Devaluation/splitting Complex PTSD (C-PTSD) vs BPD

[limetaste]

So, short story here. My domestic partner (16 months relationship) decided to pack her stuff up and just leave for about 2 weeks ago. This came out of nowhere, sure we had argued a lot recently about small staff she got really empty, sad and furious over (this was almost ALWAYS when she felt I criticized her or complained which she overracted to in an extreme way). Her reasons was that I didn't respect her, didn't change, and she wasn't in love with me anymore? Hadn't noticed this love-part at all, just two days before she told me she loved me, etc... .

She isn't diagnosed, so I'm trying to understand what the beep is going on. Lurked Internet around and this "Complex PTSD" came up, much interesting.
I know she had a psychological abusive father that the family left when she was around 15 years old. We have talked about this very much, she knows she is "damaged" as she calls it, and after showing her information about PTSD more than half a year ago she understood why she always had this anxiety etc. At this time I didn't know what COMPLEX PTSD was. Which I'm very sure that she's suffering from.

My question is, does this devaluation, splitting partner into black also occur in this diagnose? Please do share your experience and knowledge.

[burrymemarryme]

this sounds like BPD to me but of course i am no doctor. She probably has ptsd as well considering the abusive father and BPD can stem from abuse and ptsd i hope that gives you some information.

[Justbecause]

My ex was a tightly wound ball of anxiety and accusation. I met her at work, she worked for a school my facility worked with. I was with her 2 years and at the start she mentioned something about childhood abuse. She was also very quick on the love and marriage and baby stuff, while I found that to be a little overwhelming. She'd break up with me continuously, eventually I said we need to work out how to move forward can I have some time I asked? No she said.

A couple of months later I found out she been seeing someone for ages and was very much in love. I felt abused and lied to. I called her and I rowed at her, I was so broken and confused. We'd been talking about getting back together and she'd been with this guy a while. I was sure she'd been cheating on me before. Next day I'm suspended from work, for harrassment and abuse of her. She says it has nothing to do with her and explains she's been diagnosed with C-PTSD.

Five months later she recycled me twice only to leave me for the other guy again. She got engaged to him while she was back with me. She claimed the accusations were made by her manager and she was now being bullied, I dropped the complaint i made, she disappeared. All was discovered in time, but she never explained or took any responsibility.

There were obviously a lot of lies in this process, and a lot of manipulation and abuse of my trust and feelings. That is not C-PTSD. It was deliberate, planned and entirely motivated by her need to avoid responsibility and not end up alone. She was married 6 months later.

It may have started with PTSD, but when you study BPD and PTSD there is a chicken and egg reality. Those with BPD are more prone to develop PTSD and PTSD can develop into BPD. Personally I'm with the former. The abandonment issues associated with C-PTSD will not go unmissed by the person that carries them, at some point they will face their choices. Relationships do this, and people with these conditions usually do awful things to partners. (Mine is the master of projection and false accusations, her ex husband and bf both ended up arrested) there is no getting away from their behaviour, at least not in their own heads.

When these lucid periods happen, one of two things will result. The BPD will seek help and may well be undiagnosed (mine is), or they will create reasons to justify their behaviour: he made me do it, he's abusive, I just wasn't happy etc. When a relationship is truly over, the wreckage will be built around you while she walks away.

PTSD is caused by something, or somebody. I feel this diagnosis often only keeps a BPD from accountability, and given their ability to twist events and the past, may be based on abuse that never actually happened. It becomes an excuse, for BPD behaviour. In my personal situation I do not believe her claims of abuse, at best they are exaggerated. The real anger is at her parents.

I've heard some people call BPD post emotional stress disorder, as emotions are so intense for BPD they are in their own right traumatic. The name is not important, it's the motivation behind their actions that explains them, intense fear of loneliness and abandonment and a tendancy to associate relationships as the cure, which is logical when you think about it.

Any help? Sorry I went on a bit

[No-One]

 Limetaste:
It takes a professional to make a diagnosis, and it's even confusing for them.  Many who eventually get a BPD diagnosis, have been previously diagnosed with PTSD.  BPD is a spectrum disorder and rarely stands alone.  Anxiety disorders, depression, ADHD, bi-polar and other disorders are commonly involved.

