Wools,
Thank you for asking those questions because they helped me clarify the last 20-25 years with my mom, which might explain the behaviors I am noticing.
She has never thought of me as competent and grown, even though she and my father both neglected my brother and me. When my spouse first met my late grandmother, she told him that I raised myself because "his parents were too wrapped up in themselves to notice him and his brother." Family members would often pay our bills and buy us Christmas presents, which I only discovered now. Her brother admitted to me over Thanksgiving that had it been now, Children and Family Services would have been called. He said that his wife used to leave my house after delivering the present with tears in her eyes because of how things were.
My mom is the classic BPD type to project her own stuff on to me--so she calls me lazy/stupid/I'm to blame for everything because her father told her that's what she was. She treats me like I am a child because she, in fact, parentified me in many, many ways. It's always about her.
Her acting "close" to me now is more about her needing me. She is alone. She cannot "date" the men (I'm not sure how healthy these relationships were) she once could. I made it known 25 years ago that I was going to live my own life with boundaries. So this is her way of re-writing history to bring me back.
My mother is not that high-functioning, though, and it is obvious to most folks that she doesn't really like people, has a rather large sense of entitlement, doesn't know how to talk with other people other than berating them or talking about herself. She can sometimes ask about other people but it doesn't last long. My parents throughout my childhood had a series of friendships that lasted months and then they would suddenly end. I never knew why until I realized they both had BPD. Now I get it.
Thanks for listening. I always knew how messed up things were but now I understand why. I think that BPD actually ran in my mother's family. My parents should never have been able to adopt my brother and me but they did. Thank goodness the system has changed.
Welcome
CMD1969!
I'm certainly glad you joined our online family.
This is a safe place to be with others who understand-as I'm sure you've discovered. What have you found most helpful so far?
I have some thoughts about what you shared, along with some questions too. One of the first things I wondered is if there is any chance of dementia or not? If it has been for the past 20 years or so that you've witnessed this, then perhaps not.
How often I felt like my uBPDm never really perceived me as grown up, even when I had children of my own. That was frustrating to me. I recall hearing her say, "I'll always be your mom!" in that angry tone of voice indicating she expected me to still obey her even when I was in my 40s. Do you feel that way too sometimes? Is it possible that she doesn't want or see you as grown up?
Those with BPD tend to lack emotional maturity. They seem to be in a place of immaturity in so many of the behaviors that they show others. Here is a link with some other thoughts for you.
Why Do pwBPD sometimes speak with a childlike voice?I'll be curious as to your thoughts. There are a lot of possibilities!
Wools
