Desperate for Help

[Depression = 72% of members]

I've been in an off and on relationship for almost 6-years with a man that has BPD. We have 2 children together and I have 2 children from a previous relationship. Every time we get back together it's that blissful honeymoon phase. Things started off on a cautious but amazing foot this time around. But here we are yet again dealing with yet another crisis.

I thought for sure that THIS time we could break the cycle. So much so, we finally got MARRIED! Not even 4mo after our vows and he has once again started splitting. Its lasted 2 weeks now, his verbal thrashes of rage have turned into 2 nights of him not coming home, not answering my calls and he has cleaned out our bank account. This is not the 1st time he has just up and left us without a dime.

My hugest fear aside from the bills and caring for my children now... .are how long it will last. It has always taken him MONTHS to come back around and I just don't have that sorta wait in me this time around. I'm tired, worn, drained and slowly slipping into my own depression.

I just need to know what NOT to do at this point to prevent it from getting worse. I want to avoid a permanent "break up" I have no desire to divorce my husband.

How can I get him to come back around? How can I keep him from making further reckless and damaging decisions that will impact our entire family for the rest of our lives?

HELP! I'm so lost and alone in this.

[Mama2Royalty]

I've been in an off and on relationship for almost 6-years with a man that has BPD. We have 2 children together and I have 2 children from a previous relationship. Every time we get back together it's that blissful honeymoon phase. Things started off on a cautious but amazing foot this time around. But here we are yet again dealing with yet another crisis.

I thought for sure that THIS time we could break the cycle. So much so, we finally got MARRIED! Not even 4mo after our vows and he has once again started splitting. Its lasted 2 weeks now, his verbal thrashes of rage have turned into 2 nights of him not coming home, not answering my calls and he has cleaned out our bank account. This is not the 1st time he has just up and left us without a dime.

My hugest fear aside from the bills and caring for my children now... .are how long it will last. It has always taken him MONTHS to come back around and I just don't have that sorta wait in me this time around. I'm tired, worn, drained and slowly slipping into my own depression.

I just need to know what NOT to do at this point to prevent it from getting worse. I want to avoid a permanent "break up" I have no desire to divorce my husband.

How can I get him to come back around? How can I keep him from making further reckless and damaging decisions that will impact our entire family for the rest of our lives?

HELP! I'm so lost and alone in this.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pearlsw]

Hi Mama2Royalty,

I am sorry to hear this! My h tried to divorce me just 2 weeks after signing marriage papers. Ouch!

You are not alone! We're here and can relate!

Have you had a chance to look here at the Relationship Tools and Skills Workshops?  https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=36.0

You might want to start with the Dos and Don'ts of BPD relationships. Early tools that helped me a lot were also learning not JADE (justify, argue, defend, explain) - boy does that cut down on arguments - just by not feeding into the mean stuff he'd throw at me.

Also, you should be sure and check out the Improving board as people often discuss their use of the tools mentioned on this site and what works or doesn't work.

wishing you the best!

[Tattered Heart]

HI Mama2Royalty,

I'm sorry that your H just disappeared on you. I can imagine how confusing and hurt you must be. Any updates? Have you heard from him?