small claims court...is it worth it?

[starrynight2018]

My ex boyfriend w/BPD borrowed money from me towards the end of our relationship. It totaled to almost 2K. I loan him the money out of trust that he will repay me back. It's all verbal and I have no written contract from him. I wrote out 2 checks for him and that's the only proof I got. I know NC is the way to deal with him, but I just found out that he's been traveling to Central America with another woman and I'm upset.He supposedly doesn't have the money to pay me back, but he's got the money to travel? The question I'm seeking advice for is, is it worth it to take him to small claims court to get him to pay me back? Has anyone filed something like this in a small claims court and what is the outcome when it comes to lending someone money without any written contract? or should I just take it at a loss and move forward. It's been 5 weeks w/nc from him.

[crushedagain]

You have a right to be upset. Since it was in check form, I think you have a great chance at a judgment. I say go for it.

[WarOfRoses]

Hi

I have a lot of experience with this as I have disputed parking tickets and got all the way to court but they pulled out last minute. Each time I was upset as I really wanted to defend the claim!.

The reason the parking ticket companies take it all the way to even getting a court date is people get scared and pay the money. The reason they pay the money is because they don't want to incur the extra costs for legal advice etc. They usually have nothing to be afraid of but social conditioning has taught us to be afraid of the court system. Judges are usually very nice and understanding of somebody who doesn’t quite know what they are doing and they are very reasonable.
The thing with small claims court is you do not need solicitors acting for you. You can take legal advice externally. You both present the evidence and talk in the court room then the judge makes a decision. If you lose then you could potentially incur costs from the defendant.

Here is what I would do…

STAGE ONE
At first I would start to request the money from your ex-boyfriend. This will allow you to be up a case. Do not do this officially through solicitors letters but make sure it is worded in a way they you are asking for the money he lent you. If you already have this on text messages and emails then that is evidence alone. Tell him you LENT him the money in good faith and ask him to explain why he can not yet pay it back.

STAGE TWO
Give him reasonable chance to pay you back. Give him a time line to pay at least some of it back or pay you in instalments each month and come to an agreement. The reason for this is you want to display the fact that you was not aggressive in getting the money back and you have given a reasonable chance for this to be resolved outside of court. Judges to not like aggressive claimants who have not tried this first. (as a general rule).

STAGE THREE
When he still has not paid you are going to start to make things official. This is where you can send an email and letter explaining that he has made no effort to pay the money back and you are now going to have to consult a legal professional. Explain that this will incur costs which you will claim back should the matter go to a small claims court. Keep the letter stern and business like but do not be insulting or over aggressive. Keep emotions and threats out of this. At the same time you must have set dates for him to reply and start to pay back the money. Do not be flimsy and flamsy about all this at let him talk you into later later later etc…

STAGE FOUR.
At his stage you should get a letter drawn up by a solicitor (attorney for Americans) and sent to him officially to show you mean business. Your solicitor will know what to say. One of four things happen at this stage.
1.   He gets scared and pays up.
2.   He gets scared and offers to pay part of the money back or agrees to your conditions.
3.   He replies to the letter without paying (again this builds evidence) if he tries to call you tell him he must reply to you in writing.
4.   He ignores of letters.
I will remind you at this stage that if you start to argue and debate with him and start making this blurry and confused then this is a waste of time. You have now made it official so keep it that was and stick to the boundaries.

STAGE FIVE
He still hasn’t paid up so you now are going to take him to small claims court. At this stage you will make an application to the court as a claimant. The court will then send you ex-partner a letter/form informing him that you are claiming X amount against him and ask him what he would like to do. The amount you are claiming can include the loan, the legal advice/letter and interest incurred since lack of payment.
Your ex can do one of three things.
1.   Dispute the full amount of the claim
He now becomes a defendant of the claim and must enter a defence. They will then send you a copy of his defence and as if you would like to carry on with the claim. 
2.   Offer to pay part of the claim to end it. (this could at least get some of the money back so may be a good option)
3.   Mediate (this usually happens over the phone with a mediator.
At this stage it may have only cost you about £100 or $150 if in the U.S. but this should be enough to really scare him if he isn’t used to the legal system. Lot of people usually pay up at this stage.
IF he defends the claim then you can at least take a look at his defence and decide from there what you would like to do.

STAGE SIX
Go to court. This would mean he gets a letter from the court stating that it is now a fully defended claim. You will be asked to furnish him with a LBC (letter before court) with all the details. After that he will get a court date. Many of the parking ticket companies here in the UK take it all the way to court date stage as this is when the next lot of “non-payers” get scared and pay up.

STAGE SEVEN
You can either go to court or pull out at the last minute. You don’t need solicitors on the day just the two of you in the court room. You will build all the evidence and see what happens. Personally I feel it is worth the few hundred you will potentially lose just to have the experience but I assure you that you do not need a written contract for you to win this case.
Get it all they way to the court date and see if he gets scared enough to pay up at one of the above stages. IF not then it will at least scare him enough to get SOME of the money back for now.

If you would like help during this process feel free to PM me and I will help you along.
Just my way of giving back

[starrynight2018]

You have a right to be upset. Since it was in check form, I think you have a great chance at a judgment. I say go for it.

Thank you so much for the reply.

[starrynight2018]

Hi

I have a lot of experience with this as I have disputed parking tickets and got all the way to court but they pulled out last minute. Each time I was upset as I really wanted to defend the claim!.


