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Author Topic: posted pic of her new love interest with our son on FB  (Read 335 times)
writeaway

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What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 14


« on: December 24, 2017, 10:34:06 AM »

My wife and I have been separated since early November, but unfortunately still living in the same house until we can work out logistics of finances and until we meet with a mediator and work out custody of our 5yo son. She has a new " best friend" whom she has revealed she has feelings for, and probably has since before we officially separated, though she claims nothing has happened between them yet. I know she wouldn't have approached me for a separation if she didn't have this person to fill that need for her, since she can't be alone. I've basically gotten over the fact that she moved on so quickly from me, but I've been struggling for a few weeks, since she took our son out with the two of them for a few hours and our son came home drawing stick figures of this new "friend," and making comments about inviting this friend to spend the night. Of course, our son doesn't understand... .doesn't even know yet that we are getting a divorce. But clearly he has started to form a bond with this new friend, who also bought him an expensive ($90) gift recently.

After that, I told my ex that I thought it was too soon to be introducing this special someone into our son's life, when clearly there's more than just friendship going on between them, whether or not they have acted on it. It is confusing for him, and really hard for me to hide my emotions and pretend like nothing is wrong when he talks about my ex's new "friend" all the time. We had a huge argument but eventually my ex gave in.

Fast forward three weeks. Last night my ex reactivated her Facebook account after having taken a hiatus for a few months, and we were still friends on Facebook. She changed her profile and cover photo to take out family photos of all of us together, which is fine. But her new cover photo includes a photo collage with a picture of our son sitting on this new friend's lap, grinning away. She KNEW this would hurt me, to throw it in my face like that only 8 weeks after our separation and while we're still in the same house, before we've even told our son that we're divorcing, and she did it anyway. To be honest, I would rather see a photo of my ex sitting on this friend's lap, than our son. Then she acts like she can't understand why I am upset, this friend is now a part of her life and our son's life and isn't going away, supposedly it wasn't done deliberately or to spite me, and she can't be responsible for my feelings. I accused her of being insensitive and using our son as an emotional weapon, and she's just like "I deserve to be happy, and they make me happy. I haven't been happy in a long time. I can't take the blame for your feelings about this."

I just can't believe she would do something so insensitive and hurtful, on Christmas eve, no less. Now I have to pretend like I don't feel like crying and strangling her whenever we're in the same room, and put on a brave face in front of our son and her family. Obviously, it's going to be hard to see a new person in my son's life, no matter what. But the speed with which she is putting them together is really selfish, and insensitive both to me and to him. I just don't even know how to deal with this right now. I think she knows that our son is the one button of mine that is left to push in this whole mess, the one thing that will get me upset, because I've already pretty much let go of any loving, tender feelings for her, and even jealousy when it comes to her feelings for someone else. But I'm struggling with jealousy over someone else being introduced into our son's life, and I also feel it is irresponsible and not in his best interest to do it so soon in the separation, and she knows it bothers me, and so she's doing everything she can to make me feel like the bad guy and like I'm the irrational, unreasonable one. And she's acting all high and mighty. Actual words from her: "be f*cking pissed. Throw it at me like stones. I'm stronger now than I've ever been before. There is no emotional weapons. My heart is pure and good. That picture makes me happy. If you're concerned about my happiness, you wouldn't be acting like this." When she's the one who clearly doesn't give a sh*t about anyone but herself.

Sorry about venting, but I don't have anyone else to talk to about this. I haven't told anyone in my family about this "new friend" yet. Because idiot like I am, I've been protecting her and not wanting them to view her as the bad guy. And I can't call them now and vent about it, because it's Christmas eve and they're all doing festive fun things (they are halfway across the country, I'm not visiting them until New Year's). I don't have another appointment with my therapist until the second week of January. This just really sucks so much, and I'm barely hanging on. I'm going to have to get through the next couple days for my son's sake, but I'm not sure how I'm going to manage that with her around.
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Bo123
Formerly "envision"
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 137


« Reply #1 on: December 24, 2017, 07:24:08 PM »

Ouch!  I don't have kids nor seen a pic of my ex's new bf but I can literally feel your pain.  From my experience, after a break-up with a BPD, its the wild west, there are no rules or boundaries, they act only in their own self interest at anyone's expense, especially the ex's and find another guy quicker than lightning.  The pic of your boy is I don't think so much a jab at you but the new her.  To her, you are "What was your name again", seems a trend with BPD's.  They will outgun us every time in a break-up.  Xmas is going to suck for a lot of us.
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TurbanCowboy
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 92


« Reply #2 on: December 24, 2017, 09:50:19 PM »

My wife and I have been separated since early November, but unfortunately still living in the same house until we can work out logistics of finances and until we meet with a mediator and work out custody of our 5yo son. She has a new " best friend" whom she has revealed she has feelings for, and probably has since before we officially separated, though she claims nothing has happened between them yet. I know she wouldn't have approached me for a separation if she didn't have this person to fill that need for her, since she can't be alone. I've basically gotten over the fact that she moved on so quickly from me, but I've been struggling for a few weeks, since she took our son out with the two of them for a few hours and our son came home drawing stick figures of this new "friend," and making comments about inviting this friend to spend the night. Of course, our son doesn't understand... .doesn't even know yet that we are getting a divorce. But clearly he has started to form a bond with this new friend, who also bought him an expensive ($90) gift recently.

