Has anyone had experience with son/daughter taking molly/MDMA?

[incadove]

One of my dd's has started taking 'molly'.  She says she feels it is therapeutic and helps her heal and process her painful emotions from the past.  (she did have trauma as a young child).  I am very worried about it and have researched all the negative effects, cognitive/memory, long term depression being the main ones.  People also report positive effects anecdotally.  I am and have always been against drug use because I think it distorts your perception of reality and changes one as a person.  But that's my own theory, I would really like to know if anyone has experience with taking this drug or their dd/ds taking it, what has happened and what effect it had. 

She is not now working or going to school.  My dd's either fortunately or unfortunately have independent source of income and so the money issues that so many have on this forum aren't an issue for them.  I often think it would be better if it wasn't there, but it is what it is.  So I don't have any financial or practical lever over her, only our relationship which she currently values.  She currently is acting very kind, is responsible in terms of paying back loans and showing up when she says and taking care of her animals, and responsive to communication.  But she says she is focused on exploring and healing herself and does not want to go to school right now.  I don't really know what to do, I am just trying to stay in close contact with her and let her know some of my fears and feelings about it. 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hi incadove

She is not now working or going to school.  My dd's either fortunately or unfortunately have independent source of income and so the money issues that so many have on this forum aren't an issue for them.  I often think it would be better if it wasn't there, but it is what it is.  So I don't have any financial or practical lever over her, only our relationship which she currently values.  She currently is acting very kind, is responsible in terms of paying back loans and showing up when she says and taking care of her animals, and responsive to communication.  But she says she is focused on exploring and healing herself and does not want to go to school right now.  I don't really know what to do, I am just trying to stay in close contact with her and let her know some of my fears and feelings about it.  

I'm so sorry to hear this incadove, I'd be worried too, what direction this is going in. While you may not have financial leverage, it appears to me you have the all important emotional leverage, she trusts you to share she is taking molly/MDMA, a starting point, you are her touch point, she's sharing, she says she is focused on exploring and healing herself and does not want to go to school right now is so powerful. Does it feel like she's opening an conversation with you? Where you can gently point her in direction of healthy ways to heal? Someone said here recently if we parents focus on introducing healthy behaviours (rather than focusing on the unhealthy that are such a worry to us) the healthy win, unhealthy behaviours work their way out. I see this in my DD's recovery. I'm reading Stronger than BPD, Debbie Corso, (DD bought it) a personal compassionate account recovering from BPD, sharing her learning, use of DBT skills, triumphs, challenges, providing understanding and hope to those who suffer a way forward. I relate, my DD chose the DBT staircase.

I have no experience to share with you re molly, what I can offer is my support in helping you work through. When your daughter says she exploring her healing, is she sharing with you what she's looking to heal, you mention trauma?

WDx

[Lady Itone]

I've done molly many times, and I've been around my BPD exgirlfriend while she's doing it.

Molly feels amazing. You're comfortable in your own skin, you can see the beauty in others, it takes away feelings of awkwardness and emptiness. In this way, yes, it can be therapeutic. It reminds one that there's this other way of feeling. I know when I do it, I really am trying to be life-affirming and positive. At times, it really has allowed me to feel connected and loved when I might not have otherwise. 

On the other hand, most "molly" these days is not pure MDMA it's mixed with all kinds of crack and coke and whatever else. We had an experience where someone sold us "molly" turned out be "bath salts" as far as we could tell--a much worse drug. And my comedowns from Molly are not pretty. I go from being ecstatic for two days to weeping for two days. It seems to stay in my body two days before I don't feel any effects anymore, but I'm a petite, middle-aged woman, and drugs affect me pretty hard. Someone else might feel it just a few hours. 

The difference between me doing it and my exgirlfriend doing it seems to be I get to a point where I'm done. I want to come down and sleep it off, I have work and pet care I can't neglect, etc... She never wants to come down. Once she did it nonstop it for a week straight, blew hundreds of dollars, ended up psychotic and I almost baker acted her. Molly combined with her impulsivity and the fact that it messed with her prescribe meds was no bueno.

Use of the drug itself is not necessarily a recipe for disaster. I've never known anyone to turn into a full-blown addict like I've seen with coke or heroin. Back when my friends and I we were "club kids" in the early 90's NYC, we did Ecstasy, a cousin of molly, like once a week for years. We all grew up pretty okay.

Hope that helps give you some perspective.   

[incadove]

Thanks so much for the replies wendydarling, Lady Itone

@Lady Itone do you know if your exgirlfriend was ok after the psychotic episode, or did it affect her permanently?

She usually does bring things up to me if they are risky so I can give her feedback, which is good, but because she doesn't live at home I only get to see her every so often.   I will try more to talk to her about other ways of healing, she tells me that therapists just tell her to do things that she already has tried or read about, that she doesn't get anything from them generally, but she is going to one for anxiety.  She had such a different experiences from me her first few years she doesn't feel like I really understand her.  Also tho our relationship is good right now I am afraid of destabilizing it with anything that sounds judgmental, we have had times of very low contact that I'm afraid to get back into.  I wasn't always a great parent either, I made a few key mistakes so her trust for me is only so-so.  I'm glad she is talking to me now, she does give me her trust to some extent, and we have always been honest with each other. 

