Hello

[Boston]

Not quite sure what to say.  I’m just trying to stop caretaking, find myself again, and figure out if it is possible to salvage a marriage.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Boston]

Just under a year ago, we discovered that my wife has BPD.  It was shocking to realize how so many of the troubling pieces of our relationship fell into place, upon learning more about what BPD actually is.  Currently trying to figure out if it is possible to salvage a marriage, sanity, and self-respect.    

[pearlsw]

Hey Boston,

Nice to have you here with us! Welcome to the family!

I can relate to how hard it is to find yourself again after you get run over by BPD! Personally I have found a lot of hope from spending time on this site and, thanks to the tools here, a way to salvage my relationship - or at least give myself the feeling I've given it all I have. I like to always give relationships all I reasonably/possibly can before I call them.

Does your wife have an official diagnosis or is it just something you figured out? You say "we", does that mean she also is aware of it? If so, how is she reacting to that information may I ask?

[Tattered Heart]

Hi Boston,

Welcome!

I'm sorry to hear that things have been hard for you. I'm glad that you are ready to begin working on how to making things better by finding yourself again.  How long have you been together? Can you share more about what has been going on in your relationship?

[Boston]

I can relate to how hard it is to find yourself again after you get run over by BPD! Personally I have found a lot of hope from spending time on this site and, thanks to the tools here, a way to salvage my relationship - or at least give myself the feeling I've given it all I have. I like to always give relationships all I reasonably/possibly can before I call them.

Does your wife have an official diagnosis or is it just something you figured out? You say "we", does that mean she also is aware of it? If so, how is she reacting to that information may I ask?

Thank you.

That is a bit of the complicated part, I'm not certain if it is an official diagnosis or not.  She acknowledges that she is mentally ill and acknowledges that she is on a number of mood stabilizers, anti-depressants, etc.  However she becomes furious when I ask anything further.  After several emergency sessions with her psychiatrists, she started ordering a number of books on BPD and kept trying to hide them.  Prior to that, I became aware of BPD while suspecting that she may be bipolar, but being confused by some things just not fitting that criteria.  Thankfully I know several people in the mental health field who have been able to weigh in, and all come to the same agreement.  Unfortunately, it is an elephant in the room which I have been advised to not bring up at this point.  I'm honestly trying to figure out how we can bring it up and address it without unleashing a fury.

[Boston]

Hi Boston,

Welcome!

I'm sorry to hear that things have been hard for you. I'm glad that you are ready to begin working on how to making things better by finding yourself again.  How long have you been together? Can you share more about what has been going on in your relationship?

Thank you.  We have been together for close to ten years now, and have several kids which is making this all the more complicated.  Almost immediately after getting married, her personality dramatically shifted, and suddenly I was responsible for every wrong that occurred in her life.  Quite honestly, it has only progressively gotten worse.