Mom and brother have borderline personality traits

[TigetLion]

My brother is in his mid 50s and has lived with my parents for about a decade. He has a master's degree but refuses to work because he refuses to pay child support for his last child and doesn't want to have his wages garnished. He told his exwife he wants nothing to do with the child so he feels this absolves him of all responsibility. He doesn't own a car or pay rent to my parents. He collects welfare and food stamps even though he is very muscular and perfectly healthy.

He is my half brother. My dad adopted me when I was little and he and my mom had my little brother years later. They no longer treated me like a member of the family. As a little girl, I had to sit by myself in a corner opening my few presents, while mom and dad opened a wonderland of presents with my brothet under the tree. I realized very quickly that I no longer had a family.

Despite that, when I became sn adult, my Dad started telling me that I really was his daughter. He'd never paid for my college or given me a car, or given me all of the wonderful advantages my brother had. But when my dad died I still thought I'd be treated like his daughter but my brother made sure to diss me at the funeral in front of the congregation, as well as in the obituary. It was so humiliating! He did so many things that were rude. He hadn't allowed me to speak to either of my parents on the phone alone for years. He made sure it was always a conference call so he could be in control of the conversation. He has ordered me to not email my mother while she's at work but she emails me first. And speaking of mom, she's 80 years old and still working a fulltime job to support my brother! He says he's too busy to work. That's because this 54 year old man belongs to 5 choirs, some of which are college choirs! No, he isn't paid to be in them but has lots of rehearsals. If he spent all those rehearsal hours working an actual job my mother could retire! Anyway, I get very tired of his sly insults. He thinks I'm too stupid to notice how he's insulting me to others, but other people have told me that when he does talk about me he rolls his eyes and speaks disrespectfully.  And I'm the one with the job, the one with the great love of my life. We're getting married next June.  He's been married and divorced 3 times but he wants others to think I'M THE LOSER! LOL! At this point, I'm getting close to writing this relationship out of my life as everything has to be about him and he needs to control everyone around him. That he believes a lot of the things he tells people is very troubling. I've learned it's best to not initiate contact or to answer snide texts. He's 8 yeats younger thsn me but I feel like I'm dealing with a little boy who slways jas to have his way. He gets very angry when things aren't the way he wants them. And what he's always wished is to be an only child, to not share anyone or anything with his big sister. He once even told me I'm not his sister even though we share the same mother, just because we don't share the blood of the same father. Yet he has lived with me for months while I've supported him and he never paid one red cent for room and board or lifted a finger to clean the house. I've always treated him like my brother.  I'm just tired of this and very hurt from what he did at the funeral. He told the congregation my dad didn't want me to speak at the funeral, and he said it 5 times. He wanted everyone to know he is favored. In the obituary he listed himself as the eldest child. I'm 8 years older. How could I ever fight such behavior? It's best to just stay away from such a horrible person.

[Turkish]

I'm sorry that he shamed you publicly; that a inexcusable,  not to mention what went on for years behind closed doors. 

If you have a question,  is it whether or not to invite him to your wedding,  especially given that you may invite your mom?

[worn_out]

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! If possible, move away from your toxic family and start a new life. Or at least move to another part of town. Neither your mom or your brother will change, and as for your brother's laziness, it sounds like your mother is encouraging it in some way, maybe she likes having him dependent on her. In any case, you have a chance to free yourself from all of it create a family of choice. Good luck to you!