Anyone else watched their BPD/C-PTSD ex marry their next one really quick?

[Depression = 72% of members]

My experience was traumatic and six months on it still hurts a lot. I've had therapy and failed badly at NC (though she has fully discarded me and never replies, NC is best after you go through this).

After being chucked out for the hundredth time, I refused to be pulled back stating we needed to work out how to move forward. Weeks later she is seeing someone one else and has claimed to work colleagues I was/am abusing and harassing her. Cue a work investigation and her recycling me twice to control that situation in her interests.

Before the first recycle she explained she'd been diagnosed with PTSD, before the second recycle she got engaged to the other guy, having been together a few months ( but most likely cheating for longer I suppose). She got married last week.

So much confusion, incredible dishonesty and manipulation. Conversations with exes explained a history of accusations leading to arrests and similar behaviour. An ability to twist and recreate words and events well outside of reality.

Met, engaged,living together and married in 13 months. During which she left him for me twice, and has no doubt continuously claimed I was a bad guy... .

... .I laughed, but there is horrible other feeling. It's the feeling that I was the problem, that I was not good enough and I was wrong to see her anxiety and  fear as something she needed to deal with, and that marriage would not fix. That's the fallout of BPD ( I'm as sure as I can be she has it) it's the way it leaves you feeling crazy, inadequate and traumatized by your choice to trust someone who never saw you as a person, just a vehicle for their self esteem.

I hope it ends in a wreckage, but it won't be her that hurts, it never is.

[Justbecause]

My experience was traumatic and six months on it still hurts a lot. I've had therapy and failed badly at NC (though she has fully discarded me and never replies, NC is best after you go through this).

After being chucked out for the hundredth time, I refused to be pulled back stating we needed to work out how to move forward. Weeks later she is seeing someone one else and has claimed to work colleagues I was/am abusing and harassing her. Cue a work investigation and her recycling me twice to control that situation in her interests.

Before the first recycle she explained she'd been diagnosed with PTSD, before the second recycle she got engaged to the other guy, having been together a few months ( but most likely cheating for longer I suppose). She got married last week.

So much confusion, incredible dishonesty and manipulation. Conversations with exes explained a history of accusations leading to arrests and similar behaviour. An ability to twist and recreate words and events well outside of reality.

Met, engaged,living together and married in 13 months. During which she left him for me twice, and has no doubt continuously claimed I was a bad guy... .

... .I laughed, but there is horrible other feeling. It's the feeling that I was the problem, that I was not good enough and I was wrong to see her anxiety and  fear as something she needed to deal with, and that marriage would not fix. That's the fallout of BPD ( I'm as sure as I can be she has it) it's the way it leaves you feeling crazy, inadequate and traumatized by your choice to trust someone who never saw you as a person, just a vehicle for their self esteem.

I hope it ends in a wreckage, but it won't be her that hurts, it never is.

[MeandThee29]

I haven't heard anything, but it wouldn't surprise me. We're separated after 25 years of marriage.

My husband was talking about finding someone better after only three weeks of separation, and a few weeks later was talking about living with someone. I think he was trying to hurt me, but it's possible he was telegraphing his intentions.

[hope2727]

I assume they are married by now but yes they were together within two weeks of his leaving if not sooner.

It sucks but its the reality. Keep your chin up.

[Lostinanother]

How do you get over the anger and rid yourself of all the questions you were left with? I’m NC but finding myself now on a roller coaster of emotions - mostly anger and sadness... .
how do you let go of the anger or does it fade with time?

[happendtome]

My ex got married fast too. And she also replaced me very fast.
Anyway, this is just one of those things that i cant change, so im putting all my focus to this that i could just completely forget everything i had with her. Not so easy, but time will help me here.
Ive actually always enjoyed time being alone. I had only forgotten that feeling when i was with my ex. Theres so much positive when you are single. You dont have to worry about the others, you get more financial freedom, you can do whatever you want whenever you want. BPD or not BPD, i see everyday that single people are more happier, more relaxed and so on.

[MeandThee29]

Ive actually always enjoyed time being alone. I had only forgotten that feeling when i was with my ex. Theres so much positive when you are single. You dont have to worry about the others, you get more financial freedom, you can do whatever you want whenever you want. BPD or not BPD, i see everyday that single people are more happier, more relaxed and so on.

I have two young adults in college at home and a host of friends. We live in an area with a lot of opportunity that is unfortunately is also very expensive, and they've both talked about living at home and working while they save up for their own places. Frankly that's plenty for me for the foreseeable future.

[happendtome]

Meandthee29, I think your kids are making wise choice. If kids are in good terms with parents and everything works fine between them then it makes sense to live under one roof.

[Justbecause]

How do you get over the anger and rid yourself of all the questions you were left with? I’m NC but finding myself now on a roller coaster of emotions - mostly anger and sadness... .
how do you let go of the anger or does it fade with time?

The questions are still there and I rage over them daily, the complete confusion is the real source of the pain for me. So I think you just have to find an answer greater than the exact details of what happened. For me that's getting much easier.

Her/their behaviour is simply not reasonable, they lie when the truth would serve them better, they make immature decisions they are embarrassed by and regret, again and again and again. They feel great shame but lack the strength to deal with it, they rush into relationships hoping to find themselves in someone else. They make terrible mistakes.

They are trapped in whatever childhood trauma hurt them and have not matured emotionally, that is the basis of their mental illness. Bad choices, bad behaviour, stupid mistakes: you were in a relationship with an emotional infant

[hope2727]

Her/their behaviour is simply not reasonable, they lie when the truth would serve them better, they make immature decisions they are embarrassed by and regret, again and again and again. They feel great shame but lack the strength to deal with it, they rush into relationships hoping to find themselves in someone else. They make terrible mistakes.

I agree entirely EXCEPT ... .I think I would differ slightly and say that they make terrible choices.

Falling off your bicycle is a mistake. Stepping on the dog's foot is a mistake. Breaking a window with a baseball is a mistake.

Cheating, Lying, Manipulating, Overspending, and faking an entire personality are not a mistakes... .they are choices. Terrible terrible choices.

 I forgave him over and over and over again. That was a choice too. A terrible choice. But I can learn from my experiences. My pwBPD does not appear to be able to.
It is very sad in truth. 

One of the best things my psychologist taught me was that he knew right from wrong. He choose wrong because he wanted to. And he was never sorry for what he did he was only sorry he got caught.

Still very sad. And in truth I am really missing him today. I will be so glad when I finally don't anymore.

[Justbecause]

I agree entirely EXCEPT ... .I think I would differ slightly and say that they make terrible choices.

Agreed

[MeandThee29]

Meandthee29, I think your kids are making wise choice. If kids are in good terms with parents and everything works fine between them then it makes sense to live under one roof.

Yes, we three get along extremely well. They're working and going to college, and the older one is headed out for six months in January with the National Guard. With that new development, they probably will graduate at about the same time.

I respect their judgement, and they respect mine. We help each other out. My older one helps out with household expenses too.