Hi Tonetta1995,
Hi Tonetta,
I can understand feeling angry at your ex because she’s in a r/s with someone else and you’re getting mixed messages. That’s pouring salt on your wounds.
A pwBPD behaviour is driven by the disorder and a criterion for BPD is the fear of abandonment. A pwBPD see hyper vigilant and are always scanning for queue that the person that they love is going to reject them - perceived or imagined. It’s a double edged sword, whatever intentions that you had in the r/s the fear of abandonment is self destructive in r/s’s.
I’m speculating, if it’s a new r/s, I don’t know your backstory she’s creating an exit strategy to avoid being abandoned. She acts out what she fears most - abandonment. My advice to you is to read about BPD, read whatever you can get your hands on, make sure that’s if from accredited sources. There’s a lot of internet lore and misinformation about BPD.
Becoming familiar with the disorder is going to help your healing, learn depersonalize the behaviours. I mentioned earlier that her actions are driven by the disorder. She’s entered on herself. Think about it this way, what if you were flooded abandonment anxiety and you were scared of being left alone and constantly thinking about it. You’re focused on your fears and not on your loved ones it’s going to damage relationships.
turns around and says I did it without her consent. Which is a lie. I broke contact to ask her what the please read she was playing at.
Don’t give her attention. Don’t break no contact, the sooner that you do this the faster that she’s going to turn her attention away from you. It’s hard to see right now but if you keep defending your boundaries she’ll stop harassing you.
