She's married now. I want her and the kids to come home.

[Depression = 72% of members]

A new email...

She is requesting her coat, and her hobby items... she now has new coat — and I know she has some of those hobby items as her freind shipped her some.

She gave the new year salutation, and then asked for those items again being vague, about how many and what items specifically. Nothing about her kids stuff... (sad)

I know she is reaching out for contact and compliance-

 I am going to say:

R,

Of course, I will send the coat and supplies, If you send the money as we discussed before. I will ship those things you just requested, and I will ensure they are  protected for shipping.

It will In a tyvex shipping envelope like your  products usually comes in.

What do you think?

[Whoad]

A new email...

She is requesting her coat, and her hobby items... she now has new coat — and I know she has some of those hobby items as her freind shipped her some.

She gave the new year salutation, and then asked for those items again being vague, about how many and what items specifically. Nothing about her kids stuff... (sad)

I know she is reaching out for contact and compliance-

 I am going to say:

R,

Of course, I will send the coat and supplies, If you send the money as we discussed before. I will ship those things you just requested, and I will ensure they are  protected for shipping.

It will In a tyvex shipping envelope like your  products usually comes in.

What do you think?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Whoad]

Well a response, not having anything to do with her clothes, hobby stuff.

She claims a freind screenshot my Facebook profile and there are two photos on the intro, one of her son doing a activity that he does with me, and one of her, doing something with me that was funny as hell. 

She does not want them viewed publicly.

It is reaction to her not getting me to send her stuff on my dime... she has no money and needed to attack me. I understand that end.

My initial reaction 1) -“ go to he—“
2) Block her ( as we know she viewed my page as it is public profile though she is not a friend)
3) kindly explain those pictures are mine and I can use them how I wish.
( this would make it worse)
4) ignore the whole thing
5) delete  the intro ( didn’t  use it till a week ago)

6) “ when you wrote  that it seems you think I did something wrong by allowing photos of activities  and times I enjoyed with you all to be seen by the public.”

Any ideas.

[Skip]

She's married.
You still want her back.
She is opening some small level of communication with you.
Should you fight her or a appease her?

The obvious answer would seem to be "appease".

Send her the stuff she wants (UPS or USPS is cheap enough).

Take the pictures down... .and do it with a note that says they are great memories you cherish, and I don't need be on Facebook to be cherished. I will surely take them down if it bothers you.

These actions aren't going to make her leave her marriage - but they will buy some goodwill (or at least not buy bad will) - and that may help you reconnect at some future point if her marriage breaks down.

Do you want to open these doors. Is the price reasonable.

[Whoad]

There is definitely something wrong with her.

I chose not violate my boundary of paying for her property to be shipped to her. I never told to her leave, we didn’t fight, she left all on her own, in her emotional reaction to a perceived whatever,  it is consequence of leaving. If I move on, it goes Salvation Army, and or donations. When/if she returns her stuff is here, and she doesn’t have to transport it back.

If she really wants her stuff she can send me money, and I will ship it. I should have my car back today to transport if her money arrives. ( it won’t) by the way  my mail service is 3 miles away that’s a long winter walk when temps are single digits.

But she has not sent any money for the flat rate shipping. It’s not my problem.

Now onto the other stuff ... I removed my intro photos and sent a message to her and was  friendly. Not word for word but very close. Cherish etc...   She had already blocked me on Facebook before that and shortly after the email was sent, she made her Instagram public. ( no email back) This is bizarre.

Why you ask-  for months she has made Facebook about what she wants you to see. She had not blocked me at all. I just refused to look at her page, as she used as a tool to hurt me. So blocking me ahh whatever no biggie. I was at peace not looking, but to open her Instagram and kept it open for two days now... just plain wierd... makes no sense. Her communication skills this time have been to others to tell me her business, getting engaged, to converting, to vacation, to getting married... never directly to me. I won’t deal with them, I am concerned but she has me black. What do you do when they refuse to speak to you all that time, at least now I get an email, and little knowledge of her actions.

