Couple of bad days - distraction has helped

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Ive had a couple of weak days TBH. 
Was supposed to go on a date on Friday, but cancelled it.  The woman said she'd already booked a babysitter, so would come to my local anyway... .  Me and my friend went and joined them and we had good fun.
Long story short me and her ventured back to my house with a bottle of red.  On the way back she fell over drunk, so this raised my red flag awareness to the extreme.  We didnt sleep together but we werent far off! My choice not to.

The next day I went on a stag do and it got very boozy.  I woke up on the Sunday feeling very hungover and missing my ex (booze is a depressant!).
So I stupidly texted her again.  "Hi <her name> just thought Id say hello.  Hope your ok".

She then rang me.  It was quite nice to chat.  I then texted her to ask if she wants to go for a drink as on the phone she said she had no plans.  She said not today but at some point.

I felt stupid and sent a text saying I shouldnt have asked and that she doesnt need to call me back (she cant text as she hasnt paid her phone bill).

2 mins later my ex wife texted to say that she is going to local pub with our kids and if i want to join her...   This was just what I needed as I have fun with them lot.  So we went and id forgotten about ex, didn't give her a thought.  Ex then called me at half 5 saying that she had been out all day and that I said not to call.  Even then Im thinking "you said you had no plans and now you say youve been out all day"... .never know what to believe... .never did.  Not my problem I suppose now.

Anyway I didnt get back to her until Monday morning, when I was feeling low again.  I thanked her for the call and just said sorry shouldnt have asked for a drink and that I was kinda missing her and it was because she got in contact last week, asked me if i was dating and when I said no, she didnt believe me.  So this stirred up emotions making me think "does she still love me" etc...   Andf it got me thinking.  When she didnt want to go for a drink on Sunday, I knew that shes not in love and she probably asked hoping Id say I am dating, so she can tell me she is... .  Who knows?  Who ever knows or knew with her!

She asked if she could call me and she said that she misses me too and that i dont need to apologise for asking for a drink.
I texted her for last time yesterday evening saying that theres no hard feelings and that I wish her the best, and just said contact whenever you want (showing her that Im ok I guess), and that I was just seeing us through rose tinted specs, and not the reality... .
And I havent heard from her since.  And thats the best thing.

Woke up this morning and feeling a bit low again, I thought... ."yeah get a grip, I dont want her, shes no good for me, I'm just fantasising about a relationship that cannot happen".  So I texted the girl from Friday night.  Shes very embarrassed about what happened.  So weve been chatting a bit and have organised to actually go on a date now.  I think shes quite keen, but at this stage I'm not looking for anything serious (and she knows that btw!).

I guess I just need a bit of support and would like to know your views on distraction... .any thoughts?

[confusedbloke]

Ive had a couple of weak days TBH. 
Was supposed to go on a date on Friday, but cancelled it.  The woman said she'd already booked a babysitter, so would come to my local anyway... .  Me and my friend went and joined them and we had good fun.
Long story short me and her ventured back to my house with a bottle of red.  On the way back she fell over drunk, so this raised my red flag awareness to the extreme.  We didnt sleep together but we werent far off! My choice not to.

The next day I went on a stag do and it got very boozy.  I woke up on the Sunday feeling very hungover and missing my ex (booze is a depressant!).
So I stupidly texted her again.  "Hi <her name> just thought Id say hello.  Hope your ok".

She then rang me.  It was quite nice to chat.  I then texted her to ask if she wants to go for a drink as on the phone she said she had no plans.  She said not today but at some point.

I felt stupid and sent a text saying I shouldnt have asked and that she doesnt need to call me back (she cant text as she hasnt paid her phone bill).

2 mins later my ex wife texted to say that she is going to local pub with our kids and if i want to join her...   This was just what I needed as I have fun with them lot.  So we went and id forgotten about ex, didn't give her a thought.  Ex then called me at half 5 saying that she had been out all day and that I said not to call.  Even then Im thinking "you said you had no plans and now you say youve been out all day"... .never know what to believe... .never did.  Not my problem I suppose now.

