Hello

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hey everyone! The reality has set in. Ive known for a long time that my soon to be ex wife was extreme emotionally, very black and white with me and hard to comfort in most emotional situations.  For the longest time I felt that if I tried harder, looked from her perspective and was the most empathetic perfect person for at least a second she would be happy.  Well... .I found out the hard way that I will never be perfect enough.  Now we are going through divorce and I was transitioned from the love side to the hate side.  I am the most horrible person in the world, this is all my fault, I have hurt out children... .etc. etc.  This is horrible to be the object of as much hate as I was of her love. 

I just want to heal and grow.  Ive had no real choice but to grow, man its hard though.  When she is "on"  its the most amazing feeling, when Im "good" in her eyes.  Shees though the flip side is so degrading and painful its like two different people in there.  No grey I called it to her once, its always black and white and her belief or "reason" for something it all that there is.


IDK just trying to absorb it all!

THX

[fastjon19]

Hey everyone! The reality has set in. Ive known for a long time that my soon to be ex wife was extreme emotionally, very black and white with me and hard to comfort in most emotional situations.  For the longest time I felt that if I tried harder, looked from her perspective and was the most empathetic perfect person for at least a second she would be happy.  Well... .I found out the hard way that I will never be perfect enough.  Now we are going through divorce and I was transitioned from the love side to the hate side.  I am the most horrible person in the world, this is all my fault, I have hurt out children... .etc. etc.  This is horrible to be the object of as much hate as I was of her love. 

I just want to heal and grow.  Ive had no real choice but to grow, man its hard though.  When she is "on"  its the most amazing feeling, when Im "good" in her eyes.  Shees though the flip side is so degrading and painful its like two different people in there.  No grey I called it to her once, its always black and white and her belief or "reason" for something it all that there is.


IDK just trying to absorb it all!

THX

[flourdust]

Welcome, fastjon! Where are you in the divorce process? When you have a moment, feel free to tell us a little of your backstory.

[Ironman85]

Welcome, fastjon! Where are you in the divorce process? When you have a moment, feel free to tell us a little of your backstory.

Thats one of the hardest parts man. Going from feeling special to feeling the exact opposite. Just remember it's not you, even if you have some bad qualities, no rational person jumps from such extremes.

I am right there with you, I just got left 2 months ago but for another "man" and it will be a divorce too once the timeframes are complete.

Just remember, it seems they can never be reasoned with, the truth to them is what they see, reflecting and recognizing their part is never an option.

[ForeverDad]

Ended relationships are typically cast as abusive ones.  If she had prior BFs or spouses, she likely described them negatively or as abusive.  Why?  She can't own the concept that she had a part in the relationship's demise.  Denial, Blaming and Blame Shifting.

BPD is a mood dysregulation issue, inconsistency is predictable.  There may be times when she's less combative or less obstructive but it may merely be that there's something she wants.  Her distorted perspective is that it's good if she wants it and it's bad if she doesn't want it (or you want it).