Instagram I did look at... I see she met up with her dad on her way to Xmas destination... Wow body language of him, he was not happy, not smiling, and he took a pic with his new son in law and he leaned away from him... he did not lean on his daughter, nor did he smile. Marked difference of old photos of them... this was not a happy meeting. ( she is actually not allowed to stay with her dad or his family, nor visit for longer than hour. * she stole phones, and money from them and got kicked out and made homeless with three kids- it was bad)

There was some pics of the trip. Her daughter doing “dab” which we as a family found disrespectful and it was banned at our public school. She grounded her daughter and son when living here when they got in trouble at school for it.

The pictures were there to mess with me... I know that... it was interesting she placed a photo of tattoo drawing thing, and I just got 1/3 session done on new tattoo while she was on vacation... coincidence think not...

I am going to continue to do my thing, I do want them back. She is making some communication that was gone for 6 months. But my boundary is send money, and list of items I will ship... otherwise it sits here till I’m done, and then I will remove it from my life forever.

I’m not letting her action dictate my happiness, I love her with all my heart. But I also love myself... i’m Not done... the bet is now, once she hears I have an interview and placement she will come running back... I’m not sure she would—I had a great job the last time she left and came back... I have been living good, and not stressed about finances before or after my job loss... I had money saved,. Moving forward...

[Whoad]

Well, it’s done...

I mean that in the way that I have had enough. It has taken me along time.
I have had freind,  a girl I could talk to for both these episodes. She has been there through my darkest thoughts, and knows my biggest secrets.

I have been torn on moving on fearful of my ex returning, and having thinking to do the right thing as part of moral values. I have been afraid to go to this girls house very long periods that is  near her old place of work for fear of loosing what I had with her. Spy’s and what not.  I like this girl, we share many interests, and she is genuine.

 This had to be frustrating for my freind, whom I have missed maybe clues and ques  she was interested in me, but afraid to push, and or communicate other than ennuendo. 

I got to point with her last week that I was done with the half talk and mentioning other guys, when her own freind (me) wanted to be with her.  I told her how long and how much I liked her as a freind and loved her as freind, and that it was now a enough... The ongoing joke was she would never Be with me, and and wasn’t her type, and I would fall in love and not separate freinds and sex. But she includes me in her life decisions, ask me to take care of her when was sick, stuff I think a boyfriend would do. I am sure she has been afraid of my ex returning and fear of becoming too involved and being heartbroken cuz I would have stuck my head up arse.

So I put it  out there. We agreed we really like each other, love each other as freinds, and I then told her I wanted more even if not as g/b . Just more... and something happened between us... now it is slow. But she said I love you in way with softness and caring, and that was saying out not reflex. I have not heard it since... due to stresses of some other stuff in her life and also mine. She barely talked to me after three days, just a text here and there... she was is/ so occupied by other stresses, I stepped back and let her have space, and didn’t push talking, or us to the  fore front. Again I am positive that her reluctance and fear of my ex returning and me not getting my act together is big doo doo...

So, I finally on Monday had a dream and told my ex I was done being hurt I want no more. I am done. I then Tuesday with help of family member over the phone began to clean my life and rid them. I gathered all the clothes and took it to Salvation Army. I then got overwhelmed by how much stuff my ex had...   Not the kids had. This new girl said she will help me, to remove this stuff. When her own stressors calms down... ( I agree her issue is larger than mine)

I will visit this site to learn from how to start new and healthy relationships.

But as for worrying about my ex and the kids, I know I will have to deal with split to white... but she no longer has place to return to. I have my control...

I want a healthy loving human in my life. I am great person, loving, kind, and generous. That is my core value. I will not let someone take and ruin it for someone else or ruin me. 

I love myself too much to ever be hurt like that again.

Thanks skip... I’ll post and pervue advice, on how to move forward,  1st step, get their stuff out... next block, and send legal items.

 I would block and then send the legal items but I don’t want her having a reason to come back here in a panic, that I have to deal with confrontation. I want it all out of here so she has nothing to come back to, and no place to stay.

My family and her family have both stated this will be the biggest loss of her life and it has to happen— will she get help? I don’t know. I want her to be healthy.  I wanted her  to be happy,  but I don’t want to be hurt anymore. I loved her so much, I do love her but don’t love her enough to be hurt like this. I’m not in love with her anymore.

Thanks guys for reading. I hope this helps others...