Do think you have BPD traits or do you think it was the projection

[Cire155]

I was not a good fit for my ex. I likely have traits of BPD myself. I contributed to the push/pull factor.
I can be as angry at my ex as I want but that's not going to help me in the long run. It's really delving deeper into yourself that will pull you out of this, and yes, no contact, removing yourself from a toxic situation can in many circumstances be very helpful!

I want to know if you really think you have BPD traits or do you think it was the projection from the ex that made you have these traits? After my breakup with my exBPD, I notice I started looking at myself as having the traits but I totally think it was from my ex projecting her shortcomings onto me.

[Lucky Jim]

After my breakup with my exBPD, I notice I started looking at myself as having the traits but I totally think it was from my ex projecting her shortcomings onto me.

Hey Cire155, Most likely it was all projection from your BPDx.  One other possibility is that, like me, you may have mirrored some behaviors of your BPDx.  At one time on this board, we referred to this as getting a "case of the fleas"!  It worked like this: anytime my Ex did something abusive, I gave it right back to her in spades.  Only problem was that is was an ineffective strategy and only exacerbated what was already a bad situation, like pouring gasoline on a fire.  I soon abandoned this approach in favor of disengagement, which proved more successful for me.

LJ

[itgetsbetter94]

I admit I do have some BPD traits myself and I had them long before my BPD ex.
They were most prominent during my adolescence and 20s, but some are still existing (self harming, thinking extensively about suicide, but never acting upon it; impulsivity; strong, irrational fear of abandonment; feelings of strong anger; lack of self control; craving for love, followed by the tendency of f******it up after I get it; feelings of inadequacy; low self esteem; infidelities; struggling with being alone). I did online test for BPD, it said I have some moderate traits of BPD. So, I guess, on the spectrum, I'm between low and medium.
But, as I'm getting older (growing up :D), I see that I'm becoming more patient, have more self discipline and want my life to be peaceful, loving and drama free.
The experience with my BPD ex taught me that I definitely don't want no instability in my life, not from me and not from my future SO.
I always contributed those erratic traits to me being an Aries, but I honestly do believe that my brain sometimes works against me and that I have to work extra hard to keep it under control.

[Justbecause]

I want to know if you really think you have BPD traits or do you think it was the projection from the ex that made you have these traits? After my breakup with my exBPD, I notice I started looking at myself as having the traits but I totally think it was from my ex projecting her shortcomings onto me.

I have felt the same way, but I don't fear abandonment so much I'm willing to engage false relationships, and that is the basis of their choices. Being with someone with mental health issues can leave you with mental health issues. I believed her accusations, I felt I must have been causing her so much pain, although I really did not see how. Its normal to feel the way you do, that's true projection and it's only possible from someone who HAS to reflect blame.

You're all good

[Harley Quinn]

Possibly the best way to know if this is projection or possibly PD traits is to consider whether the things you consider to be traits right now have been present throughout your life and did they cause issues for you?  

In fact as many as 50% of all partners of pwBPD do have a PD themselves or traits of.  When you think about the fact that a diagnosis requires a minimum number of several traits to be present, it's quite possible that everyone on earth has a couple of traits of one or more of these disorders without it having a significantly negative effect on their relationships and lives overall.

We each know ourselves best and if it has come to light that there are things in our lives that we would wish to change in order to grow and become emotionally healthier the best thing to do would be to seek a consultation with a professional who can advise on this.  

Personally I spoke to my counsellor and doctor and requested a psych evaluation from a mental health professional.

Love and light x