End of My Rope

[HopeLost]

My SO is having one of his episodes and I'm feeling emotionally beaten down, hopeless and alone.  I don't seem to be able to do anything to avoid these rages.  Of course, he doesn't think he does anything wrong and that he's justified in treating me badly for things that I never said, did, or even thought.  I don't know what to do.  

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pearlsw]

Hi HopeLost,

Welcome to the family! I am sorry to hear you are feeling so emotionally beaten down. It is hard to know how to handle the behavior of another person when it is so extreme.  I see you are new to the site. Have you had a chance to explore yet? There are a lot of helpful lessons here! At the top of this board there is a link to some tools you may find useful about Relationship Recovery and First Aid: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=113820.0 

One thing that helped me when I first came here was just to study and try to absorb as much as possible. I really had to stop and entirely rethink all I thought I knew about relationships and communication. Relating to someone with BPD is not intuitive and takes some skills, but it is very possible to learn new skills and make improvements!

One of the key early things I picked up was not to JADE - (justify, argue, defend, explain). It can help you not get caught up in arguing! https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=139972.0

Wishing you the best!

[Tattered Heart]

Hi HopeLost,

I'm sorry that your relationship has been so difficult. You've sound a great place for help. When your H gets upset, what do you do? How do you respond? Can you share an example of something recently that he was upset about?

[JoeBPD81]

Hi, hopeLost,

I just wanted to add that I know how that feels, to be defending yourself from something you didn't even think. It takes some time to learn that it has little to do with you, or even with the things they are talking about. The rage is there, and then they blurt out reasons that come to mind. But on the most basic level, they are just angry about feeling pain.

You have here tools to learn and to understand. You'll learnt to not make it worse, then to make it better, and also to understand where it comes from, and not take it to heart, and feel beaten.

You are not alone, we've all been there. I was very proud and happy the 1st time I heard "I hate you" and knew 100% it wasn't true, so it disn't crush me.

Stay strong and tell us how it goes. Having a place to talk about it, it also helps a lot.