I think an employee has BPD

[Depression = 72% of members]

Honestly, I feel a little silly being on here. I am a boss and have an employee that may have BPD and tries to bully, harass, and control the staff, including the bosses. In my line of work, forcing this employee out is a long, painstaking process that will involve an intense fight. The constant criticism and second-guessing makes it harder for me to keep a level head and lead the organization according to my and our core beliefs, since the antagonism is so intense and volatile, and the personal interactions are so abnormal and detached from real issues and reality. Help!

[alexander_s]

Honestly, I feel a little silly being on here. I am a boss and have an employee that may have BPD and tries to bully, harass, and control the staff, including the bosses. In my line of work, forcing this employee out is a long, painstaking process that will involve an intense fight. The constant criticism and second-guessing makes it harder for me to keep a level head and lead the organization according to my and our core beliefs, since the antagonism is so intense and volatile, and the personal interactions are so abnormal and detached from real issues and reality. Help!

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Struggles]

Hi Alexander,

Don't feel silly posting here.  We are all here for the same reason, and completely understand.  That is definitely a tough position to be in.  And our co workers and employees are often like family because most of us spend more time at work than at home.  So that is a lot of time spent with someone with BPD, and it shows you care by trying to find out the problem and looking into the disorder to better understand it. 

Now that I know what BPD is, I look back at a certain co worker that I worked with that I now feel like she had BPD as well and every day was hell.  It took an act of congress for her to be fired.  She was very good at hiding her mistakes.  My guess is that the person you work with probably makes a lot as well, but the people that notice them are too afraid to come forward.  That's the way I was, until finally I had my breaking point. 

Not really sure what your policies and procedures are at your company, what the work dynamic is.  Do you have input on hiring and firing, if not have you discussed the problem with who does?  I probably wouldn't mention you think they have BPD because then your getting into legal issues.  But I would mention the exact nature of things you have witnessed or been through with the employee.

Also, it will probably be good to keep a diary of when she does something on a colander that way if you are needing to bring this information to someone that you won't forget certain events that took place.  That way you can say, on this date this happened. 

I really hope the situation gets better for you, it's a bad place when you are miserable at work because of one persons entitlement and nasty attitude. 

Sending lots of hope for resolution your way.  Keep posting, this is an awesome place for tools for communication, advice, and really just a great therapeutic release to write down what your feeling to people who are going through the same.

[Turkish]

The HR issues definitely can complicate things... .I've worked corporate for over 25 years,  in the 90s with a likely BPD. Everyone knew she had a temper, and one of the HR people had it in for her due to the way she dressed,  too. It was an ongoing issue on our department. 

Difficult employees can be let go, often,  by layoffs.  If this isn't an option here, we can help you communicate with a difficult person,  or a high conflict personality. 

https://bpdfamily.com/content/ending-conflict

Start there, and take a look at the workshop at the bottom Read More link
Let us know of this is useful.  SET is a good skill to learn anyway,  even of you are already a good communicator. 

Turkish

[Tired_Dad]

Alexander,

It's very good that you are aware and seeking out a way to help your organization. As a boss and a member of management myself the key phrase in your complaint is below:

since the antagonism is so intense and volatile, and the personal interactions are so abnormal and detached from real issues and reality.

Depending on the nature of the business and under what labor laws that you operate under this should be fairly straightforward to address, not necessarily easy to solve, but definitely straightforward.

- Treat all employees consistently regardless of mental illness. Ensure that office and workplace rules are enforced and easily understood
- Document, Document, Document
- Initiate a Performance Improvement Plan and ensure that you or their immediate supervisor is thorough and consistent with the counseling and sets realistic goals.
- If this continues and if your policies allow for it reduce the number of meetings and projects that this person is invited to. If they are seen as optional or for input simply do not invite the conflict, if they are a key part of the team then hold them accountable for their behavior. 

Without more information about the industry, this person's role, workplace rules, or your local labor laws it is difficult to give more advice.

Hope this helps some, and with more details we may be able to help more.

[GaGrl]

I'm so sorry to hear you have a workplace issue involving possible BPD. I have worked in HR divisions for 35 years, primarily in talent development but spent my time in HE generalist work also. You are correct - the process can be difficult.

I have had to terminate employment twice over the years for people I thought had personality disorders. I had to be specific and document to the nth degree the behavior expected, plus specifics of behavior that could not happen. When each situation blew up, it was not in my presence, so extensive interviews and notes were required.

Unfortunately, inaction is toxic to the rest of your team.

[Tattered Heart]

Welcome,

I"m sorry to hear that you are struggling with an employee. I have had experiences with employees who had BPD or NPD. ONe of those employees caused so much chaos in the workplace that I almost lost 5 employees in one day. It was quite an awful experience. Had I known more about PD's at that time I would have handled it a lot better.

I would highly suggest that you document, document, document and have the employee sign paperwork that includes specifics not just about the workplace issue, but also include what is expected of the employee to improve performance in the problem area and what will happen if the employee continues to have issues in performance/behavior.

Although it's not your job as a supervisor to be required to emotionally support and employee, it does create an environment that allows employees to feel heard. As Turkish mentioned earlier using SET will help you say difficult things. Also the tool DEARMAN may help quite a bit. Make sure you and all other supervisors have clear boundaries in what is allowed and not allowed.

I think it's also important that you listen and support other employees that have to work with the BPD employee. Teaching them tools on how to work well with this person may help them. It's a great time to start talking about conflict resolution in the workplace. Try not to allow Triangulation to divide the team. If it seems like another employee is getting to caught up in the drama of the pwBPD, have conversations with the other employee letting them know you appreciate her willingness to support a co-worker but do not want her to be a go-between employees. Have conversations about going directly to sources instead of believe what other people say.

Your role is to bring order out of chaos, to protect your employees, and to ensure the integrity of the company remains in tact. If needed, bring in HR. I would keep your thoughts about BPD quiet, except perhaps to your supervisor. If you do need to let the employee go you do not want it to be seen as something done due to a mental illness but due to poor behavior or performance.