Where do I began? Breakups, social failures, and life has brought me here

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Hey everyone!
Let me begin by giving some context - I Apologize with how jumbled this may be but I’m not quite sure where I fit but I think this place will be a really good start to my journey in mental health, reparenting, and honestly just trying to get my sh*t together in some way.

I’m a female in my early twenties. I’ve suffered from ADD and Depression since childhood. I also have OCD tendencies.
My mother is very significant in my life as I believe I’m a covert emotional incest survivor - my father plays a major role in this as well but I see him as a more loving and stable person in my life so I tend not to focus as much on our relationship.
She had a very horrific childhood filled with neglect, sexual abuse, physical and verbal abuse (I’m sure emotional, too) - and I find myself hating and also loving this person.
I  recently went through a break-up with my ex SO of two years. I’ve always been extremely emotional and sensitive with extreme self esteem issues and a slew of interpersonal relationship issues.
This recent breakup is forcing me to realize that I have a lot of work to do on myself as well as just really needing support as I’m traversing some really painful stuff both from my past and present.

I know this is all very surface level stuff, but hey, gotta start somewhere.

[Blueturner22]

Hey everyone!
Let me begin by giving some context - I Apologize with how jumbled this may be but I’m not quite sure where I fit but I think this place will be a really good start to my journey in mental health, reparenting, and honestly just trying to get my sh*t together in some way.

I’m a female in my early twenties. I’ve suffered from ADD and Depression since childhood. I also have OCD tendencies.
My mother is very significant in my life as I believe I’m a covert emotional incest survivor - my father plays a major role in this as well but I see him as a more loving and stable person in my life so I tend not to focus as much on our relationship.
She had a very horrific childhood filled with neglect, sexual abuse, physical and verbal abuse (I’m sure emotional, too) - and I find myself hating and also loving this person.
I  recently went through a break-up with my ex SO of two years. I’ve always been extremely emotional and sensitive with extreme self esteem issues and a slew of interpersonal relationship issues.
This recent breakup is forcing me to realize that I have a lot of work to do on myself as well as just really needing support as I’m traversing some really painful stuff both from my past and present.

I know this is all very surface level stuff, but hey, gotta start somewhere.

[Turkish]

That's a good place to start,  Blueturner22, as recent events seem connected to the past.  Reaching out to others here is a good beginning 

Did your parents seek help for you as a child? If so,  how were they supportive (or not)?

I'll share that I was sent to a therapist when I was 13, but my mom (who dropped out of the sessions after the first one where she verbally attacked me) really sent me to get "fixed" I concluded... .

[HappyChappy]

Hey Blueturner2

Welcome to the board. You sound remarkably aware of your situation at such a young age, that can only bode well. ADD seems to crop up a lot in BPD families, not sure if there’s any connection (anyone ?).  My son has ADD and since diagnosis, he’s made wonderful progress.

My  mother also had a car crash of a childhood, but we found out late in life, much of that was exaggeration to get attention. No one got sympathy in out house without our BPD creaming off the good stuff first. The stories normally began “During the war... .” If  you sprained  your knee, then she would have had two shattered knees, surgically replaced , no 3 shattered knees ! 

You mention topics and issues that many on here are familiar with. So feel free to tell us more about what thoughts or behaviours you are struggling with. This site is remarkably un judgmental. And the Mods are very skilful. Welcome.