My mom has BPD

[Babybear]

I am reaching out for help.  My mom who disowned a year & 1/2 ago called my work phone out of the blue & asked me to go to family counseling. I agreed &, of
course, found the counselor & made the appointment.  The first session was very emotional.  After the 2nd session she decided not to keep going.  Today my brother is coming & right now he is the godlike child & I am the devil one.  What's particularly disappointing is that my brother feeds right into it & reaps all the rewards.  When the tables were turned I made sure he got his fair share & he
promised he would do the same for me but he isn't.  I find his behavior far more
disappointing than my moms because he knows right from wrong.  Should I confront him or just back away from him?  Devil Child

[drained1996]

 
Welcome Babybear.  Tough position dealing with a BPD mom and a brother who seems to like his role now.  You set some healthy boundaries with your mom with no contact for a while it seems.  With the new development of your brother being put on a pedestal by your mom... .do you think you can have a conversation with him about the circumstances?  I would be one to have that conversation in a very MINDFUL fashion, and without getting defensive.  If it happened to flow to an unhealthy back and forth... .I think I would be able to politely exit the conversation.  Do you think that's a possibility for you and your brother?  Boundaries are good... .they protect us... .

[Panda39]

Hi Devil Child   just teasing  Hi Babybear 

I'd like to join drained1996 and welcome you to the BPD Family too. 

I'm glad you decided to jump in and post, it's always great to have a new voice added to the group.

I'm sorry your mom didn't follow through on the therapy, that must have been hard to get your hopes up and then be let down.  But if there is one thing I've learned here it's that we can not control the actions of someone else we can only control our own.  You showed up and did your part, I'm sorry she was unable to do hers.

What is your relationship typically like with your brother.  Do you feel that he would be receptive to a discussion about this?  Do you think he would keep it between the two of you or would he bring your mom in on it?  I ask because you want to try and stay off the drama triangle if you can.

Karpman triangle

The Karpman Triangle, described by Stephen Karpman is a very useful tool for understanding "stuck" relationship dynamics. The roles are Persecutor, Victim, and Rescuer. We may start in one position, but as another (or others) shift around the triangle, so do we.

Below is a link to more on the Karpman triangle.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=108440.0

Take Care,
Panda39