Ex uses divorce proceedings to bully me via email

[Wolfsocks]

I just saw there is a new e-mail in the file where me exBPDw's emails are automatically send to. I didn't click on it yet. So far she has used our conversations about the divorce proceedings to shower me with insults and hate. There is only a little left to deal with (mostly money matters) but since the divorce will have to wait until next year I am not in much of a hurry.

I tried to address the remaining organisational points in a calm and firm manner in October but she has been completely irrational and abusive. She basically claims that I have to give her a lot of money and have to pay for the whole divorce while she doesn't have to pay anything because she is the victim of outrageous adultery (she's not).

Right now I am so fed up and angry about her manipulation and these yearslong violations of my boundaries that I am flirting with the idea to give her the silent treatment for the rest of the year so I can recover. I already tried my best in October and it was fruitless.

What do you think?

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Wolf,

Do you have a divorce lawyer?  If so, why not ask him/her to handle it?

If not, maybe you could limit your access to that special file/folder to once a week, or once very two weeks, or once a month?  It's unacceptable for her to shower you with insults and hate.

Just because your Ex says, "jump!" doesn't mean that you should ask, "How high?"  Every unkind message doesn't necessarily warrant a reply.

LJ

[Mutt]

Hi Wolfsocks,



I think that you’re dreading reading those emails, I would too, what’s the rush? It can wait.

I’d like to echo Lucky Jim, i mostly read my email on my phone and i didn’t want to read emails that were a buzz kill during the day time. I set time aside on Thursday evenings to go through the emails, I’d scan them looking to respond to what is valid to respond to. I read her emails once a week.

I tried to address the remaining organisational points in a calm and firm manner in October but she has been completely irrational and abusive

It sucks all of your energy. I can understand feeling resentful and wanting to give her thee silent treatment. Defend your boundaries by not giving her a response. Do you think if you respond to her that she’ll respond back with something calm and logical?

She just wants attention, don’t give it to her. Validate the valid don’t validate the invalid. Absolutely, turn your attention towards yourself and take really good care of yourself. I agree with your idea with self protection.

[Wolfsocks]

Thank you, Mutt and Lucky Jim for your support. You are right... .she won't behave rationally because she can't. Still I refuse to be treated like that. Unfortunately I don't have a lawyer (yet) but I will only read her e-mails once a week. And yes: I will focus on myself.

Thank you so much.