After that, I told my ex that I thought it was too soon to be introducing this special someone into our son's life, when clearly there's more than just friendship going on between them, whether or not they have acted on it. It is confusing for him, and really hard for me to hide my emotions and pretend like nothing is wrong when he talks about my ex's new "friend" all the time. We had a huge argument but eventually my ex gave in.

Fast forward three weeks. Last night my ex reactivated her Facebook account after having taken a hiatus for a few months, and we were still friends on Facebook. She changed her profile and cover photo to take out family photos of all of us together, which is fine. But her new cover photo includes a photo collage with a picture of our son sitting on this new friend's lap, grinning away. She KNEW this would hurt me, to throw it in my face like that only 8 weeks after our separation and while we're still in the same house, before we've even told our son that we're divorcing, and she did it anyway. To be honest, I would rather see a photo of my ex sitting on this friend's lap, than our son. Then she acts like she can't understand why I am upset, this friend is now a part of her life and our son's life and isn't going away, supposedly it wasn't done deliberately or to spite me, and she can't be responsible for my feelings. I accused her of being insensitive and using our son as an emotional weapon, and she's just like "I deserve to be happy, and they make me happy. I haven't been happy in a long time. I can't take the blame for your feelings about this."

I just can't believe she would do something so insensitive and hurtful, on Christmas eve, no less. Now I have to pretend like I don't feel like crying and strangling her whenever we're in the same room, and put on a brave face in front of our son and her family. Obviously, it's going to be hard to see a new person in my son's life, no matter what. But the speed with which she is putting them together is really selfish, and insensitive both to me and to him. I just don't even know how to deal with this right now. I think she knows that our son is the one button of mine that is left to push in this whole mess, the one thing that will get me upset, because I've already pretty much let go of any loving, tender feelings for her, and even jealousy when it comes to her feelings for someone else. But I'm struggling with jealousy over someone else being introduced into our son's life, and I also feel it is irresponsible and not in his best interest to do it so soon in the separation, and she knows it bothers me, and so she's doing everything she can to make me feel like the bad guy and like I'm the irrational, unreasonable one. And she's acting all high and mighty. Actual words from her: "be f*cking pissed. Throw it at me like stones. I'm stronger now than I've ever been before. There is no emotional weapons. My heart is pure and good. That picture makes me happy. If you're concerned about my happiness, you wouldn't be acting like this." When she's the one who clearly doesn't give a sh*t about anyone but herself.

Sorry about venting, but I don't have anyone else to talk to about this. I haven't told anyone in my family about this "new friend" yet. Because idiot like I am, I've been protecting her and not wanting them to view her as the bad guy. And I can't call them now and vent about it, because it's Christmas eve and they're all doing festive fun things (they are halfway across the country, I'm not visiting them until New Year's). I don't have another appointment with my therapist until the second week of January. This just really sucks so much, and I'm barely hanging on. I'm going to have to get through the next couple days for my son's sake, but I'm not sure how I'm going to manage that with her around.

Hey man, you are not alone.

My wife started talking divorce back in August and I caught her with another man in October she claims was just a friend. I was suspicious for months because she had put a lot of miles on our car and was very protective of her phone. I finally went and saw an attorney after catching her with this guy, of course there was no remorse or apology after a 10 year relationship than includes a boy who will be 5 soon. After I saw the attorney she hovered for me about 10 days. We were back
In the same bed, showering together, planned a trip together, she had me buy an enhancer for her engagement ring, we joined the gym, etc. Right after Halloweeen it fell apart again.

She started disappearing on the weekends leaving me to watch our son and I couldn’t handle her coming home at 2 in the morning. I finally got an apartment and moved out Thanksgiving weekend. As soon as I announced I was leaving she had 3 separate weeks of travel planned and I came to learn it was with the guy I caught her with. I reached out to him, total narcissist prick who has the same blood spots as her, can’t see how inappropriate his role has been in all this.

Anyway, I know my son and has been around him and it’s only because I have my son this year that I’m not seeing the same picture you are.  This guy took my wife to meet his family. 7 weeks ago was showering with this woman and now he’s introducing her to his family. I called him out on it, total loser.

My wife is the most incensive person I know and I ignored that red flag 10 years ago.  My wife is already telling me she’ll be having 2 kids with this guy in the next couple years when not long ago she was done. We won’t be officially divorced for another year.

I’m hearing the same stuff, my wife feels alive. That won’t last forever.

Can’t take it personally. When it hurts and I’m depressed,  I keep reminding myself that I deserve much better than to be treated this way, her relationship will ultimately fail and my son will one day understand that her mom has a problem I couldn’t help.

I’m with my family and I don’t miss her even a little as I lay in bed.  I’m done being with someone who isolated me, is boring, blames me for her unhappiness when she has no identity, doesn’t care about my feelings, lies, can’t be reasoned with, can’t say she’s sorry, finds reasons to triangulate me with my family so that I have to choose sides over stupid stuff, etc. She’s very attractive, has a good job and can give me that child like love that made me put up with the crap, but there has to be more to it than that or you eventually go insane.


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