Intro

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hi there,
I have been married to my significant other for the past 8 years who I believe has BPD. We have a 4 year old child together. I filed for divorce in July 2017 but the legal process is extremely slow. My significant other’s parents have moved into our marital home and it’s a very unsettling atmosphere. My soon to be ex is sending nasty emails with false accusations and my fear is she’s trying to push me out of the house so she gets an upper hand in physical custody of our child. I need some legal advise from this group as well as emotional support from people who have already been through this.

Thanks

[Nickny]

Hi there,
I have been married to my significant other for the past 8 years who I believe has BPD. We have a 4 year old child together. I filed for divorce in July 2017 but the legal process is extremely slow. My significant other’s parents have moved into our marital home and it’s a very unsettling atmosphere. My soon to be ex is sending nasty emails with false accusations and my fear is she’s trying to push me out of the house so she gets an upper hand in physical custody of our child. I need some legal advise from this group as well as emotional support from people who have already been through this.

Thanks

[livednlearned]

Oh wow 

You are all living together in the same home? I'm glad you found the site. These divorces are hard enough without inlaws living under the same roof.

Do you suspect your ex's parents may have some BPD pathology of their own?

What stage of the custody process are you at, and what are your thoughts thus far about your lawyer?

If you haven't read it already, William (Bill) Eddy's book Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing a BPD/NPD Spouse is a must-read.

Has your ex made any false allegations so far? What is your relationship like with your child?

Apologies for pelting you with so many questions 

LnL

[ForeverDad]

When did your in-laws move in?  If they moved in after your filing then they ought to have much less standing.  Why did they move in?  Beware that they may claim they're there to 'protect' their daughter and grandchild.  If any allegations are made you can probably be sure they won't side with you.

Who owns the house?  Who is on the mortgage?  Technically the in-laws are not a part of the marriage and thus should not have status in a divorce.  A local lawyer can tell you what your legal options are.  In fact, it is good to get multiple consultations so you can consider the possibly different strategies and approaches the different lawyers might have.  Arming yourself with information is good.  You'll need more than a typical form filer and hand holder who is accustomed to quick settlements.  You'll need an experienced, problem solving, assertive, proactive lawyer.

We recommend an excellent but inexpensive handbook from William Eddy and Randi Kreger:
Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder