Did your pwBPD provide you with some degree of closure?

[EdR]

Hi guys,

I think this it the right place, but it could perhaps fit as well on the 'learning from the wounds' board... .

The thing I miss most is not being able to talk about why it all went haywire. I couldn't ask her about why she was suddenly painting me black. I couldn't ask her about the lies. I couldn't ask her about any of the weird stuff really... .

Well, of course I could ask her. And I did. But she avoided my questions, ignored me altogether or said something in return which wasn't actually an answer to my question... .Or even redoubled her efforts to paint me black.

Sometimes when I read all your stories here, I actually think about asking her again to have a final talk about everything. But I haven't and I most probably won't. I do not even know if she truly has the answers herself and I guess the shame would prohibit her from having such a conversation.

A friend who knew my story didn't even know about BPD, but already said to me early on: "she won't apologise, she won't be able to talk about it. As she started painting you black, she went in a path which only knows escalation. She cannot and will not stray from this path, even if she would like to, because that would mean 'losing face'".

Well... .with BPD or BPD traits this probably is even more true due to the shame which must be avoided at all cost. Personally, I have received these texts without an excuse, but 'sounding like an excuse'. I have seen the extremely superficial way of dealing with problems. It was just like it 'never happened'.

I am really looking forward to hear about your experiences with 'closure'/'an ending conversation' or whatever you would like to call it. Have you tried? Did it help you? How did you manage to actually talk about the bad things in your r/s in a meaningful way?

Personally I am voting for option 4. But it sure felt and feels like option 5 though... .

Thank you guys! And HAPPY NEW YEAR!     

[schwing]

Hi EdR,

A friend who knew my story didn't even know about BPD, but already said to me early on: "she won't apologise, she won't be able to talk about it. As she started painting you black, she went in a path which only knows escalation. She cannot and will not stray from this path, even if she would like to, because that would mean 'losing face'".

I think for people with BPD (pwBPD), their motivation for devaluation isn't their pride.  They devalue (paint us black) us as a coping mechanism. Sometimes they are devaluing (us or other previous loved ones) as a means of projecting their own insecurities.  It's like in the BPD mind, only one person needs to be wrong in order for the other person to be absolved.  So even if they did something they might be ashamed of, if they convince themselves that the other person "forced" them to do what they did, or if they focus on the failings of the other person, they can forget about their own weakness or failing.  This is why some pwBPD can never admit wrong and always find a way to pin the blame on us.

In the aftermath of a breakup, I find that some pwBPD *need* to paint us black and focus on this devaluation in order to forget or displace their own actions for which they might otherwise be ashamed.  So it's not so much that they care what other people think of their actions, it's that they need to displace the (self) ramifications of own actions.

This is why you rarely if ever hear about an BPD loved one talking about how they once treated someone important to them in their past badly.  It's always the people in their past who treated them badly.

And this is why I don't think there ever can be closure granted by our BPD loved ones.  Because they don't seem to be able process that closure themselves.  It's either "I was completely wronged" or "I'd forgotten I'd ever cared about that person." And kind of unresolved resolution of the ending of a relationship makes it impossible for them to learn any lessons from how a relationship ended.  If you can never accept how some of the behavior you exhibited contributed to the ending of a relationship, how can you ever learn to change this behavior that is causing such strife?  And so they seemed doomed to repeat the same cycles over and over again, only with different partners.

Well... .with BPD or BPD traits this probably is even more true due to the shame which must be avoided at all cost. Personally, I have received these texts without an excuse, but 'sounding like an excuse'. I have seen the extremely superficial way of dealing with problems. It was just like it 'never happened'.

I would describe their behavior as a very internally elaborate way of *not* dealing with problems.

I am really looking forward to hear about your experiences with 'closure'/'an ending conversation' or whatever you would like to call it. Have you tried? Did it help you? How did you manage to actually talk about the bad things in your r/s in a meaningful way?

In my BPD relationship, even while we were together, we alternated between being perfect for each other (idealization) or else she could never articulate specifically why things didn't "feel right" for her about our relationship.  She couldn't articulate it probably because she was unable to confront the nature of what was behind her feelings (i.e. her disorder).  And if she wasn't able to face it, what could I do?  But I did keep trying to "fix" it, whatever it seemed to be. The target kept on changing. And ultimately it was not something for me to fix.  I just didn't know this until years later.

