He wants no contact..is there any chance after this for relation

[Vent]

He dnt knw about BPD... but whatever happening with him bez of dat taking councilling... he has dat rage,and suicidal thoughts so going to therapist.
He is thinking bez of our relationship(bez of me)he became like dat... and now he told me therapist said about 3 months treatment... so plz dnt call or msg me in dis duration bez he is becoming unstable bez of dat... Plz guide what should I do?should I tell about BPD? shouldn't I contact with him or meet him?is his therapist will diagnos BPD?would we will be together?I really love him n I'm really looking forward for this relation... he also love... what should be my stand plz plZ reply... .

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Mutt]

Hi Vent,

3 months treatment. What is he being treated for? Is the no contact a part of this treatment?

I can't speak for the therapist, I don't know if they will tell him or not, I suspect that you want to tell him so that he gets treatment for BPD, telling him might make the symptoms worse, picture this if someone told you that you had a severe mental illness, what would you do?

[Vent]

Hi mutt,
Thank u for reply
He didn't told me about therapy in details...

[Mutt]

Do you feel guilty because he's in therapy?

[AskingWhy]

The good part of therapy is that there is still an attempt to understand conflict and the status quo.

Encourage your partner to continue therapy.  Don't pry or ask for what is being discussed at this point.  Those who seek therapy want answers to why their lives are conflicted.  Those with BPD are extremely unhappy inside of themselves.

[Vent]

Do you feel guilty because he's in therapy?

Mutt,
Feeling guilty but not bez he his in therapy... but bez he feels whatever is his situation now is bez of me... dat bother me a lot

[Vent]

Hi asking why,
Thank you for reply
I will definitely encourage him for therapy...
Really they are extremely unhappy... he also saying he have not trust on anyone n he seems nothing is true here...

[Mutt]

Encourage your partner to continue therapy.  :)on't pry or ask for what is being discussed at this point.  Those who seek therapy want answers to why their lives are conflicted.  Those with BPD are extremely unhappy inside of themselves.

  AskingWhy has a good point, be supportive of his don’t validate the invalid though ( tantrums ) With seeking help for unresolved issues, emotional baggage that he came into the r/s with, things that happened in his past way before you entered the scene, that’s going to be the bulk of it.

I can relate with taking responsibilit for someone else’s unhappiness( guilty feelings )  takes taking it personally, his problems are his own his, be supportive but depersonalize his behaviours, become indifferent to them, you neither like it or hate it.  For example, depersonalize his trust issues, I’m sure that you’re a trustworthy person, these are past issues that he needs to resolve, nobody else can do that for him.

[Vent]

Hi mutt,
I really want to be supportive but he dnt want any contact with me now... so helping him means not contacting with him and it is very tuff for me...
He has his past issue about parents separation n all... but now in his perspective I'm the one who is responsible...

[Mutt]

Hi Vent,

I’m sorry to hear that he had a difficult childhood. How he copes is he blame shifts that on you. That’s his stuff, his problems, just because he projects it doesn’t mean that someone else did it - it’s distortion. It’s not your fault that his parents separated. Hang in there.

[Vent]

Mutt thank you for your support... but it very difficult n helpless bez he don't want any contact with me now

[Vent]

He contacted me today early in the morning and said he loves me but can not marry with me... he wants arrange marriage so he is going through dat process... girls is chosen... and he is now talking with him... I'm really confused how can one love with someone and marry with another one... is he not clear about his decision... I'm really devastated by his marriage decision... I still hope for this guy... but on what basis I should hope... the whole situation is really confused n painful

[Mutt]

Hi Vent,

I’m sorry to hear that  That must of been difficult news to hear.

Maybe it’s not about her, maybe it’s the family that he’s marrying into? What are your thoughts?

[Vent]

Hi mutt,
He is grown up man... n he can decide with whom he should married... he is not the person to whom anyone can pressurised until n unless he decided for dat.still he is saying he loves me n dnt want break relation between us so it's really confusing

[Mutt]

Hi Vent,

Hi mutt,
still he is saying he loves me n dnt want break relation between us so it's really confusing

Talking about it can help to clear up that confusion. What if it doesn’t work out with the arranged marriage? Is he the type that can’t be alone? Is he always in a r/s?

[Vent]

Talking about it can help to clear up that confusion. What if it doesn’t work out with the arranged marriage? Is he the type that can’t be alone? Is he always in a r/s?

Hi mutt,
He is always in r/s.before our relation he was in relation.he is saying that if I am and able to handle then he can continue our relation is also.is it making any sense?

[Vent]

 What if it doesn’t work out with the arranged marriage?


Hi mutt,
I also have dat doubt.bez dat is same case with his father first love marriage then arrange marriage then extra marital affair...

[Vent]

I think battle is over... from almost complete year... he is going to marry anyway.happy with other girl... I really tried too much... but now I have nothing.

[Meili]

What do you mean? What happened?

[Vent]

What do you mean? What happened?

Hi meili,
On Thursday I called him told that now I'm in pune... he said call u back n his number is on waiting so I asked him who was there he told that his marriage is fixed n there is girl... I was very shocked... he told me he is very happy with her.things n qualities searching in me for 2 to 4  years are already in her.blaha blaha how she is perfect for him n all dat... I had done for whatever I can.i left parents ready to give up on career... initially I was little bit feminist n independent but for him n with him I changed my whole personality... but  he is saying I have nothing done for him n our relation.only he has done whatever... from almost half n year I was begging him for this relation n he is questioning me n blaming... suddenly ready for marriage but only on his terms... from last 6 months I was ready on his terms also but he said now I'm done with you... now he is saying if u love me n want me I can be with u after his marriage.only he is not going marry me or giving social status.now from last 4 days I haven't contacted with him.but missing him n beautiful moments from our past...