Is there anything else healing other than therapy?  I'll order that book Stronger than BPD.

thanks so much

[Lady Itone]

@Lady Itone do you know if your exgirlfriend was ok after the psychotic episode, or did it affect her permanently?

I don't think it did permanent damage. She took her anti-psychotic meds and basically slept for a few days straight afterwards. Scared me way more than it scared her.

[incadove]

Thanks, that's really good to know.  Thanks a lot for taking the time to reply!

[Frankee]

Lady Itone is right.  There is dangerous mixtures out there that can be laced with other drugs.  However, "pure" molly I find is different.  I use to be the same way.  Anti drugs all the way.  It was only until I met my H and saw his usage.  When we first started dating, he would offer and I always declined because I was scared.  I had always heard the bad negative things.  I decided one day to do research on it.  I was surprised at the history.  It is actually worth looking up why it was made illegal.  It has to do with the timber industry and the Mexican Revolution.  I have tried it myself and ever since, I have agreed with the benefits for medical and recreational usage.  There has never been an marijuana overdose where as compared to "legal" pharmaceuticals that doctors sometimes seem to hand out like candy.

She says she feels it is therapeutic and helps her heal and process her painful emotions from the past.  (she did have trauma as a young child).  

People also report positive effects anecdotally.  I am and have always been against drug use because I think it distorts your perception of reality and changes one as a person. 

I do agree with her statement about processing emotions.  My H has medicinal marijuana.  I do sometimes worry about how much he smokes and his dependency on it.  Then when I stop to really look at the big picture, it lightens my worry.  He is fully functional, holds down a full time job, has less violent episodes, is able to handle stress better, is great with the kids, etc.  He does have his days though where it seems that even the medicine doesn't help.  So unregulated that all I can do is let him burn out his steam and come back down to earth.  He too has had serious trauma as a child and was even involved in a world full of criminals and people that tried to hurt him as he got older.

She currently is acting very kind, is responsible in terms of paying back loans and showing up when she says and taking care of her animals, and responsive to communication.  But she says she is focused on exploring and healing herself and does not want to go to school right now.  I don't really know what to do, I am just trying to stay in close contact with her and let her know some of my fears and feelings about it. 

I'm a little confused on the last paragraph.  It sounds like a lot of praise followed up with concern and upset because she is not going to school.  Do you feel she is putting off school or wasting her time?  It seems that she is being responsbile, punctual, trying to open communication, and taking care of things.  Also that she is working on healing herself.  Maybe she feels that at this moment, school isn't right for her.  Has she given mention that she plans on going back or do you think she is blowing it off completely?  Do you think that it might be more important to her that she finds what makes her happy than going to school, just to go?

[incadove]

Frankee thanks for your detailed reply

Yes, I have mixed feelings - she is an adult, and she is acting kind and thoughtfully which is how she is.  But as a young adult, I feel like you  have to learn from a real world and in the real world most people have to work to earn money, or do something productive. Also living without constraints just doesn't seem like it would teach you very much.  She has an independent source of income so she is growing up very differently than I did or anyone in my family. It also encourages the drug experimentation because she can have days just empty to recover from partying.  I guess at some gut level i think its not 'right' not to have to work or do something!  But more logically, I think you learn a lot and gain a lot of self esteem from setting goals and overcoming obstacles yourself, rather than having things handed to you, and learning to stick with things because you have to.  So I don't really think its best for her, honestly.  But she is an adult and its her choice, so I just talk to her a little bit about goals and things. 

I am glad to hear another person saying that molly if pure is not too harmful.  I thought that it had some cognitive and memory side effects and possibility of long term depression, from what I read, and I'd warned her about those things, but it sounds like in your experience it was pretty much a positive.  So that is really good to know.

Thanks for the questions and feedback!

[Frankee]

My pleasure   I agree with you on the working for what you want.  I didn't have a privileged upbringing, but I had a good childhood with parents that were very smart with their money.  We went on vacations, always had nice stuff.  Lived in a two story home with plenty of room and a big back yard.  The only difference is, that's my parent's money.  Not mine.  They do help me if I'm ever in dire straights, but I work hard for what I have.  They brought me up and taught me the value of saving, investing, working for what you want in life.  They didn't want to be taking care of two kids for their entire lives, they wanted to send us off in to the world and know we'd survive.

Hopefully this phase of her life won't last forever.  Maybe one day she will see that she can't keep going the way she is.  Sure it sounds like she is doing great right now, but what happens if that source of income dries up?  Or they cut her off?  I do agree it's important that everyone learns life skills in order to make it in this world.  There's no hand outs or freebies once you get out their on your own.

I think you are doing the right thing by provided the support and guidance that you can.  She can either accept it or blow it off.  If you keep that line of communication open, she may come to you for advice that she will actually take.

I hope the best of luck!