Best wishes,

Schwing

[Idsrvt2]

A false restraining order after he said we were going in peace... .then still delivered my mail
No closure at all... .just moved right along... .no concept of letting me heal ... .

Today I saw he posted on a public forum I was thinking earlier of msg him asking for some closure... .just been struggling

[EdR]

Thanks guys and thank you Schwing for sharing your experience. I really loved this part:

"In my BPD relationship, even while we were together, we alternated between being perfect for each other (idealization) or else she could never articulate specifically why things didn't "feel right" for her about our relationship.  She couldn't articulate it probably because she was unable to confront the nature of what was behind her feelings (i.e. her disorder). "

This inability to articulate those things is what I experienced as well... .

Kind of a shame though that people with such powerful emotions/feelings are so bad at communicating those feelings... .

Keep it coming guys. I am seeing more votes than posts, so I would like to hear a little about your closure attempts as well.

[crushedagain]

I received absolutely no closure whatsoever. My BPDexgf kissed me goodbye and told me she'd be back, went on vacation, then never returned, stringing me along on the phone for a while until I put an end to that. It was an excruciating end to a 2 year relationship which left me with more questions than answers, and is the reason I ended up on this site.

These BPD people are terribly disordered, and I've accepted that I will never truly understand what goes on in their heads nor do I want to ever be involved with another. In hindsight, it was an awful experience when I consider the pain of the loss and how I was tossed aside like I never even mattered.

[EdR]

Wow crushedagain, I feel for you. There is so much hurt on these boards... .And of all it could at least become manageable if our pwBPD just would provide some degree of closure. The inability (or unwillingness) to do so is actually mind-blowing!


Do you think this poll would have a different outcome when "saving board" people would react?
Or is this as Schwing suggested the eventual outcome of any BPD relation. Thus we perhaps could continue the r/s, but there will aways be this lingering feeling of doubt due to the fact we're not able to genuinely talk about things... .

[mjssmom]

The thing that helped me most is that when I was suddenly dumped for another woman, I immediately went onto therapy. I also had rapid eye movement treatment and it helped tremendously. Learning about this disorder and changing my thinking about it into a clinical sense helped me become indifferent to my ex but understand his process of thinking. It helped me put things into perspective that what he did has nothing to do with me and who I am as a person. And I truly learned that closure is always within my own reach and only given to me by me. Even in the best of circumstances where the door is open in any situation for me to receive closure from someone else, the power truly lies within me to give myself closure, not to be given to me by someone else. A person can talk and talk and talk at you and tell you how wonderful you are but when the end result still is they are rejecting you, does closure from them really matter? You're still going to be upset. Ultimately during the normal process of things if loss and grieving occurs in a typical manner, a healthy person ultimately gives themselves closure in their head. No matter what they are told by the person who victimized them. So tell yourself now that the person you are involved with is sick. You didn't cause, you can't control it or change it and ultimately you are deserving of better than what you received from them.

[EdR]

The thing that helped me most is that when I was suddenly dumped for another woman, I immediately went onto therapy. I also had rapid eye movement treatment and it helped tremendously. Learning about this disorder and changing my thinking about it into a clinical sense helped me become indifferent to my ex but understand his process of thinking. It helped me put things into perspective that what he did has nothing to do with me and who I am as a person. And I truly learned that closure is always within my own reach and only given to me by me. Even in the best of circumstances where the door is open in any situation for me to receive closure from someone else, the power truly lies within me to give myself closure, not to be given to me by someone else. A person can talk and talk and talk at you and tell you how wonderful you are but when the end result still is they are rejecting you, does closure from them really matter? You're still going to be upset. Ultimately during the normal process of things if loss and grieving occurs in a typical manner, a healthy person ultimately gives themselves closure in their head. No matter what they are told by the person who victimized them. So tell yourself now that the person you are involved with is sick. You didn't cause, you can't control it or change it and ultimately you are deserving of better than what you received from them.

I really wish I could truly believe what you are saying, but I just cannot. There is of course truth to what you are saying and I am sure it has helped you and many others.
But a lot of the therapy and approaches to dealing with a pwBPD seem to be extremely focussed on the ego. For example the notion of "we were in love with ourselves" or in this case something like "we can only obtain true closure (by) ourselves" etc. etc.

It just does not work for me. I understand the need to work on ourselves and our own well-being. But that does only bring me so far.

There was and is this other person. A person with her own qualities, who is in her own right worth caring for. To ignore this is to ignore who she was. That she even existed or mattered.

