He is ready to move but I'm not

[Vent]

I can not gather my thoughts also i'm really in much pain,guilt.trying to convience him but not ready to fresh start... Not agree to consult... I really want work out this relation... I really want him to get better n be with him patiently... He said I will be your friend but marriage is not possible... We are in 6 years relation n I can not imagine my life without him.i have good job but now my whole interest is gone from job n all the things... I'm calling him continuously I know it's wrong but can not stop myself... Plz guide me what can I do so that he will be back... How should I control... Plz plz plz rply

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Vent]

He is blaming dat I destroyed him completely... Damaged his emotional world... Played with him... N now I'm trying to convience him n for fresh start but he said I'll will be the last person with whom he will be married... I'm really too much hurted... I really love him... I want get him better... But he has no trust n no acceptance for me... What is he saying I'm believing n last night I tried to harm myself... Just want to die... I dnt knw what to do.that blame n bez of guilt I'm unable to do my day to day scheduled... Beyond all this I really love him

[Mutt]

Hi Vent,

I'm sorry that you're going through this . It's a learning with a pwBPD because feelings equals facts whereas feelings are followed by facts for the non disordered partner.

What is he saying I'm believing n last night I tried to harm myself... Just want to die...

Are you safe right now?

I dnt knw what to do.that blame n bez of guilt I'm unable to do my day to day scheduled... Beyond all this I really love him

Take it one day at a time, you can break it down further and take it one hour at a time, talking helps, share with us, you're not alone.

[Mutt]

Hi Vent,

I'm so sorry that you're going through this , I answered another post of yours https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=314917.0 I can relate with how difficult it is to concentrate on work and responsibilites when you're going through a break up

 

I'm calling him continuously I know it's wrong but can not stop myself...

 Is he answering the calls? How do you feel today?

[confused4now]

When I get in a panic,I  tell myself he is asking for space.  I have to make a goal like 24 hrs no contacting him. I usually feel rejected when I am trying to force him to connect with me, this makes me get in more of a panic, so I try again. If he is gone (no matter how long) he will be so cold and distant. I find by not contacting him, I don't add new pain on top of what is going on already. Then he can not feel smothered and most of the time this allows his feeling for me to return. It's like they can only process 1 feeling at a time. If the pressure never leaves that's all they feel. I have been doing this for 5 years, I can't do the turmoil, so now he has all the space he needs    

[Vent]

Hi Vent,

I'm so sorry that you're going through this , I answered another post of yours https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=314917.0 I can relate with how difficult it is to concentrate on work and responsibilites when you're going through a break up
Thank u very much for reply...

  
 Is he answering the calls? How do you feel today?

[Vent]

Hi Vent,

I'm sorry that you're going through this . It's a learning with a pwBPD because feelings equals facts whereas feelings are followed by facts for the non disordered partner.

Are you safe right now?

Take it one day at a time, you can break it down further and take it one hour at a time, talking helps, share with us, you're not alone.

Hi mutt,
Thank you very much for reply... I'm really feeling comfortable here... I'm safe right now talked with therapist... She said its depression... I will definitely follow your thought about time... I'm really here feeling not alone thanks for dat... He is answering my call but telling me speak anything other than marriage... And be strong stop playing with me...

[Vent]

When I get in a panic,I  tell myself he is asking for space.  I have to make a goal like 24 hrs no contacting him. I usually feel rejected when I am trying to force him to connect with me, this makes me get in more of a panic, so I try again. If he is gone (no matter how long) he will be so cold and distant. I find by not contacting him, I don't add new pain on top of what is going on already. Then he can not feel smothered and most of the time this allows his feeling for me to return. It's like they can only process 1 feeling at a time. If the pressure never leaves that's all they feel. I have been doing this for 5 years, I can't do the turmoil, so now he has all the space he needs    

Hi confused now,
Really thanks for sharing about you... I can not say I completely understand... But I know too much hard to convience to ourselve... You are really brave 5 years its really tuff time

[Mutt]

Hi mutt,
Thank you very much for reply... I'm really feeling comfortable here... I'm safe right now talked with therapist... She said its depression... I will definitely follow your thought about time... I'm really here feeling not alone thanks for dat... He is answering my call but telling me speak anything other than marriage... And be strong stop playing with me...

Depression is tough, I'm glad to hear that you talked to a T about it.