Sister with BPD

[Merry18]

Hi,

I was recently told by a therapist that my sister likely suffers from BPD.  She is in her mid thirties and this is the first time anyone has ever mentioned BPD to us. For almost 20 years we have struggled to understand why she has failed to thrive in life. She has missed most of life's major milestones - she is still living at home with my mother, has never had a proper job, never finished a degree at university, never had a boyfriend and has always found it hard to maintain friendships. Based on what I have now read online about BPD, she has so many of the symptoms that I find it incredible that no one has ever mentioned BPD before.  Perhaps because we live in a small community without the breadth of expertise available locally.  I am now relieved to have some kind of diagnosis to cling to and delighted to know that there is a community of people who also have family members with this particular disorder.  I figured we couldn't be the only ones in the world with a loved one with these struggles but without knowing what was wrong, we have been alone, essentially groping about in the dark.  I literally cried my eyes out reading about the impact of BPD on families because it is exactly how I feel but have never had it articulated or acknowledged.  I feel like I have so much to learn about this disorder and how best to interact and communicate with my sister.     

[HappyChappy]

Hey Merry18,

Knowledge is power, welcome to the forum. It must be quiet a relief for you.  You mentioned the effects this has had on your family as a whole, don’t forget about the effects this has had on you. Part of the value of the knowledge is how this can help you, as well as your wider family. I was older than your sister when I twigged, so don't worry about coming late to the party. It is relatively  recently that BPD has worked it's way into my countries consciousness. But the main thing is this forum is very aware and empathetic to it all.

Feel free to ask questions, or relate memories or garner advice on how to deal with tricky situations such as family gatherings. Get your questions in early before the Christmas rush.     One thing I found, was as odd as some of the behaviour my NPD and BPD displayed, someone on this forum would go “Yes I know”. My BPD would spit at me, and to my surprise it appears there is a lot of experience of spitters on here.  Lol.  So what area do you want to explore first ?
  

[Panda39]

Hi Merry18,

I want to add my welcome to HappyChappy's

I'm on these boards because my significant other (SO) has an undiagonosed BPD ex-wife (uBPDxw) I agree it is a relief to know there is a name for all of the crazy-making behaviors.  I wanted to suggest doing some reading on the subject.  When I first found out about BPD I hit the library with a vengeance.

Below are two books on BPD in general that I found particularly good... .

Overcoming Borderline Personality Disorder: A Family Guide for Healing and Change by Valerie Porr

and

Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder by Paul Mason MS & Randi Kreger 

While I'm being the resource Panda please check out the box to the right --> each item is a link to further information, just pick something that resonates and it will take you to more information.

When you have time we would be interested in hearing more of your story 

Glad you have joined us 
Panda39