DBT is changing our life

[PeaceHarmony]

Hubby has been in DBT since May, and we (kids and I) have noticed a huge difference! While he is not all recovered and there are still some moments of rage, he catches himself quickly, and has been able to let go of it, to acknowledge our hurt and feel remorse. Most importantly to give us freedom to be ourselves with much less sense of need to control, correct and fix us.
I am feeling very hopeful for sense of normalcy and that over time even the existing rageful moments will eventually disappear completely. He is very committed and excited about his progress. I recommend this course of treatment for your loved ones wholeheartedly!

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Mutt]

Bravo PeaceHarmony

[Radcliff]

Fantastic!  Please keep us posted!  More good news, bumps in the road, any updates will be a big benefit to everyone else.  Many are not as lucky to get as far as you have gotten, so we'll look forward to following your progress and cheering you on!  Don't get discouraged if you ever hit a snag and take a few steps backward.  Just keep swimming!

Wentworth

[Tattered Heart]

So excited for you! It's great to hear success stories. Can you share a specific example of how it has helped? How did he get to a place where he was willing to stick to DBT?

[Cole]

Very happy that the DBT is working out for your family!

How did you locate someone who does DBT? We live in an area with an abundance of healthcare, including psychiatric help. Yet, I cannot locate anyone in our area who does DBT.

[romanova]

That's so great, wow! I am so excited that someone gets there, good for you and your family.
Is your husband doing a group DBT or is it just one-on-one with his counselor?

Share more good news, it's heart warming to hear

[BPDBuddy]

Hi Peace,

Can you describe the format, is it individual. My standoffish gf went through a complete psychotic breakdown and thinks this may help. Curious on specific improvement and general cost as well? I am strongly committed my partner and need to pitch the idea nicely.

Do you join in these sessions with your hubby at all?

[PeaceHarmony]

Hi everyone and thanks for the support and encouragement. I will explain a bit more and try to answer your questions:

We are lucky to live in an area with abundance of healthcare options (and coverage!) and yet there are only two full DBT programs in our area, both about an hour drive from home!
My hubby leaves work early one day a week to go to a group class teaching DBT skills, followed by one hour individual therapy. In order to be accepted into the program he had to commit to a full year, with only 4 absences allowed. He also had to wait a month for a new class to begin since it’s not advised to join a group that has already been in progress.

He finally agreed to enter treatment when I told him that I plan to contact an attorney to consult about divorce. It was not an empty threat - I did speak with an attorney and got coaching. We also seperated while leaving in the same house. He is a family man and our family is very important to him and so I think it was a wake up call. He realized that he won’t see the kids daily and we won’t be celebrating holidays together etc. He is not very close with his immediate family and he realized he is on the verge of being alone in the world... .

The most obvious difference I notice now is how quickly he can de-escalate himself and find balance and perspective. He also has learned to take responsibility for his feelings and not blame me (as often... .). When he does blame me I am now encouraged (he actually told me that as part of DBT it is my job to point out to him when he is escalating) to call him on it and ask that he rethink what he is saying. (Like: “do you really believe that I hid your car keys/peanut butter/glasses from you? Does that seem logical?”

There are better days and tougher days but the direction is definitely up, and the difference is visible. Even on tougher days the level of anger is lower, the duration of an episode is much shorter and he catches himself quickly, asking himself “is this worth getting angry and pushing my loved ones away?” The answer is usually “no” which brings him back down from the anger mountain... .

We recently celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary and I feel hopeful that if all stays consistent we will reach 21, and maybe 25, 30 and more:)

[PeaceHarmony]

Very happy that the DBT is working out for your family!

How did you locate someone who does DBT? We live in an area with an abundance of healthcare, including psychiatric help. Yet, I cannot locate anyone in our area who does DBT.

Cole - hubby made a lot of phone calls to a lot of places and asked for recommendations. He began with his regular therapist, his PCP, and internet search. It is surprisingly hard to find these places but they do exist... .

[Radcliff]

PeaceHarmony -- I am overwhelmed with happiness for you!  Both of you keep it up!  Good news is always welcome here.  And if you hit a rough patch, no worries, bring it, we got that

Cole and others, DBT was developed by a psychologist named Marsha Linehan.  Her Web site is:
https://behavioraltech.org/
That Web site has a referral page to find a therapist that has been trained by Behavioral Tech, Linehan's company:
https://behavioraltech.org/resources/find-a-therapist/

DBT is definitely not available everywhere, so I hope you are fortunate enough to find a nearby provider.

Wentworth

[bananas2]

That's wonderful to hear! Thanks so much for sharing your good news with us! 

[I_Am_The_Fire]

I feel really happy for you! This is great news! I was wondering how he got to a place where he accepted he has BPD and is actively working on getting better. I'm glad someone asked and thank you for answering.

[startrekuser]

I like this plan.  I'm not ready for it yet.  I need more income to be able to afford an attorney.  Thanks for sharing.

He finally agreed to enter treatment when I told him that I plan to contact an attorney to consult about divorce. It was not an empty threat - I did speak with an attorney and got coaching.