New and looking for support from parents of suicidal BPD children

[Almost Lisa]

Hi, I'm new here today.  Our daughter has been diagnosed with BPD and is the type that turns it all inward, cutting herself and deciding to kill herself frequently to escape her problems.  She has a crisis about once a month and even though she is 20, is like a 12 year old still and has a lot of trouble coping with a job, handling money and real life problems.  She has been hospitalized more times than I can even count.  We are trying to be supportive but at the same time insist that if she wants independence, she has to be prepared to pay her rent and bills and work for a living.  We are not willing to support her financially any longer.  She has proven a hundred fold that she is quite willing to waste our money.  She has run up thousands of dollars in credit card debt and has no willpower when it comes to spending. She is also incredibly needy, just a bottomless pit of need for attention, help, money, love, etc.  No amount is ever enough.  We've been taking her to treatment since she was 13, and none of it has helped.  We are at our wits end.  I saw this site in the Walking on Eggshells book and decided to come here and see if there were others who were experiencing something similar.  If so I would be very interested in hearing your story and what you have done.   

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[catshe]

Unfortunately I don't have any suggestions for you, but certainly understand what you are going through. My 15 yr old consistently threatens suicide, has created alot of damage in our home, recently smashed my windshield, and has stolen money from us and racked up alot of bills. I too am new to this forum, thanks to Walking on Eggshells book and am looking forward to sharing experiences and learning from you too.

[1hope]

Hi Lisa,
We are in a similar situation.  Our DD will turn 19 this month.  In September she suddenly moved out (after being hospitalized twice in August for being suicidal).  We thought she must have somehow figured out government funding to help her pay rent.  She didn't.  She had a job, but was also going to school to finish up a high school credit, so she wasn't working full time. 
In October she attempted suicide again.  She told her roommates not to tell us, but they did.  It turned out she had not paid her rent, internet or phone bills.  She had absolutely no money in the bank (we figured out that she blew through about $1200).  When she gets in over her head, she is unable to see a way out.  Her former therapist called it a "digout".  She looks to outside solutions, as she never sees that her behaviour is the problem.  We had some of her money set aside (from when she was still at home, and we required her to put aside half of her paycheque).  We gave that to her to pay her rent.  We came up with an arrangement to help her get back on her feet. We would pay half of rent, and take her grocery shopping each week until she stabilized. 
Fast forward to now... .she quit her job for a door to door sales job... .only lasted a week.  Now has no job.  Her Christmas present included January's rent.  (We don't think she was impressed, but that's reality.) 
I wish I had some advice for you, but I don't.  Just know that all of us on here are struggling like you are.  We are doing the best we can for our kids.  We all feel that we haven't done enough, or we've enabled, or we're lost... .but keep talking.   It helps.
This month we have to tell our daughter that she needs to come up with a solution to her rent problem.  She needs to find a job or apply for social assistance.  It is best for all of us if she doesn't move home.  We have a son that is affected by her suicidal behaviours.  He needs to feel that his home is a safe place too. 
Hang in there,
1hope