struggling bc its a holiday we would have shared today...

[truthbeknown]

Hi All,

I just needed to come here and get some thoughts out of my head.  

First, it's a jewish holiday today and i am feeling emotional about it because my ex is off the radar. I know she is seeing someone else so I would feel weird about reaching out.  I also know that she must have painted me black with her sister and a few other friends because they are no longer following me on fb.  I know that sounds trivial but i was hoping that she would just let me go without demonizing me.  I guess it's not possible for them?  

Right now i am thinking that i might have to start writing romance novels if i want to have happy endings in romantic relationships.  I know i can't have a happy ending with her but I had a dream about one and thought i would write it down and share it.  

Also if i did send her a text and she did respond it would be brief because she is controlling and i would feel empty because there is no true emotion on her part (otherwise she would not be dating other guys right now).  

i recently went to a holiday play called "the family fruitcake" and the aunt in the family was just like my ex.  In fact the little girl (niece) said to her, "Aunt Karinn drives all the men away because she is afraid of commitment."  And yet the family just accepted this about her.  I think in some way i could accept that but in this case if she is demonizing me (not positive but probable) her family just gives her alot of sympathy and she feeds on that.   Anyway, the next day i picked up a book at work called "practical magic" and in that story one of the sisters admits that she is afraid to get close to the new love because he surely will know how evil she is.  She believes she is poison so vows never to get married again.  Again, i could imagine my ex feeling this way about herself even though she won't admit it to anyone.  Reading the character in the story admitting this helped me to realize how my ex could be fighting that private war in her head as well.  The only difference is in both stories the character finally overcomes their negativity and accepts love.   Yes i cried and wished that could have been me.  I also wondered why G-D or the universe is torturing me like this.  I keep getting these messages and while enlightening its emotionally painful to know that my ex partner is not there (transforming).  Of course with the Aunt there was a long line of men before she finally "got it" and since i was the first after her divorce she probably will have to go through a bunch of relationships before she realizes it is her (and that's only if she finally wants to change that streak).  But right now i'm just sad that she had to deamonize me to move on instead of just saying "he moved away so we couldn't be in a relationship together".

let me know if you want me to post my dream that i had about 3 weeks ago that i wrote about. I made up fictitious names to protect the guilty.

Happy Chanukah to anyone on here that might celebrate?  I will be spending time with my kids tonight so that will help.

[Mutt]

Hi truthbeknown,



Happy Chanukah. Holidays, birthdays, anniversaries the first year without our exes can make you feel sad and lonely. I know that it probably doesn’t help you right now but after you pass through all of the holidays it gets better. You had the right idea, come here write it down and share with us. It helps to talk.

But right now i'm just sad that she had to deamonize me to move on instead of just saying "he moved away so we couldn't be in a relationship together".

I know that it’s heartbreaking when someone that you cared deeply about demonizes you in the end. A pwBPD split people black that they care the most about.

Many of us here have had to give ourselves closure. We become a source of pain for our exes because it’s a reminder of the dysfunctional r/s and of all the failed r/s’. It’s too hard for a pwBPD to bare so they turn to dysfunctional coping mechanisms. Dysfunctional coping mechanisms may give your ex temporary relief but it becomes uninhibited grief, the grief that she can’t process will manifest itself through anger and acting out.

There is wisdom with the Aunt’s family, family is usually loyal, they live her unconditionally but some members of the family may of accepted the fact that she is who she is. Maybe they’ve come to terms with letting of trying to change someone and accepting them for who they are.

[truthbeknown]

Mutt,

I had taken a break from the forum for awhile because it was too painful to keep hearing all the stories.  However, thanks for the holiday wishes and happy new year.

I am mostly doing okay but there isn't a day that i don't think of her.  I have an overall better attitude about things for example today I spoke with a man who divorced his first wife and found out later she was bi-polar.  He was glad he pulled out of that one.  I am trying to look at it as well.  If I had stayed things would have been alot worse or potentially worse for me.  Now she is someone elses problem.  Sad but true.