Is it you or me or all of us

[Isitme72]

Hi I am 40 something father of two with diagnose adult adhd and auxity

Last year my partner of 15 years suddenly started behaving strangely after beginning treatment for ADHD

In the past she had suffered from depression and had made suicidle guestures on a number of occasions but had never self harmed in anyway

When I first met her she was very messed up and talked about having been abused by her father

Over the years we but smokes a lot of pot I believe we where both self medicating
To deal with our issue

But I lost interested after getting my society and adhd under control
Soon after that both Our Kids where also diagnosed with adhd and began treatment

Later my wife dicided she must have adhd and asked me to book her appointment with a doctor at the same clinic I was attending

She read everything she could on adhd and was diagnosed immediately and placed on dex

She told me that the doctor had told her she was the most text bock case of adhd she had ever seen (which seemed strange I wasn’t sure if her doctor was trying to suggest something to her)

She was convinced that she was doing great but the truth was she became very rapid mood swings,paranoid , defensive and appares to be loosing parts of our conversation or remember them in a very distorted or exaggerated way
Before long she was making accusations and talking about suicide

At the time she was on cipramil ,quitiapine and dex

Later when I spoke to my own doctor about what was going on at home and asked him to let her doctor know things where not going well at home and
And she was threading self

It was very confusing at the time as her moods where so up and down
Once minute she was great happy ecstatic, next she was sobbing

Some time back she had told me a doctor had told her she was fine but she was in a financially and emotionally abusive relation ship and I was suffering from npd

Eventually my doc suggested that it sounded like she could be suffering from BPD and told me to read stop walking in egg shells

But it didn’t make much sense as I didn’t know about the quiet BPD

She would constantly send me text and email about BPD and how I had distroyed our children and abused her mother and our animals then tell me how much she loved me and that she would never leave me and that we had both behaved very badly

Over time I realized that she was splitting, disassociating and that why our communication where so confusing



My Doc advised be Not to discuss BPD with her as she was likely to have a serious melt down so I didn’t I just used the advise in the book on communication and did my best to avoid confrontation

I managed to convince her to go to family counciling with me but before we could see our doctors she accessed my email and everything went to helll

Buy we could see our doctors she Access my email

And everything when to hell

She really freaked out convince I was trying to steal our children and Our Home and put her away in a looning bin
Because I was a controlling naccessist who loved to play games

She threatens to call the police and report me

After a particularly crazy day with a lot of sucidal threats and completely loosing control in front of our children I called 911 and they locked her up on phyc ward for 4 days

After that she was never the same running to the police
Writing crazy letters to our family, threading to stab me

Eventualy I got a restraining order and she was removed from our Home but I continued to let her see our children as I could never imagin her harming them

Finally she ran off with one of our children
Removed her from her auxiety and adhd meds then claimed they where a mother and daughter escaping domestic violence

I was left with one child and her mother to look after?

6 weeks later a got a recovery order and my daughter was returned
2 years later 60 thousand $ later I have just been awarded formal custody

I’ve done a lot of reading about BPD and she has been diagnosed with boarderline traits but I’m still kind of confused

From what I’ve gathered she was a quiet boarline who started acting out after she started taking dex for adhd

I have two messed up Kids one who has behaviors similar to her mother

I would be great full for Any insight or advise

Thank

[Radcliff]

Hello Isitme72,

I am sorry to hear that you're facing such a complicated and difficult situation.  This Web site has many good resources to read.  A good place to start is with the links to the right side of the page.

Can you describe the current situation with your wife now?  Is she still living in a separate home?  How often does she visit the kids?  What would you like your relationship with your wife to be like?

Wentworth

[Mutt]

Hi isitme72,



I’d like to join    bluesbrother and welcome you to bpdfamily. Wow you’ve been through a lot. Do you have support from family and friends in real life? Are you seeing a T? How old are the kids?