[mjssmom]

How I wish I could give you peace and convince you. They only matter because we give them that status in our heads. Once we let go of them, there's the wonderful state of indifference towards them... .they don't matter. They don't deserve a place in your mind sucking up your energy. YOU however, matter. Your emotional health matters. Therapy helped me with that. It started with dealing with the trauma head on and then regaining my self esteem which gave me strength and belief I could get past the things he did to me. Maybe therapy isn't for you. Maybe one day it will be for you. maybe you're not ready for it. I can't make that judgment and I won't judge you for it. but you can get past this and find closure.

[pearlsw]

Hi EdR,

I applaud your effort to sort this out, but I have to agree with mjssmom that true closure ultimately comes from you. It's nice to get them but many of us simply won't get such conversations/answers. Ask yourself, what are the words you need to hear from that person, what do you really want them to say? Can you perhaps write that out here? Then ask yourself, what are the odds they are ever gonna deliver on that?

I had a bf with BPD traits years ago... .he disappeared suddenly and I desperately tried to get those kind of conversations/answers/anything. I just got more hurt. It hurt to see him looking dead inside, it hurt that he went from telling me "he would never break up with me" to doing exactly that, out of the blue, a week later. I spent years bouncing this year or so relationship around in my head - it was so painful and I wanted answers. I wish I'd known about this site then, not sure it even existed back then... .but anyway... .

I got better because I met my own needs regarding closure he was never gonna give me and I moved on and dated someone else and created a new life... .and I made peace with this loss because I had to. I wish I could remember more of the good stuff, but I don't bother, and I don't bother with the bad stuff about how it ended either... .It was an interesting time and I choose not to have regrets, but ultimately, three years later I was finally able to admit I had dodged a bullet by not having this particular person be my life partner.

We try in the West to search for logic and reasons and facts... .sometimes life is just a lot of unknown stuff that defies logic... .and that is totally okay. Not knowing is okay. Moving on takes courage, but it is worth it.

[EdR]

Thank you both for your replies.

Thing is, I've dealt with multiple pwBPD. But in 2 cases I was really emotionally involved and that's when it went wrong (both times she split black after approx. 2-3 years). In all the other cases there was far more distance and hence still no problem at all. And the 'no problem' cases were actually the diagnosed ones... .

But in the first of those cases, there was no closure whatsoever. So indeed, I eventually gave myself 'closure'. But truth be told, that's a poor man's closure. There was simply no other way. Result: I am still actually kind of afraid of her. Does she still haunt my dreams? Absolutely not! I don't even think about her anymore. But when I see her, my heart still skips a beat. Not out of love, but out of terror.

I don't and didn't want it to be the same for my more recent pwBPD. That's what closure is about.

So what would I like her to tell me? Well... .nothing really. That would be one-sided. I just like to talk with her about our friendship. Two-way communication.
I'd like to talk about several examples, which she used to paint me black. Lies in most cases, or at least creative truths in other ones. I'd like to talk about how it hurts when someone you care about just suddenly turns 180 degrees. Splits.  I would like to do that in a non-defensive way. But not just the negative. I would also like to say how I valued her and our friendship. Of course, I would prefer an apology. But I could live without one. I just want a meaningful conversation.

I would just like to end it as grown-ups. Not in this absurd, childish way which seems to be the result of BPD traits.

[itgetsbetter94]

EdR, I understand your need for closure. I had a dream last night where my ex introduced his new gf to the family, but in the dream I was his sister (?) and only slightly jealous of her, otherwise I found her charming and smart. Weird. I rarely have dreams involving him, fortunately.

In the midst of our break-up, when I was starting to implement NC and he was using every manipulation in the book to hook me to contact him again (really pulling my heart strings), my T told me something along the lines "maybe you should stay with him a bit longer, just to prove yourself how bad it can really get" (because our r/s was short and I left as soon as he started exhibiting emotionaly abusive behavior, and had talks with his best friend, ex gf and his mom- that convinced me that leaving was the best option). Even though I replied to my T "no, there's nothing to go back to. I saw him for what he really is", with time I started to wonder should I have stayed a bit longer indeed. I know he has diagnosed BPD/NPD, but in reality- I left him because one disregulation and knowledge he has PD. The idealized image of him still very much exists in my head. Maybe, equipped with that knowledge, I should have stayed longer:
1) to PROVE myself that the crisis will continue and that the idealisation was an exception, not the rule
2) to have a final talk with him to hear what he has to say and is he willing to give me any closure.

