Looking for support -new here

[Joobie]

Greetings, it has been a long time since I used a Message board but I think now is the time.  I am attempting to end a 15-mo relationship with a borderline male.  I am feeling like I have lost my mind.  I know all the tricks he is using, the gaslighting, the projection, insults, charming, on and on.  I can see what he is doing, but I have so little self-respect that I can barely walk away or stop thinking about this man.  He has done so much to hurt me and my children, yet I still blame myself and think I must be the problem.  When he tells me I am crazy I think he must be right.  He will insult me and degrade me, and turn around in the same sentence and say how he has never loved anyone more than me.  My children beg me to never see him again, yet I dont have the guts to go no-contact.  I am an intelligent person, well-educated with a great career, but when it comes to standing up for myself I am a mess. 

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[AskingWhy]

Joobie, please keep in mind the actions of this person are not of your doing.

Going no-contact is very hard especially if one has been in a romantic relationship with a pwBPD.  

I am glad you see that you need to salvage your self-esteem.  pwBPD have a way of sucking us into their drama and  whittling us down.  It's easy to fall under their spell and, before you know what is happening, you are their partner in the drama.  I can personally say this is my experience with my partner.  There is a lot of shame in finally coming to terms with being abused by a pwBPD.  Your intelligence and education did not prepare you for this as you expected your partner to be as open and honest as you are.

As your children are also hurt by your partner's actions, you need to look to their well-being as well as your own.

Please find support here and read the articles on BPD and  other PDs.  You are not alone in this.

If going no-contact is what you need, you will find support here.