BPD can be environmental, genetic or a combination of both.  Many people exhibit some degree of BPD traits, without having the disorder.  Actually, it's probably hard to find someone who doesn't struggle with a couple BPD traits (at least at some point in their life).

Some families tend to pass on a genetic predisposition for anxiety and depression, even without abuse.  A history of abuse, really amps things up.  When anxiety and depression aren't managed (no coping skills), enough BPD traits can mount up to the level of perhaps qualifying for a diagnosis.

It's complicated and everyone is a little different.  A good approach is to deal with the behaviors.   Splitting (black & white) is a common BPD behavior - all or nothing, good or bad.  Also, "fear of abandonment" is common.  Some, with "fear of abandonment" will abandon someone, before they can be abandoned.  Has your partner ever had any therapy or treatment for any mental illness in the past?

[Lost-love-mind]

's been diagnosed with C-PTSD.

Five months later she recycled me twice only to leave me for the other guy again. She got engaged to him while she was back with me. She claimed the accusations were made by her manager and she was now being bullied, I dropped the complaint i made, she disappeared. All was discovered in time, but she never explained or took any responsibility.

. That is not C-PTSD. It was deliberate, planned and entirely motivated by her need to avoid responsibility and not end up alone.

It may have started with PTSD, but when you study BPD and PTSD there is a chicken and egg reality. Those with BPD are more prone to develop PTSD and PTSD can develop into BPD. Personally I'm with the former. The abandonment issues associated with C-PTSD will not go unmissed by the person that carries them, at some point they will face their choices. Relationships do this, and people with these conditions usually do awful things to partners. (Mine is the master of projection and false accusations, her ex husband and bf both ended up arrested) there is no getting away from their behaviour, at least not in their own heads.

When these lucid periods happen, one of two things will result. The BPD will seek help and may well be undiagnosed (mine is), or they will create reasons to justify their behaviour: he made me do it, he's abusive, I just wasn't happy etc. When a relationship is truly over, the wreckage will be built around you while she walks away.

PTSD is caused by something, or somebody. I feel this diagnosis often only keeps a BPD from accountability, and given their ability to twist events and the past, may be based on abuse that never actually happened. It becomes an excuse, for BPD behaviour. In my personal situation I do not believe her claims of abuse, at best they are exaggerated. The real anger is at her parents.

I've heard some people call BPD post emotional stress disorder, as emotions are so intense for BPD they are in their own right traumatic. The name is not important, it's the motivation behind their actions that explains them, intense fear of loneliness and abandonment and a tendancy to associate relationships as the cure, which is logical when you think about it.

Any help? Sorry I went on a bit

Interesting PTSD analysis. I'm pretty sure my exBPD was molested as a teenager by one of her mother's BF's.
She was 45 but emotionally a teenager stuck in time with constant texting with love bombing the first month. Wore pigtails when we went out to public events. Really confused me since at other times she was mature and lucid.

Again, thanks for your analysis.

[MeandThee29]

It takes a professional to make a diagnosis, and it's even confusing for them.  Many who eventually get a BPD diagnosis, have been previously diagnosed with PTSD.  BPD is a spectrum disorder and rarely stands alone.  Anxiety disorders, depression, ADHD, bi-polar and other disorders are commonly involved.

Mine was formally diagnosed with PTSD over a decade ago, then diagnosed with BPD earlier this year.

Now that I look back, there were signs of BPD from the beginning, but he was high functioning. Then has his health began to fail, there was more of the BPD over time. Our children quietly gave up on a relationship with him because they couldn't count on him, and they saw the erratic behavior and didn't want to engage any more. He began treating me as the scapegoat and was controlling. He tried to commit suicide earlier this year, got better, and then became even worse. I believe now that he had a major PTSD outbreak on top of the BPD bout six weeks before we separated.

Now he's in another state, not close to any family and friends. He refuses counselling. He talks to his siblings several times a week and emails me here-and-there. He doesn't want me to ever tell him anything about our young adults again. Sometimes he's friendly in the emails, and then I periodically get "this is it, have a nice life" emails. He cycles. For various reasons that my therapist agrees with, I haven't gone no contact yet.

It's all heartbreaking. From his standpoint, I'm of course completely responsible. Certainly I failed on my fronts, but I realize now that the breakup was almost inevitable. In a way, having him so far away does take the pressure off of me. Our kids are doing well in college and are busy with friends. I'm getting out more and am making progress in therapy. Life goes on.