I hope and pray that I have learned this one thing through all of this

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

My divorce was granted Nov 3. Walked out of there feeling like the world lifted off my shoulders.

I realize that so much of what happened through my marriage I allowed to happen to me. I didn't stand up for myself and my needs early on and it dragged out six years.

I need to respect myself and my choices and I need to let others make their decisions based on what they want and need. I need to stop letting someone elses' choices make me miserable.

I have a streak of insecurity in me that I will probably always battle with to some degree but I cannot let it rule me.

I know that was a simple observation but I believe that (at least in my case) we get into these relationships and remain is because of some type of insecurity.

Just my thoughts

BF

 

[byfaith]

My divorce was granted Nov 3. Walked out of there feeling like the world lifted off my shoulders.

I realize that so much of what happened through my marriage I allowed to happen to me. I didn't stand up for myself and my needs early on and it dragged out six years.

I need to respect myself and my choices and I need to let others make their decisions based on what they want and need. I need to stop letting someone elses' choices make me miserable.

I have a streak of insecurity in me that I will probably always battle with to some degree but I cannot let it rule me.

I know that was a simple observation but I believe that (at least in my case) we get into these relationships and remain is because of some type of insecurity.

Just my thoughts

BF

 

[Turkish]

The root of insecurity may be fear.  So you think this is so? If so,  what?

I feared being a 40 year old spinster, the gender definition of that term irrelevant.

[heartandwhole]

I need to respect myself and my choices and I need to let others make their decisions based on what they want and need. I need to stop letting someone elses' choices make me miserable.

Wise words, byfaith.    I can relate. It seems like you've taken steps to start changing this pattern. How can/did you move forward with this?

For me, I need reminders that I'm not responsible for others' feelings and actions. I find that old habits die hard, though, and I tend to take on stuff that doesn't belong to me. When my therapist pointed out that I didn't have to do that (it's not "mine" it felt like a weight off my shoulders!

heartandwhole

[Notwendy]

Wow ByFaith- I saw your post that you were divorced and now have a new beginning. Your insecurities led you to not stand up for yourself in your marriage, and now, you have an opportunity to work on them. Personal growth takes effort, but it is worth it. I am sure you have heard the warnings to not get into another relationship too soon- out of fear or loneliness as we tend to attract people who match us emotionally in some way. I wish you strength in this next step.

[vanx]

Way to go, byfaith! I can relate to what you shared and I agree. It is certainly not too late to make some changes and stand up for yourself better. Regarding the streak of insecurity you speak of, I wanted to say I can relate. I guess I just wanted to say whether insecurity was an issue for you in your marriage, or whether it continues to be a challenge, you owe it to yourself to completely love and accept yourself anyway. Life is a process for all of us. Good for you for choosing to learn from your experience, for accepting responsibility and taking charge. All best!