These are strange thoughts, I know. I don't know why they occupy my head even.

[Husband321]

Zero closure.  She just said she needed "space", but was still seeing me nightly.  Told me she was at her moms.  Then one day I saw her with another man.  Night before she was swearing up and down no way is she dating. We are married etc.

Since that she moved in with him and is the new step mom for his kids. All within 3 days

[EdR]

Itgetsbetter, I don't think your thoughts are weird at all. I think it's just human.

Today I decided to send her a small text again after the relative success of my Merry Christmas text.
I wanted to see if low contact would be possible. Just to be able to eventually achieve a mindset without any fear for her or her replies/actions/ST.
I kept it very light, without any emotion. Not even a question. I just saw she read it, but didn't reply.

That's a shame... .not sure how I feel now. I am not devastated or anything. I am not beating myself up, I don't feel stupid for sending it. But I do feel it's a real shame... .Can't say I am happy about it.

[caughtnreleased]

The greatest closure I got was when I honestly was able to tell him what he had meant to me and what I'd felt for him. What he gave me in that was his presence and he listened. There was no return from him, nor did I need anything other than to be heard. I accepted that perhaps this was more of a one sided thing - given the limited kind of love that someone with BPD can actually experience - and I was ok with that. The closure came from myself. From that moment onwards I was able to really move on. It was about truly acknowledging my own feelings for him... .regardless of everything else that had happened. I validated the whole experience for myself with this simple action. It gave me so much closure and strength to walk away because if someone can just sit there and watch you tell them what they meant to you and the impact that they had on you and they have nothing to say in return except some insignificant and bland statement, and maybe a mention about the new fling while checking their phone... .you realize that the person does not hold the source of your happiness or your healing. The bluff was up. Only his emptiness stared back at me.

[EdR]

The greatest closure I got was when I honestly was able to tell him what he had meant to me and what I'd felt for him. What he gave me in that was his presence and he listened. There was no return from him, nor did I need anything other than to be heard. I accepted that perhaps this was more of a one sided thing - given the limited kind of love that someone with BPD can actually experience - and I was ok with that. The closure came from myself. From that moment onwards I was able to really move on. It was about truly acknowledging my own feelings for him... .regardless of everything else that had happened. I validated the whole experience for myself with this simple action. It gave me so much closure and strength to walk away because if someone can just sit there and watch you tell them what they meant to you and the impact that they had on you and they have nothing to say in return except some insignificant and bland statement, and maybe a mention about the new fling while checking their phone... .you realize that the person does not hold the source of your happiness or your healing. The bluff was up. Only his emptiness stared back at me.

Yeah, I can imagine that would give you closure as well. It probably felt like a weight was lifted off your shoulders.
You were able to take the emotional bagage and leave it at his feet.

Was that also how it felt for you? Or am I way off in my interpretation?

[itgetsbetter94]

Ouch, I saw that emptiness staring back at me in the last days of our r/s. It's not just a figure of speech, that emptiness is a very real, almost tangible thing. His eyes, once so loving and child-like, became dead and cold. The switch was instant and unbearable (for me). From hot to cold in a second.

I don't ever want to look at that abyss again. I remember crying, crying, crying, pouring my eyes and heart in front of him, and he just looked at me with that blank, psychopathic stare.

Thank you for reminding me of it. It makes my irrational urge to reach out go away. Brrrr.

[Bo123]

The funny part, in a sad way is that they paint you black to all their friends meanwhile never mentioning any or the things that they did.  Especially if they are high functioning and a easy crier, their friends will all hate you and she gets all the sympathy.  What a wonderful world.

[EdR]

The funny part, in a sad way is that they paint you black to all their friends meanwhile never mentioning any or the things that they did.  Especially if they are high functioning and a easy crier, their friends will all hate you and she gets all the sympathy.  What a wonderful world.

Yep, I thought that was extremely hurtful as well. And in hindsight it feels like her friends were and are even more convinced than she was/is.

@itgetsbetter: oh yeah, the emptiness is something I have seen as well. But to me it is something which make me feel sorry for her.

Like I said yesterday, I reached out again. But this time to no avail.
But somewhere deep down it still feels a little Star Warsy: like in Darth Vader, there also should still be some good in her. And after her Christmas reply I felt I was closer to seein that good side again.
Maybe that is why I reached out: to try and break through the layers and find that 'good side' again.

[getfree]

Hi EdR

I to struggled with a concept of closure and ending things on "good" terms.

