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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: Passing on the love  (Read 559 times)
Enabler
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Living apart
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« on: December 05, 2017, 07:24:37 AM »
So I just had a very serial experience. I went to meet a broker to talk about work stuff, I had never met this man before, and I end up not talking about work at all... .in fact I spent 2 hours with a guy on the emotional edge. He cried and I was happy for him to let it out. I utterly empathised with him, his pain and his burdens. I used my own experience of depression and being in the hole to conceptualize, describe and ultimately show this man that I knew his pain and anxiety in a very real way.

His story was not BPD related I don't think although clearly related to some very deep rooted guilts and shame he has coming from his FOO. He was able to share these feelings with me and I was able to tell him in no uncertain terms that these things were not his fault. I used the work I had done on myself and learning around emotions surrounding BPD and emotional dysregulation to visualize what was happening with him. BPD is an exaggeration of natural reactions, emotional extremes can lead to narcissism and rage in all of us if allowed to go unchecked.

The skills we learn here are not just for our SO's or friends, they are valuable community skills that can deeply impact the lives of the people we interact with on a daily basis. Our abilities to touch people, show deep empathy regarding a whole swathe of disorders and life crisis's is epic. We are the mental version of CPR and can touch those individuals just enough to bring them back from the edge enough to seek help and explore new ways. This was a well dressed man with a successful career, wonderful family yet he harbored deep pain. I felt truly privileged to be able to help him and will continue to support him in the coming weeks and months.

It's good to pass on the love    
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Seenowayout
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« Reply #1 on: December 14, 2017, 12:20:40 AM »
Wonderful
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gotbushels
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« Reply #2 on: December 19, 2017, 10:58:17 PM »
Hi Enabler  

Quote from: Enabler on December 05, 2017, 07:24:37 AM
The skills we learn here are not just for our SO's or friends, they are valuable community skills that can deeply impact the lives of the people we interact with on a daily basis.
Yes. I think this is a good point. I encourage you to experience greater intimacy with people.

Quote from: Enabler on December 05, 2017, 07:24:37 AM
I went to meet a broker to talk about work stuff, I had never met this man before, and I end up not talking about work at all... .in fact I spent 2 hours with a guy on the emotional edge.

... .

 I felt truly privileged to be able to help him and will continue to support him in the coming weeks and months.
This seems like quite a fast difference in relationships. What will he be doing for you?  Smiling (click to insert in post)
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Enabler
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« Reply #3 on: December 20, 2017, 12:19:24 AM »
hey gotbushels, could you clarify what you meant by the last comment please. I guess it could be interpreted in a number of ways.
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gotbushels
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« Reply #4 on: December 20, 2017, 08:35:44 AM »
Sure--nothing ominous; I meant what work will he be doing for you?
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Enabler
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« Reply #5 on: December 20, 2017, 09:17:04 AM »
Options broker, I am the client. His tears will not be swaying my business decisions and frankly he'd have to be a pretty sick man to try that angle. I believe the man has spent many months if not years maintaining a balance on a knife edge and I knocked him off his balance actually asking and listening to him, sensing he was actually in need of an empathetic ear.
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« Reply #6 on: December 20, 2017, 09:41:21 AM »
It is a gift to listen to another human being with empathy.  He is fortunate that you were there.
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heartandwhole
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« Reply #7 on: December 27, 2017, 09:20:46 AM »
Hi Enabler,

What an uplifting post! Thank you for sharing the love—with him and with us. 

Quote from: Enabler on December 05, 2017, 07:24:37 AM

The skills we learn here are not just for our SO's or friends, they are valuable community skills that can deeply impact the lives of the people we interact with on a daily basis.

Right on, Enabler. This has been my experience as well. 

heartandwhole
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When the pain of love increases your joy, roses and lilies fill the garden of your soul.
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