Hello

[Rein]

My sibling recently revealed her BPD diagnosis and I am starting to put 25 years worth of pieces together in this new context.  There is so much that fits now that wasnt explained by her previous diagnosis of clinical depression (which she still has).  I'm starting to peel back the layers of trauma, confusion, fear, anger, and guilt I've felt for a long, long time.  I love my sister and want her in my life, she is a good person at heart, but I need to protect myself from her.  It is a hard line to walk.

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi Rein, 

Glad to have you here on our board! Sounds like you are putting together a lot and connecting the dots to help you understand what is going on with your sibling. How do you feel about this recent discovery? Many here are relieved to find out that there is finally a chance to make sense of what they have instinctively known for a long time.

Yes, it is a tough road to walk when there is someone with BPD in our life. Have you read any books to help you sort through and deepen your understanding? My mom was an uBPD. I've found that T has helped me a lot. This board has also been a great life line to me. There is so much to read and learn here. Plus I find that as I post, it also helps with processing and gaining the wisdom of others.

 
Wools

[Rein]

Hi Wools.  Thank you!
I do feel relief.  Just knowing that my exoeriences are not as unique as they felt is helpful.
It is good to realize that my confusion was intentionally orchestrated by her illness.  I always was made to feel that it was me not doing right by her, even when it felt like a No win situation or that her expectations were so ridiculously high or hard to read that it just seemed manipulative, like a setup for me to fail at.  I've always felt that I can never do the right thing with her,  I'm either on her good side and she holds me in high regard, or I am the worst sister ever for something she contrived to be mortally offended by.  I've always known that if I didn't decipher her word game in time and defuse things when I could see them coming, that things would blow up in my face.  Sometimes things blew up with absolutely no warning.  Walking on eggshells is the most accurate description and it's a relief to know that is common among all of us.

Im reading a lot of posts here and realizing more and more the commonalities we all experience, and that makes me realize how much room there is for my personal healing, and for gaining a better understanding of my sister.