If you would like help during this process feel free to PM me and I will help you along.
Just my way of giving back

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!  I sincerely appreciate it. I will PM you later on in the day.

[DogMan75]

I think going to court is a big mistake. Let it go. 2k is a small price to pay to be done with it. Besides, even if you go to court and win outright, you are likely to end up up with a payment plan of at most $100 a month for almost two years. That’s assuming you just seamlessly get perfect payments of $100, if you get $50 payments, it’s almost four years. Chalk it up to a lesson learned, walk away, and don’t look back.

When you end up in court, everybody’s already lost.

[starrynight2018]

I think going to court is a big mistake. Let it go. 2k is a small price to pay to be done with it. Besides, even if you go to court and win outright, you are likely to end up up with a payment plan of at most $100 a month for almost two years. That’s assuming you just seamlessly get perfect payments of $100, if you get $50 payments, it’s almost four years. Chalk it up to a lesson learned, walk away, and don’t look back.

When you end up in court, everybody’s already lost.

I have been playing this scenario over and over again in my head the past 24 hours and have been praying about it. I've been losing sleep the past 3 nights realizing that he's been seeing somebody else behind my back when we were still together. I have to take a deep look into my heart to why I want the money back when in the beginning I didn't want it back because I wanted a clean break. I don't know if I'm doing it out of spite or some mean little revengeful scheme?  I started looking up his current address just in case he didn't respond to my email I thought I might have to send him a letter, but its not showing up anywhere. He obviously doesn't want me to know where he lives.  Maybe you're right... .I should just make it a clean break.

[Feeling Better]

Hi riverwest

I have had to take people to court in the past due to my line of work, it’s quite straightforward but even if you win that’s no guarantee that you will get your money back.

The problem you have is that you say it was all verbal which brings it down to your word against his, and he could say he thought it was a gift.

I think you need something in writing from him whereby he acknowledges that what you gave him was a loan. You could then use that if you decide to pursue a claim, but if you could agree something with him without all of that, I would have thought that would be preferable to court action.

[starrynight2018]

Hi riverwest

I have had to take people to court in the past due to my line of work, it’s quite straightforward but even if you win that’s no guarantee that you will get your money back.

The problem you have is that you say it was all verbal which brings it down to your word against his, and he could say he thought it was a gift.

I think you need something in writing from him whereby he acknowledges that what you gave him was a loan. You could then use that if you decide to pursue a claim, but if you could agree something with him without all of that, I would have thought that would be preferable to court action.

Thank you. I sent him the email yesterday and made it clear that it was a loan and if he responds great and if he doesn't, then that's fine. The ball is at his court now. I did what I did out of spite... .and if I had a cooler head on my shoulders and give it another 24 hour I'm sure I wouldn't have send it. I guess it's part of the healing process... .guilt, shame, sadness, anger, bitterness... .I was at the bitter stage of recovery.

[DogMan75]

Letting go is so hard, but honestly? That feeling of relief when you’ve finally, truly let something go that’s been weighing you down? That’s one of the best feelings around.

I’m trying to make this a productive experience. If it’s going to be this painful, we should at least get something out it (sounds like going the gym). I’m trying to be the best person I can through all this. I find myself asking, “What move would I be most proud of when I look back on this?” “What would the bigger person do?” Then, when I do it, the looking back is immediate -I can instantly feel proud of myself. It’s a great little emotional boost, in a time in my life where I could really use one -and it improves my character.

Your particular problem here also strikes close to my heart. I am now doing a payment plan as codefendants with my BPDex, through small clams court, for the next six years. Not to bore you with the details, but we honestly got a raw deal and these plaintiffs should never have received a judgement in their favor, but one little bit of schadenfreude I indulge in is watching how frustrated and powerless the “winners” are now. There are no winners in that courtroom.

It’s like my mantra right now, but “Let go or be dragged.”

[hope2727]

Only you can decide what is right for you. I understand the desire for accountability and consequences. However at some point you have to place a dollar value on your piece of mind. I let $80 000.00 go with mine. I just couldn't deal with the conflict anymore. I even had a court judgement but it wasn't worth the years it was taking off my life. So weigh the options and then act. Whatever you do in 20 years it will not matter that much to you anymore anyway.

[starrynight2018]

I find myself asking, “What move would I be most proud of when I look back on this?” “What would the bigger person do?” Then, when I do it, the looking back is immediate -I can instantly feel proud of myself. It’s a great little emotional boost, in a time in my life where I could really use one -and it improves my character.

Dogman,

I'm really sorry to hear about your small claims court situation. I'm sure it wasn't easy to hear that you'll be "involved" with your ex for the next 6 years because of it. You're right... .the letting go part is hard and I do want to be the best person I can be. I know where I want to be but it's "the getting there" part that is a struggle. I don't want to drag this on any longer than it needed to be... .I need to close the book on this horrific chapter of my life and move forward. I'm just so tired of the anxiety and panic attacks I get in the middle of the night... .for the first time in months I am putting the focus on my health and did some yoga today.

I am forever grateful for this forum. As much as I love talking to my friends about my thoughts, at some point I just want to hear it from people who have been through this so I can feel like I'm not alone so thank you for taking the time to respond.

[starrynight2018]

Hope,

I'm really sorry to hear about your situation... .that is a lot compared to mine... .and you're right, my piece of mind is worth more than that. I did send the email in the midst of my anger and bitterness, but unless he responds, I don't want to push the issue anymore now that my head is clearer.