2 years since contact

[Imnotalone]

This is an incredibly interesting time for me ~

I felt like I have successfully detached, and I still do, for the feeling I have right now I recognized what’s happening but need to air it out and see if anyone has is experience something similar.

Leading up to this.
Her and I are both in our home town for the holidays, the night life we take part in we are both popular names amongst the crowd and frequent the same places we have never had a direct run in for 2 years and still
Haven’t!

But tonight I was with one of her friends and hearing her name had me thinking about her in a innocent (as far as no resentment totally would be able to contact her and kinda want to for multiple reasons) way but still sexually drawn to her.


This is a scattered thought process for multiple reasons but bare with me

Obviously people have been drawn to their ex’s but all the anger and pain is released I feel nothing about that now, the current feeling is like a want/addiction

I want to know what would happen if I establish dialogue. I know it would
Unravel a bunch of emotions on both ends and lead to us probably hooking up and from there we all know it only gets messier.

Tomorrow I’ll come formulate a better image but I needed to get this out now while I’m feeling this intense level of curiosity.

Have you experienced something like this? What would you do / what should we do. What’s concerning is I haven’t been on the site in over a year and my desires have alarmed me enough to scower the site and obvious enough to post!


Is this the BPD “Stockholm” syndrome? Effect or has enough time passed where we are matured enough to speak or hash out the mistakes we made?
The latter of those two I know what will happen if we speak and it’s so obvious it’s not at all the thing to do. I just would love input.

Thank you!

[itgetsbetter94]

 
I don't know you're story, but if she has BPD, it seems to me that after two years you forgot the excruciating pain that follows such breakups... .
And I have hard time understanding why you would want to remind yourself of if.
You're out now and free from the situation and lingering pain. Find yourself someone healthier. Don't take your good mood and state you're in for granted.  Relationships with them lead to inevitable harm.
I don't believe anyone is strong enough to be able to control r/s with people with BPD, to be above the situation, to detach themselves emotionally and only reap the good sides and benefits of dealing with them (like sex).
It's completely your call, but there are many beautiful, intelligent, funny women out there, why go for someone who was proved to be a trouble.

[Shedd]

I don't know you're story, but if she has BPD, it seems to me that after two years you forgot the excruciating pain that follows such breakups... .
And I have hard time understanding why you would want to remind yourself of if.
You're out now and free from the situation and lingering pain. Find yourself someone healthier. Don't take your good mood and state you're in for granted.  Relationships with them lead to inevitable harm.
I don't believe anyone is strong enough to be able to control r/s with people with BPD, to be above the situation, to detach themselves emotionally and only reap the good sides and benefits of dealing with them (like sex).
It's completely your call, but there are many beautiful, intelligent, funny women out there, why go for someone who was proved to be a trouble.

Wow, I really like this. 

I feel I'm over my ex too because I can check up on her FB page and not be emotionally effected, but still wonder what if I was still with her type things.   I just like to see she's doing all right by checking up on her even though we don't speak anymore.  I know I shouldn't care, but I can't help myself.

But this was rather insightful.  Very helpful.  Thank you.

[itgetsbetter94]

Awww, thank you, I'm glad someone finds my words helpful.  
I wish I was able to help myself more.

Everytime I get an urge to visit his fb profile or to see is our instagram account that he started still active, I go to BPD family instead.

[hope2727]

Everytime I get an urge to visit his fb profile

True for me too. 

Its like a person in recovery having a sponsor.

[itgetsbetter94]

I love that analogy! 

[Shedd]

Everytime I get an urge to visit his fb profile or to see is our instagram account that he started still active, I go to BPD family instead.

OHHH, that's more good advice.  

[Pretty Woman]

Hi There,
   There are times I feel as you do... .I miss the good times. As far, few and fleeting as they were we had some fun that I haven’t forgotten.

Still, I know what would happen if we re-engaged. My ex has specific patterns and I’ve watched exes come back into her life only to be cast off as soon as they weren’t needed... .by her.

As some posters mentioned here, it’s easy to forget the bad once you are removed from it a few years.  It’s concerning you feel an addictive pull. I think that’s a flag there are still unresolved feelings. 

Whatever choice you make, to re-engage or stay NC is up to you. There is no right or wrong answer here.

Just think on it a bit.  How would you handle it if she rebuffed you when approached? You state you are still physically attracted to her. What if she wants to “start over”? Do you think you’d consider a recycle?

[SuperJew82]

If you were a recovering crack addict who almost died a few times while trying to get clean... .and now you found yourself two years clean - would you think it would be a great idea to have just a little crack.

I mean it's just a little innocent crack-cocaine... .just a smidge? No harm could come from that right?

Just an itty bitty crack-rock could never hurt anything, you think? It would be fun.


NO.

[SuperJew82]

So here is a question I do ask myself:

We live in the same suburb.

What do I do if I run into her.

I haven't the foggiest.

My first idea would be to dodge her and make my way out of the place. She isn't the most situational aware so that is a good shot. 

It WILL happen eventually. I should have a little script in mind of what I need to say and do.

1. Sort of fake halfway smile - you know the "passing your coworker you don't know that well in the hallway kind of smile"
2. "I hope things are going well for you, well I'm running late to my work/appointment/event, it was nice seeing you"
3. Exodus.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Imnotalone,  Just because you have the urge to get in touch doesn't mean that you should act on it.  Presumably you are ignoring or minimizing the negative aspects of your r/s.  What was it that caused you to part ways?  That's what I think you should focus on before you reach out.

That both of you are popular in your town doesn't speak to what it's really like on the inside of a BPD r/s.  Those from your town who know your Ex don't really know her, in my view.

It's your call.

LuckyJim

[Shedd]

So here is a question I do ask myself:

We live in the same suburb.

What do I do if I run into her.

I haven't the foggiest.

My first idea would be to dodge her and make my way out of the place. She isn't the most situational aware so that is a good shot. 

It WILL happen eventually. I should have a little script in mind of what I need to say and do.

1. Sort of fake halfway smile - you know the "passing your coworker you don't know that well in the hallway kind of smile"
2. "I hope things are going well for you, well I'm running late to my work/appointment/event, it was nice seeing you"
3. Exodus.

I wouldn't say anything and keep walking.