disorderedsociety
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Gender: 
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Posts: 303
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« on: October 24, 2017, 03:21:04 PM » |
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I posted a few weeks ago on here about my suspected NPD girlfriend, now ex. I've talked with counselors and friends who all say it needed to end. I still have waves of doubt that come in. I thought maybe I should've just taken psych meds to make me "ok" with everything, or maybe I should've tried this, or that. But I'm thinking now that could be from the self-doubt that developed or got worse inside my core during this relationship, whether from the stagnation or her mind games.
Well, something strange happened... .I had been using her old iPhone since my phone is out of commission at this time and apparently a new friend of mine's number appeared on her cloud account, on her main phone. This friend told me she had called him up, saying, "Hey! Did we meet at this convention? My username/nickname is m*****_c****** (this was her BDSM community username)! Well, I'm moving out of my abusive ex-boyfriend's house... .(Never laid a hand on her, I only yelled about things when I got to a breaking point, and even then I could feel my words went right over her head --- never called her names either. However, I was a bit controlling but because my gut was telling me she was either up to something or could be, if the relationship fell through) and he says, "no... .wait, are you disordered's ex?" Her tone changed and she said something like, "tell his friend over there I need my DVD back" (she had loaned a movie to another friend of mine when we were all at my house where she was living)
So... .I'm thinking she was trying to line something up. I saw her gathering some things at my house (she moves out Sunday) and I said, "wow, you really have the audacity to call my friends with a sob story trying to find something... ." and she says, "no I thought I knew him and I wanted to ask if I was a narcissist" (I had told her she was narcissistic after she somehow found this site, maybe browsing my web history (?) and started telling me I had BPD... .Come on. I may be co-dependent but that's blatant deflection/projection/whatever. And really... .who does that, calling someone up to ask if they are a narcissist? If she was doing that, it would only serve to demonstrate how immature she is, which I told her, and she responded with, "I can't believe I cared so long about what you thought" (Ok? Is that all? You saw me as some dude on a pedestal?)
Looking back, it seems awfully strange how when I asked her to move, she up and stopped talking to me altogether. When we were "together" in her mind, how she sees it, it was constant contact, or updates, then she'd tell me I needed to not text her so much... .A lot of days I would just not text her at all. The dynamic provoked too much anxiety and it felt like it was either clingy attachment or nothing at all. I'm not sure how much of that was mine, but as I said before, as soon as she knew for sure that I wanted her to go, she didn't communicate anything, except to whine about my spending $1 from her account on an app on her phone, insisting I apologize, saying she was going to eat the equivalent amount of my food in the freezer (? what the heck?) then baited me into an argument where I told her she really was disgusting to me (looking back I hate that, I am not that person... .)
Part of that argument was also about bills. How she expected me to give her $1 (again, really... .) when she never paid for any of the bills in 1 1/2 years we lived at my house, except maybe 3 occasions, and bought groceries, which she ate half of, which I didn't pick out. Then said, "well you should've listed it all out for me" ... .Am I crazy to think there is a such thing as an unwritten code of decency or ethics when living with someone you supposedly love? Just hand them some freaking cash once in a while... .I am not a greedy or really picky person, obviously... .
I am still trying to figure out where I messed up. So far I realize I took someone in too fast, didn't have standards for a partner, and basically was desperate at the time. I wasn't in a good place. Now I feel so much lighter. Even with the doubt. I just wish she saw why I asked her to leave, to follow my true north, so to speak. Everyone has their path... .
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