Finally, my analysis of the facts leading to her PD

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

bpdfamily.com > Recovering from a Failed Relationship > Relationship Ended - Breakup Crises > Modify message ( Re: What was real? )
Re: What was real?
Quote from: Elmurr on October 13, 2017, 04:16:44 AM
And if you start questioning yourself and thinking you want to contact her, remember that whilst this breaks your heart, you have to choose respect and compassion for yourself and believe in a better love somewhere over the horizon. Never look back.

She [insulted[ you [for contacting her] because she wanted to enjoy watching you try to contact her and her controlling it. It's narcissism. That desire in her most likely stems from a lack of self esteem and a desire to get back at a world that for her has mistreated her. Be a better person than her.

Was it really love? That's the question we all struggle with. Every situation is different, but I think for most personality disordered people, a lack of a loving bond in early life, or a bond which was founded upon distrust and hate, fails to teach them what love is. They are so desperate to find love, but they have no idea wh

I sent her an apology email after 2 mos of her dumping me .  I said I still cared for her. She responded:
" The only reason you care is you're a pathetic loser with no life."
I cried like a baby after reading that.
Amazing that some have summarized she was a controlling narcissist that enjoyed my chasing her after the breakup.
Yet, she cut me off at breakup and claimed I was the narcissist. Then she went NC and said it was my narcissism as the cause and I was the devil reincarnated.
This continuously drives me to the abyss as I analyze the circumstances of her behavior.
It makes me want to not cause revenge on her, but cobfront the losers in her past life that caused a beautiful woman to become a mentally ill " conduit" of their selfish behavior and indicated exactly the lack of "true love" you referenced that pwBPD's will never experience.
1) birth dad committed suicude when she was 2.
2) mom, that had a series of bf's and husband(s). One that may have molested her on a camping trip when she was 15. Probably mad her mother mad for her daughter striking good looks getting the attention.
3) hubby #1 - the musician that captivated her attention at the "goth music club " in the 90's. She told me she was sexually submissive and sexted domination  techniques to me she wanted done to her. His FB and instagram (public) are filled with bdsm and horror movie crap, including rape. As an entertainment icon in this city, his affair with another Woman was publicly reported in a local music mag.
4) hubby #2 was a musician at the same club as #1 and verbally abused her and had an affair ( she claimed). His public internet music compositions are considered "tripping music" and his FB idolized psychedelic drug use by "geniuses" of the 20th century.

What a crew of role models for screwing up the mind of a beautiful woman that is stuck in the emotional maturity of a 15 yr. Old.

Yes, much of the background presented was a result of her information related very early in our relationship. Other key facts were discovered post breakup from social media profiling I did from public info exposed by her and ex hubby(s).

Cyber stalking on my part? I work for a security company part time and the owner told me early in my relationship with her that I should review the background check
Reports he prepared on her. Why? He was Leary of a goldigger since she is 10 yrs younger.
She never took me for $$. I had to beg her to take $ for groceries because she prepared great meals for us on weekends. No she stole all my " emotional equity" and left me a wreck for the summer after our breakup in June.

I'm doing much better starting in mid August. I took a heavy physical labor job (In a financial professionals) and got a tan working outdoors. I'm in great physical shape at 57. I found a wonderful support group and my ex-wife (now remarried) and I have become friends and she redirected my focus to reigniting my estranged relations with our 2 beautiful children.

Life . It comes fast. Be prepared.

[Lost-love-mind]

bpdfamily.com > Recovering from a Failed Relationship > Relationship Ended - Breakup Crises > Modify message ( Re: What was real? )
Re: What was real?
Quote from: Elmurr on October 13, 2017, 04:16:44 AM
And if you start questioning yourself and thinking you want to contact her, remember that whilst this breaks your heart, you have to choose respect and compassion for yourself and believe in a better love somewhere over the horizon. Never look back.

She [insulted[ you [for contacting her] because she wanted to enjoy watching you try to contact her and her controlling it. It's narcissism. That desire in her most likely stems from a lack of self esteem and a desire to get back at a world that for her has mistreated her. Be a better person than her.

Was it really love? That's the question we all struggle with. Every situation is different, but I think for most personality disordered people, a lack of a loving bond in early life, or a bond which was founded upon distrust and hate, fails to teach them what love is. They are so desperate to find love, but they have no idea wh

I sent her an apology email after 2 mos of her dumping me .  I said I still cared for her. She responded:
" The only reason you care is you're a pathetic loser with no life."
I cried like a baby after reading that.
Amazing that some have summarized she was a controlling narcissist that enjoyed my chasing her after the breakup.
Yet, she cut me off at breakup and claimed I was the narcissist. Then she went NC and said it was my narcissism as the cause and I was the devil reincarnated.
This continuously drives me to the abyss as I analyze the circumstances of her behavior.
It makes me want to not cause revenge on her, but cobfront the losers in her past life that caused a beautiful woman to become a mentally ill " conduit" of their selfish behavior and indicated exactly the lack of "true love" you referenced that pwBPD's will never experience.
1) birth dad committed suicude when she was 2.
2) mom, that had a series of bf's and husband(s). One that may have molested her on a camping trip when she was 15. Probably mad her mother mad for her daughter striking good looks getting the attention.
3) hubby #1 - the musician that captivated her attention at the "goth music club " in the 90's. She told me she was sexually submissive and sexted domination  techniques to me she wanted done to her. His FB and instagram (public) are filled with bdsm and horror movie crap, including rape. As an entertainment icon in this city, his affair with another Woman was publicly reported in a local music mag.
4) hubby #2 was a musician at the same club as #1 and verbally abused her and had an affair ( she claimed). His public internet music compositions are considered "tripping music" and his FB idolized psychedelic drug use by "geniuses" of the 20th century.

What a crew of role models for screwing up the mind of a beautiful woman that is stuck in the emotional maturity of a 15 yr. Old.

Yes, much of the background presented was a result of her information related very early in our relationship. Other key facts were discovered post breakup from social media profiling I did from public info exposed by her and ex hubby(s).

Cyber stalking on my part? I work for a security company part time and the owner told me early in my relationship with her that I should review the background check
Reports he prepared on her. Why? He was Leary of a goldigger since she is 10 yrs younger.
She never took me for $$. I had to beg her to take $ for groceries because she prepared great meals for us on weekends. No she stole all my " emotional equity" and left me a wreck for the summer after our breakup in June.

I'm doing much better starting in mid August. I took a heavy physical labor job (In a financial professionals) and got a tan working outdoors. I'm in great physical shape at 57. I found a wonderful support group and my ex-wife (now remarried) and I have become friends and she redirected my focus to reigniting my estranged relations with our 2 beautiful children.

Life . It comes fast. Be prepared.

[Lost-love-mind]

I goofed with the above. Tired and lack of navigation skills on this site.
The lead of the post was from another topic that I posted to previously. Elmurr is another participant that has guided me with profound insights in his pists.

My answer was so long on that topic, I decided to place it separate as not to overshadow that topic with my diatribe.

The gist is that my exBPD was so messed up from her past, she spurned me after only a 2 mos. R/S and I sought closure. She refused and put me on NC. I never knew anything about PD and sought answers as intellectual curiosity since I have been fascinated with psychological analysis. I've been in therepay off and on for 15 years.