Hoping to find some friendly voices...and advice

[Hope4Tmrw]

I'm brand new here.  It's been 7 weeks since I escaped and left, with only my cat and not much else.  My boyfriend of 2 1/2+ years is BPD (as diagnosed by me, after lots and lots of reading).  I've been in a living Hell for the past year, and am still feeling lost and helpless.  Noone knows, and noone in  my world could possibly understand.  Not even me. 
I want so badly to help him, to protect him, but I can't be with him.  I know I've been lucky to get out alive.  I worry so much about him.   The healthcare system is a complete joke trying to get help. He finally is trying to get help, and the primary care physician who he's required to go through, simply tells him he's going through a midlife crisis. 
Hoping to find some friendly voices who understand.

[araneina]

I'm brand new here.  It's been 7 weeks since I escaped and left, with only my cat and not much else.  My boyfriend of 2 1/2+ years is BPD (as diagnosed by me, after lots and lots of reading).  I've been in a living Hell for the past year, and am still feeling lost and helpless.  Noone knows, and noone in  my world could possibly understand.  Not even me. 
I want so badly to help him, to protect him, but I can't be with him.  I know I've been lucky to get out alive.  I worry so much about him.   The healthcare system is a complete joke trying to get help. He finally is trying to get help, and the primary care physician who he's required to go through, simply tells him he's going through a midlife crisis. 
Hoping to find some friendly voices who understand.

I'm happy he's trying to find help.  My ex refuses professional help, thinking he's better than them and can do it himself.  These types of relationships are so hard - but in the end we're better off.  I'm only a month out of mine and I do miss him and it does hurt to think about never seeing him again, but the anxiety I used to struggle with on a daily basis is slowly fading, and I feel like a weight has been lifted.  Of course I worry about him... the last time we talked he told me he almost died from alcohol poisoning... .but he didn't think that was a big problem.  And in the end, it is NOT my problem.

We are now free to find a relationship with a healthy, secure man.  You will get there.

In the meantime, I suggest seeking out therapy to help you through this hard time.  My heart goes out to you.

[so_overit]

I'm 11 days after my husband of 12 year moved out. I feel your pain. My STBX went to a psych who diagnosed him with misophonia, gave him a med. He took it for 2 weeks and then decided he would not stay on it, he weened himself off and won't go back to psych or therapist.

I feel absolutely horrible, I feel bad for him, sorry for him. He is renting a room in someone's house. He calls every day, he's most likely realizing what he has done. He is not a bad guy, he's a sick guy. I feel guilt, but I had to break from him to protect my children. He made promises for 5 years, about how he would change, promises never kept. He would be good for 2-3 weeks, then blow up, then go on a 3-4 day rage... .then shame. Round and round we went.

I don't know if I'm a friendly voice, but I do understand. 

[hope2727]

So sorry fit your pain, for all of your pain. Yes they are troubled people. Yes they are grid souls in their own way. No that does not excuse their behaviour. I know its super hard but you are not alone. Its a long journey but you will come out the other side. keep reading and keep posting, Be gentle on yourself. You have endured a great trauma.

[itgetsbetter94]

I just wanted to say, we've all been there on this board, you are not alone.
I remember, when I first got out, my hands were shaking while I was typing my first post here. I was crying and trembling uncontrollably. I thought my whole life has been ruined. I still had a scar on my hand from trying to hurt myself and possibly do something even more stupid.
Trust me, it gets better. You will get there. Let the time do it's magic, stay on this board, take comfort in your friends and family, start therapy, count your blessings for getting out and think of this period of your life as a new start.

[Seenowayout]

You're in a safe place.  I TOTALLY understand.

"No one knows, and no one in my world could possibly understand.  Not even me"

I can relate to that so much.  And most other non's here can too.  I've read that same phrase over and over again in so many posts.  I think that is something worth pondering -- what is it about me/you that put us in that relationship, kept us in that relationship, makes me long for that relationship still sometimes?

I'm seven months out from someone I'm sure was BPD.  She didn't want to even entertain the concept, never mind get help.  She went from literally idolizing me to constantly shaming me -- all in a 2 year timespan.  Nothing was ever her fault, she was a constant victim -- that alone convinces me she had serious problems.

But I'm getting to my role in it as well.  I'm beginning to see how I got there. 

Give yourself time to heal.  You will!  I promise!  And then we can start digging in our own dirt again.