Anyway I didnt get back to her until Monday morning, when I was feeling low again.  I thanked her for the call and just said sorry shouldnt have asked for a drink and that I was kinda missing her and it was because she got in contact last week, asked me if i was dating and when I said no, she didnt believe me.  So this stirred up emotions making me think "does she still love me" etc...   Andf it got me thinking.  When she didnt want to go for a drink on Sunday, I knew that shes not in love and she probably asked hoping Id say I am dating, so she can tell me she is... .  Who knows?  Who ever knows or knew with her!

She asked if she could call me and she said that she misses me too and that i dont need to apologise for asking for a drink.
I texted her for last time yesterday evening saying that theres no hard feelings and that I wish her the best, and just said contact whenever you want (showing her that Im ok I guess), and that I was just seeing us through rose tinted specs, and not the reality... .
And I havent heard from her since.  And thats the best thing.

Woke up this morning and feeling a bit low again, I thought... ."yeah get a grip, I dont want her, shes no good for me, I'm just fantasising about a relationship that cannot happen".  So I texted the girl from Friday night.  Shes very embarrassed about what happened.  So weve been chatting a bit and have organised to actually go on a date now.  I think shes quite keen, but at this stage I'm not looking for anything serious (and she knows that btw!).

I guess I just need a bit of support and would like to know your views on distraction... .any thoughts?

[gotbushels]

Hi confusedbloke 

I'm just sending you a message of support. 

[... .] My choice not to.

It looks like you're putting yourself out there, taking some risks, observing behaviour of an inebriated woman--generally having a good time. I like that you're conscious of choice with that situation's end.

Why did you feel it was a weak couple of days for you?

The next day I went on a stag do and it got very boozy.  I woke up on the Sunday feeling very hungover and missing my ex (booze is a depressant!).
So I stupidly texted her again.  "Hi <her name> just thought Id say hello.  Hope your ok".

Missing an ex from time to time, especially in the period following a breakup is quite normal--I think.

If you're missing someone, and you're used to some level of affection in return for attention; and I'm curious as to your thoughts here--is it stupid to text that person? 

It was quite nice to chat. I then texted her to ask if she wants to go for a drink as on the phone she said she had no plans.
[... .]
And I havent heard from her since.  And thats the best thing.

It seems you've had some conflicting thoughts here.

I guess I just need a bit of support and would like to know your views on distraction... .any thoughts?

A distraction is something that prevents a person from focusing on something else. Sometimes distractions are useful, sometimes not so much--to me. If something is a persistent issue, it will often be at the back of my mind until I've faced it or gone to work on it in some way. It doesn't have to be a practical solution, but some kind of work such that I've reached a level of satisfaction with it. Often when I leave it for too long, it starts to make me more anxious. Dealing with it may involve confronting it on my own and figuring out what I want out of it so that I'm satisfied that I've done my best with whatever it is that's bothering me. What are your thoughts on distraction? 

[Lost-love-mind]

A distraction is something that prevents a person from focusing on something else. Sometimes distractions are useful, sometimes not so much--to me. If something is a persistent issue, it will often be at the back of my mind until I've faced it or gone to work on it in some way. It doesn't have to be a practical solution, but some kind of work such that I've reached a level of satisfaction with it. Often when I leave it for too long, it starts to make me more anxious. Dealing with it may involve confronting it on my own and figuring out what I want out of it so that I'm satisfied that I've done my best with whatever it is that's bothering me. What are your thoughts on distraction? 

Interesting observation. I've been working a day labor job since mid August that is moving an environmental company. It is now coming to finality.
Inventory of chemicals and selling equipment on eBay.
Both new to me and keeping me busy and distracted.

I still think of her (exBPD) and wether a r/s Would have ever been possible. However reality sinks in and it just wasn't meant to be. Two people that came together at the wrong time in their lives with too much baggage, including mine from my childhood of no father all the way to alcohol and drug addiction.
Must work on yourself first and become the person attractive to women. But that should be your primary concern. Premier League must become the person that you always were meant to be, whether that's in God's image or whatever spiritual being necessary to survive in an imperfect world.