Child with BPD undiagnosed

[Parents! Get help here!]

My 23 year old daughter has not spoken to me in 10 months. She does not live at home and in fact lives several hundred miles away. After talking to my own therapist about her behaviors for the past 3 years my therapist suggested that I read The Essential Family Guide to BPD by Randi Kreger.  I see many of the BPD behaviors and attitudes described therein in my daughter.  However, she has not even broached the subject of having a mental health issue.  The problem that I have  is constantly trying to determine what I have done wrong as a mother, despite reading that it is her issue not mine. I have a cloud over my head daily and it is weighing me down.  I am wondering how other parents cope.

[susied]

My 23 year old daughter has not spoken to me in 10 months. She does not live at home and in fact lives several hundred miles away. After talking to my own therapist about her behaviors for the past 3 years my therapist suggested that I read The Essential Family Guide to BPD by Randi Kreger.  I see many of the BPD behaviors and attitudes described therein in my daughter.  However, she has not even broached the subject of having a mental health issue.  The problem that I have  is constantly trying to determine what I have done wrong as a mother, despite reading that it is her issue not mine. I have a cloud over my head daily and it is weighing me down.  I am wondering how other parents cope.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[heartandwhole]

Hi susied,



Welcome to the community! I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling with your feelings about your daughter's behavior. You've taken a big step reading up on BPD and reaching out for support. Fortunately, you've found a great community for support in this. Members here really understand what you are going through. The site also has tons of resources and tools to help make things better.

What kind of support system do you have, susied? It's great to hear that you have a knowledgeable therapist. It's so important to rally support around you at times like these.

Do you have other children?

Keep posting. We're here for you.

heartandwhole

[Feeling Better]

Hi susied

You are not alone, my uBPD son moved hundreds of miles away and wants no contact also.

You say that you are constantly trying to determine what you did wrong as a mother, well, you probably didn't do anything wrong, in fact you most likely did the best you could as most parents would do. If you read up on BPD using the posts and resources on this site you will come to realise that.

You are wondering how other parents cope, speaking for myself, it is knowing that my son is ill and accepting that what is is. It is learning as much as I can about BPD and taking care of myself, I have a life too and I need to get on with it. It also helps me to think in a positive way about my son. I used to worry about him, wondering all the time if he was ok but I now think that he must be happy and living his life as he chooses. I need to think that about him. Most of the time I cope very well, being here on this site has helped me, but I do have the odd blip now and again when I wonder what's the point.

As heartandwhole says, we are all here for you x