Husband diagnosed BPD and is seeking DBT - should he tell his family?

[heart3]

My husband just was diagnosed with BPD, classic adhd, limbic adhd, ocd, and skin picking. He says he is going to seek dbt therapy. But doesn't always follow through with what he says. His image is his most important worry. Should his parents be told and family members? They knew of his attempt suicide at 16 but he is now 47. He hid his debt and other things from them. Not sure to tell them because of the support he might need from them or would that hurt him?

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PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Radcliff]

Hello heart3, welcome to the boards!  You've found a good community.  If you become a regular on the boards, you can get some great support here.  You can also find a lot of great learning resources on this site, starting with the links on the right sidebar.  If there are particular aspects of coping with BPD that you'd like help with, let us know.

To your question about letting his family know... .folks with BPD feel shame intensely, and families of origin can be complicated.  Unless you have a clear sense that they would be helpful, and he would receive that help gladly, it may be best to hold off for now.  The most important thing is for him to follow through and begin DBT.  If he needs more support than you can provide later, cross that bridge when you come to it.

Are there local DBT programs in your area?

WW

[Tattered Heart]

Hi heart3,

I'm sorry to hear that things have been so hard for you lately. Getting a new diagnosis for BPD can be stress inducing for the pwBPD. How is he handling it?

I would like to second what Wentworth said in that telling others about the BPD diagnosis can often produce shame and embarrassment, especially when the public persona is important to them. What is his relationship with his parents like? Does he need them to help with the debt?