Time for me to reach out for support

[Orion_325]

Hi    I'm so glad to have found a support group for adult children of a parent with BPD. I'm 44-years-old and am currently living with my Mom, who suffers from BPD. My Mom and I have a really good relationship overall. We get along much better when we don't live under the same roof. LOL  Sadly, my Dad died of cancer one year ago, and my Mom's BPD is flaring worse than ever before! I understand why she keeps having episodes, but it is extremely difficult for me because I've been living with her ever since my Dad was diagnosed 5 years ago. Things weren't bad while my Dad was still alive, but after his death, my Mom has been lashing out at me uncontrollably by being verbally cruel. Her words really hit below the belt, & it is extremely difficult not to respond. I want to move away, but I can't leave her in such despair right now. I know that I have to start setting firm boundaries & taking care of myself because her BPD is really toxic and starting to take its toll on my own mood & spirit. I feel overwhelmed, exhausted & depressed. I am here to learn how to cope with a BPD parent, especially while currently living in the same house. I can't always disengage & get my own space while she's having an episode. Another big issue is when I try to help her with things around the house, she gets angry & acts like I think she's incapable. But when I back off, then she complains that I never do anything & she has to do everything all by herself. I feel like she keeps putting me in Catch 22 situations solely to pick a fight with me. Dealing with all of her issues which she creates out of n-o-t-h-i-n-g completely zaps my energy. I can't tolerate it much longer, & I don't have my Dad to turn to anymore. He was the only other person I knew who completely understood my frustrations with her.  Thank you for listening... .I appreciate being here.

[Ruth50]

Hi Orion_325,
I have just made my first post today. I identify with you, lost Dad two years ago. Difference is I don't live with my Mum. I am at a similar place in that I am feeling worn out and low. I realise that I have not set boundaries and am just at the point of beginning to do this. Also have not prioritised my own mental health which is really showing now.

I hope you figure out where to start and get the support you need. 2018 could be our year!

[Insom]

 

I want to move away, but I can't leave her in such despair right now.

It sounds like you could use some personal space.  What makes you feel you can't leave at the moment?  What if you were to move out of the house to give you both some space, but remain nearby to support?

[OhGeeeez!]

My motherinlaw seemed appropriately sad after her husbands death, but i felt wicked for thinking privately she seemed positively giddy about the attention it drew to her.  She couldnt sleep snd got shingles... .the works so i concluded i was crazy even though she had always spoken of him and later his illness as an obstacle to her freedom.

But i didnt see a huge spike of conflict until my son was born.  I thought the matriarchal thing that runs in her family would secure my position as a contributing member of a now growing family, but i was targeted for exclusion instead.  I would really like to know more about matriarchal and borderline connections... .