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Author Topic: Here again as BPD DD31 is having another baby  (Read 376 times)
qcarolr
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: Married to DH since 1976
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« on: November 18, 2017, 10:21:26 PM »

Hi - I have not posted since last December (2016) and was nudged by a caring member to show up. So here I am. Some things are the same, some are actually better, some things are more disturbing.

BPD DD31 is living in another state and having a baby next week. I am flying out there for a week. She is still very needy and the bf there with her (the baby's daddy) has lots of his own mental health and addiction issues. They are both avoiding misdemeanor warrants in my state by living out of state. I am really OK with this for now. We talk every day and she has moved away from blaming me for all that is wrong in her life. Even though she still struggles with all her issues - BPD, bipolar, general anxiety disorder, right-brain based learning disorder... .you get the picture... .she is finding courage to take care of what needs to be done each day. She is complex, like many of our kids.  The most excellent part is both she and bf have been clean of drugs since 3/1/17. That is about when DD got pregnant with her baby boy. He is due to be induced next Tuesday. This is also when they left the state. It has been an adventure.

Other good news is Dd finally got her SSI approved. She was 19 when she first applied. The benefits go back to the last application in 2012. I am her rep. payee so have lots of contact about the money. She has been very conscientious about how it is spent. I always said she needed to get off the street with  a place to live on her own to move forward in her life. The SSI has helped her pay for a place to live. Dh and I own a 2nd home property for her and bf. He is hoping to find work after the baby gets here and settled (little does he know!). This will be good for our financial health. Dh wants to partially retire next year. He is turning 67 next month. I am 62.

We have raised our gd12 from babyhood. I have posted a lot about the struggles with her relationship with her mom and with us.  Seems her anxiety issues, that we have been treating with meds. and therapy since she was very young, are being revved up. Some of this might be due to hormonal changes, some due to anxiety - 7th grade, mom living away, old grandparent guardians, genetic potentials being triggered. Her dad has mostly been in prison since she was a baby and she does not talk of him. I did notice she read some of his letters from years past that were saved on her bookshelf. Gd is very angry that her mom is thinking she can take care of this baby coming when she could not take care of her. She has extreme anger when this subject comes up. She cannot stand hearing a baby cry when we are out and about. She goes into what  I consider a panic attack state. She has also been sick with chronic GI stuff and missed most of the school year. This has all been wound up with her general anxiety disorder. She is seeing her therapist every 2 weeks and her psychiatrist once a month as we try new meds. for the anxiety. They do seem to be helping. I really noticed when the morning dose was forgotten and she was a wild thing breaking doors and throwing things trying to get her to go to school.

It is hard to accept this level of distress with gd. It is different and similar to her mom. She does not have the right-brain issues that her mom has, but maybe higher anxiety. I try not to compare them, but the thoughts just leak in.

I guess it is too much to tell all at once for all that has been going on this past year. I am worn a bit, but still hanging in there OK. Have a strong faith to hold onto and friends that care. DH is a very understanding, loving husband and I lean on him more than in the past. We have to be strong -- I have to ask for and accept help -- so hard to let go of neediness of thinking I can be in control of it all!

Stop by and say hello.
qcarolr
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The best criticism of the bad is the practice of the better. (Dom Helder)
Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders
mggt
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« Reply #1 on: November 19, 2017, 07:27:10 AM »

Oh my Q such alot has happened in the last year  So glad to hear that your d is sober . Another baby and a baby boy how nice .   Sorry to hear of your health issues and your gd anxiety must be so hard for her mom is having another baby Im sure much resentment on her part   .  Im glad you returned to board .  Was worried about you and family. One day at a time for all of us  .  Enjoy your time next week with new grandson  .   
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mggt
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« Reply #2 on: November 28, 2017, 08:49:42 AM »

Hello Q,  Wondering how your visit went with new gs and d... How is your gd handling the new baby and    feelings towards her mom?
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wendydarling
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« Reply #3 on: November 29, 2017, 09:16:49 PM »

Hi qcarolr 

So good to hear from you, I join mggt been thinking of you and how life is for you now. You may have taken a year out from posting, you are still here with us I read your posts on workshops and learn from you and I thank you for that.

Congratulations, I hope DD and baby are doing well. Such a difficult time for your GD your DD being out of state, are there plans for her to meet her brother, I ask as it was a healing moment for my god daughter. They have come far.

WDx

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Be kind, always and all ways ~ my BPD daughter
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