Hi Hellofrendo,
I want to join
Turkish and welcome you to the BPD Family
It's left me with an inability to handle being around anyone with big emotions, but at the same time I don't know what is realistic (emotionally) and what is "big emotions but normal." Let's say BPD emotions are a 10 on 1-10 scale. I have no idea what a healthy person sharing / having feelings looks like / what number they would be on that scale.
I can understand your struggle with big emotions, it's what you learned... .it's what you know and it's stressful and probably triggering for you. In terms of an emotional scale, I think everyone depending on the situation are going to move up and down that scale (your child has a skiing accident the emotions will be up the scale but your ice cream falls off the cone will be down at the other end), but yes someone with BPD/BPD Traits is probably going to live at the upper end... .everything being dramatic. My SO's daughter has commented on how relaxed her dad is around me and how calm I am and I am compared to her uBPDmom. I probably live in the lower to middle rage of an emotional scale.
You clearly recognize the upper end... .the dramatic end of the scale and it makes you uncomfortable (quite frankly I think this is a healthy response) so maybe start there. Look for people in your life that you find don't go to the place that makes you uncomfortable. By avoiding that end of the spectrum you move yourself to spending more time with people closer to the middle. Experience that for a while and then adjust accordingly.
If you are like me you will probably have people in your life with varying emotional energy, I have friends that can get a little manic so I limit my time there (they can wear me out), and I have friends down at the other end that are really mellow, and more in between. Monitor yourself, how do you feel when you are with certain people? Is it tiring a bit draining? Is it exciting or fun? Is it relaxing and easy going? Does that person match your own energy level. Be aware of how people make
you feel.
My father kidnapped and brainwashed my siblings and myself when I was 8 years old and my covert narc. mother never came to get us, but continually sued my father for child support and referred to my kidnapping as "when you kids left." She died this year and my siblings are all NC with me.
I'm so sorry you experienced this, that your parents put you kids in the middle, and used you as weapons against each other. This must have been very hard for all of you and clearly has had consequences in your family relationships. I am so glad that you are in recovery and taking care of you.
I'm glad you've decided to join our members, I have found the folks here really helpful in my own journey to learn about BPD and how to negotiate my SO's uBPDxw.
I wanted to point out the box to the right --> each item is a link to further information. If a topic resonates with you click on it and see where it takes you.
Take Care,
Panda39
