I want to navigate the stress in self-affirming ways

[Depression = 72% of members]

This is a first post. It seems uncomfortable for me to tell much more of my story. However I will give it a try. I am a 58 year old with husband BPD who is 69.  We have worked together, then lived together for the course of 30 years.  We spend more time together  then anyone I know.  that's a challenge -- and in many ways our saving grace.  When things get really rough, we do our best to "behave" according to the needs of our work and life.  

My goal here is to get support for personal strength so I stop succumbing to self-destructive and distracting emotional downers that appear from out of no where on such a regular basis. With age, I have become more and more isolated on the personal front, and have internalized a lot of the negativity.  I really feel a need for some connection with others, with whom I can be honest, and there will not be consequences negatively in my personal life.  Where I can connect to others struggles and solutions--I guess you could say, I am realizing I am way too "alone" in carrying this

My partner/husband had very abusive childhood.  his dad physically and verbally abused him mom, and her four children.  incest involved his sister under dads abuse.   they lived in a rural area, and moved 23 times before my husband left home, including spending many summers "homeless" (camping)

In very very many respects he is a truly wonderful human being. The suffering in his life helped him to see and learn how he does not want to treat others. That said I am confident he is BPD. He is diagnosed bipolar and takes meds for it however I believe that is a missed diagnosis in his case. He suffers severe depression, inability to regulate feelings, boundary issues, highs and lows, sleeps for a day or two about monthly ( though I doubt he realizes that), has a profound optimism to the point where I truly believe he didn't "remember" his rages or realize their impact on me, and he deals with anger.  often i feel empathy.  and over the years bouts of my own with depression.

Recently , with age, the stress on the relationship has increased, and my own ability to stay the course at work and in healthy living is compromised.  I am getting to where I can barely function on the job--a job I truly love!

We have active public lives but personal life is private.  i do not have support in my private struggles

I want to navigate the stress and pain of the BPD in self-affirming and caring ways. There are a lot of issues of control between us, and doing so feels like walking on thin ice.  Hoping to find ways to care for myself so I don't self destruct further.   I am a wise/well versed  individual, and I know that these actions on his part for the BPD more than anything personal. Yet I struggle.

[opentoideas]

This is a first post. It seems uncomfortable for me to tell much more of my story. However I will give it a try. I am a 58 year old with husband BPD who is 69.  We have worked together, then lived together for the course of 30 years.  We spend more time together  then anyone I know.  that's a challenge -- and in many ways our saving grace.  When things get really rough, we do our best to "behave" according to the needs of our work and life.  

My goal here is to get support for personal strength so I stop succumbing to self-destructive and distracting emotional downers that appear from out of no where on such a regular basis. With age, I have become more and more isolated on the personal front, and have internalized a lot of the negativity.  I really feel a need for some connection with others, with whom I can be honest, and there will not be consequences negatively in my personal life.  Where I can connect to others struggles and solutions--I guess you could say, I am realizing I am way too "alone" in carrying this

My partner/husband had very abusive childhood.  his dad physically and verbally abused him mom, and her four children.  incest involved his sister under dads abuse.   they lived in a rural area, and moved 23 times before my husband left home, including spending many summers "homeless" (camping)

In very very many respects he is a truly wonderful human being. The suffering in his life helped him to see and learn how he does not want to treat others. That said I am confident he is BPD. He is diagnosed bipolar and takes meds for it however I believe that is a missed diagnosis in his case. He suffers severe depression, inability to regulate feelings, boundary issues, highs and lows, sleeps for a day or two about monthly ( though I doubt he realizes that), has a profound optimism to the point where I truly believe he didn't "remember" his rages or realize their impact on me, and he deals with anger.  often i feel empathy.  and over the years bouts of my own with depression.

Recently , with age, the stress on the relationship has increased, and my own ability to stay the course at work and in healthy living is compromised.  I am getting to where I can barely function on the job--a job I truly love!

We have active public lives but personal life is private.  i do not have support in my private struggles

I want to navigate the stress and pain of the BPD in self-affirming and caring ways. There are a lot of issues of control between us, and doing so feels like walking on thin ice.  Hoping to find ways to care for myself so I don't self destruct further.   I am a wise/well versed  individual, and I know that these actions on his part for the BPD more than anything personal. Yet I struggle.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Mutt]

Hi opentoideas, 



I’d like to welcome you to the family. I’m glad that you decided to join us. That’s a good decision with talking to others like you for support. This is a place where you’re not judged or invalidated for your thoughts and feelings. You don’t have to go through this and stress alone, se’ll Walk with you through it.

Can you describe a self destructive behaviour from your uBPDh that’s distressing?

[Tattered Heart]

Hi opentoideas,

Welcome . I completely understand your struggles between trying to maintain a public image and what goes on behind closed doors. I struggled with this for quite a long time and I've learned that sharing on this forum and with one or two close personal friends has really helped me not feel so alone.

What area in your own response do you feel like you need to work on the most? What type of behavior are you struggling with the most with your pwBPD?