Can’t get over him looking so happy with the life he promised me.

[Lovesjesus]

I have posted before about how difficult it has been to get over my ex bf with BPD. In my mind I know I should be glad it wasn’t me but I was so happy when we were together. My ex and I dated for 2 years. About a year after we met he joined the Marine Corp after he got out of boot camp and while in school the accusations of me cheating started. It got exausting trying to convince him I had been loyal. We broke up in March. By August he was engaged and married to someone else. He is only 19. Now I find out they are expecting a baby. He is living the life he promised me even tho I told him we needed to wait 4 years til I got out of college and he got out of the Corp.  It punches me in the gut to see him happy and living the life we dreamed of together. Even tho I always had to reassure him how much I loved him I have never felt so loved and then betrayed by another person. It still hurts deeply. Could someone please tell me if they experienced something similar and how they have been able to move on. Thanks

[hope2727]

I totally can relate. He is living our life with my replacement. But I am still alive. I have the chance to heal and grow. He does not likely have that ability.

It takes a long time. Read how to survive the loss of a love. It helped me a great deal. My psychologist recommended it and I have worn a couple of copies out.

Eat when you can walk when you can rest when you can and try to breathe new life into yourself. You are worthy and deserving of a happy healthy love.

[earlyL]

I absolutely can relate, it is the most painful experience I have been through. Breaking up is always hard, but watching someone you talked about having that future with someone else so quickly is truly brutal. My ex and started a business together and she asked me to leave the business, I am pretty sure my replacement is now part of it while I have struggled to find other work.

How did you find out about the other person and now the pregnancy? I have chosen to remove myself from our mutual friends and have stayed off social media. Although this hasn't been easy and it might not be possible for you, but I just found any kind of info was such a trigger, it was exhausting and caused me too much pain. It was the hardest part asking friends not to contact me, and at first I was angry that I had to go down that route, but it has really helped me. I feel my self esteem coming back and I have made new friends. I still feel a bit lost, like I am learning who I am again, and I do break down occasionally, but I have learnt that it never lasts that long now and that is when I know I am healing.

Hope2727 is absolutely right - take each day at a time, I promise it does get easier.

EL

[Lovesjesus]

I’ve asked all my friends not to tell me anything. But I still have a few friends who are also friends with the ex who seem to think I’d fine the news I’m using since it is so bizarre

[itgetsbetter94]

The promised life is a fairytale.  It doesn't exist. Neither for you, nor for his current partner.
Don't fall in the trap of thinking that the new partner is getting all the good stuff and that BPD won't ever rear it's ugly head. It's probably happening as I'm typing this.
For goodness sake, people, these folks DON'T CHANGE. They were the same with their exes, with us, with their current partner and will continue to abuse and mind**** all the future ones!
Everything promised was just an illusion.  Or even better- a trap!
Please, don't torment yourself thinking someone else is getting all their best, that you lost and now someone else is living your fairytale.
Just take a look at the amount of posts written on this board... .stories, lives, destinies, life dramas, confessions... .
Do you really believe there is such thing as riding with someone with BPD into the sunset and living happily ever after?

[hope2727]

Ingestbetter94 is correct of course. Its still tough to grieve the loss of the dream. And perhaps their new person is just a better match. Mine seems happy and most days I am happy for him. I know that the trauma he caused me was profound and for my replacements sake I hope his is getting the help he needs to not repeat his patterns. If he is then I fully expect her to reach out to me at some point. Either way I am rebuilding my life and trying to find some joy.

I highly suggest the totally NC route. Make it clear the minute friends open their mouths that you aren't interested in listening. I had a friend text me last night. She and I had similar break ups at the same time. Hers just split with his new partner. She looked at mines FB and I had to say NOPE. I don't want to know. Meanwhile I am going to make some noodles and watch Walking Dead. I pretend the zombies are him sometimes.
 

[Lovesjesus]

Thank you itgetsbetter94. It makes so much sense what you are saying. It has only been a total of 6 months with the new girl. In that time they got married engaged and pregnant. It took a good year for him to start his manipulation with me couple that with distance I see now it was only a matter of time. Thank you for reminding me that these people don't change and that the same thing will likely happen to her only now they share a child together.