Hi, I'm new to this... .and I guess I'm here because I'm feeling desperate. My spouse has recently been diagnosed with BPD. I have known of course that there is something wrong for a long time, but only now have a diagnosis that I can begin to understand. He is in therapy now, but doesn't discuss his progress with me.
I guess first of all, I am wondering whether adultery is often a problem with BPD?
We have been married for 34 years and he has had 5 affairs that I am sure of, and many emotional affairs or inappropriate friendships with other women. We are currently working our way out of #5 and I am feeling extraordinarily broken.
I am devoted to my marriage and the vows I've taken, and I believe that even though living with him can be hard, divorce would be far worse for my children. I want my marriage to succeed, but I'm kind of losing it here. I could really use someone to talk to.
Hi KgirlD
Welcome.
For someone to talk to and a place where you can get support, you've come to the right place. I can't think of many on this forum who haven't been in situations similar to yours.
I can imagine how broken you're feeling. Adultery is probably the hardest on me of all my H's behaviors. I am in a different place than you, as he and I are heading for divorce--he initiated.
It's my understanding that impulsivity goes hand in hand with BPD, which frequently leads to affairs. I knew my H was addicted to porn. However, I've only recently discovered that he was masturbating when our cleaning lady was in the guest house with him. Had I known, I probably would have reported it to my H's psychiatrist.
Are you in therapy? Therapy, in my opinion, can be extremely helpful. Also, as substance abuse can go along with the BPD, AlAnon can be helpful, as well.
How about friends? Family? Have you let anyone know what's going on?
You'll make it through this. You will.
Welcome!
TMD