During my one of my exgfs discard cycles I actually said to her in terms "If you don't want me then I understand that although it hurts but I'd like us to split up on good terms and be adults about it".

Two things happened after this: (1) the relationship recycled very quickly and (2) every other "discard" she put me through was entirely void of explanation. She would rage at me and then immediately block me so I couldn't contact her at all.

I am speculating but I suspect since she knew it was important to me her final powerplay to demonstrate she had power was to deny me that.

The last time we tried this I was totally done with the situation and simply went NC immediately in response to her Silent Treatment. When she tried to get back together I remained NC.

As such I didn't receive "closure" or leaving the relationship on anything approaching good terms. In her last email to me she admitted that she had BPD and other emotional problems and was in therapy to help the symptoms.

But I learned from others that know her that 3 months later she was not in any therapy at all and she had started a smear campaign and I started low-key stalking me.

What I am trying to say (perhaps in a roundabout way) is that I don't think pwBPD have the ability to end relationships on anything approaching good terms and I don't think they are keen or capable of "closure". I think finality scares them on a primitive level and they of course often want the option to return.

The closure you are seeking is only possible when there are two people who are reasonably balanced and have had an otherwise functional relationship and I don't believe that any BPD relationship (intimate or otherwise) has these ingredients.

But somewhere deep down it still feels a little Star Warsy: like in Darth Vader, there also should still be some good in her. And after her Christmas reply I felt I was closer to seein that good side again.
Maybe that is why I reached out: to try and break through the layers and find that 'good side' again.

This sounds like the equivalent of trying to find the idealization phase again (or it was in my case). I think pwBPD only do this when they have something to gain from doing so - they are in that sense amoral, "good" and "bad" only exist as ways of extracting what they need at that moment.

Maybe after years of therapy and a real desire to improve their relationships with people they can see "good" and "bad" in a non-disordered way and you would have the conversation you are seeking.

As others have said the best closure is the one you can give yourself. I don't agree that it is a poor man's closure as ultimately when you get it it reminds you that you are in control of your own life and your emotions.

The key is to move beyond having this person being the master of your fate as they will oftentimes do nothing but what suits them.

[caughtnreleased]

Yeah, I can imagine that would give you closure as well. It probably felt like a weight was lifted off your shoulders.
You were able to take the emotional bagage and leave it at his feet.

Was that also how it felt for you? Or am I way off in my interpretation?

Oh no you are quite correct in your interpretation. Because not only did he simply have nothing of any significance to say to me, he even tried after that to drive the knife into a regret I had expressed to him. That's when I became more objective about the whole thing. I realized he had a sadistic side to him as well... .and it hurt, but after awhile I simply stopped wanting/expecting/hoping for anything from this person whose only ability is to drive a knife into me over and over again. And he only had that ability because I gave it to him. Now he's got nothing on me. I suppose he's moved on to digging that knife into someone else. All I know is it feels really nice to no longer be constantly stabbed whenever I present a vulnerable side of myself. I am free to further explore my vulnerability with those who can handle intimacy.

[Ragnarok4]

I really wish I could truly believe what you are saying, but I just cannot. There is of course truth to what you are saying and I am sure it has helped you and many others.
But a lot of the therapy and approaches to dealing with a pwBPD seem to be extremely focussed on the ego. For example the notion of "we were in love with ourselves" or in this case something like "we can only obtain true closure (by) ourselves" etc. etc.

It just does not work for me. I understand the need to work on ourselves and our own well-being. But that does only bring me so far.

There was and is this other person. A person with her own qualities, who is in her own right worth caring for. To ignore this is to ignore who she was. That she even existed or mattered.

I'm with you on the ego part when it comes to therapy but there is some truth in letting go of what you can't comprehend. Its really up to you when it comes to moving on but thats it. After that its like you said, only goes so far.

The one thing that is tough to let go or just accept is not getting any closure. People with BPD can't be accountable for any of there actions because it exposes there shame/guilt/inner narrative that they want to hang on to. It's the only thing they can commit to because its the only thing that can protect them (in their minds). The self deception is beyond what they can handle on there own so the path of least resistance will always be the only option. You can't reason any sort of logic with them.

On the last part you mention, it seems like your having a hard time letting go. Its not bad to care but your the one doing your part of whatever relationship you two had. Is this person doing there part? Will they do there part at all? And IF they do, what benefit would they gain?

[EdR]

Hi Ragnarok,

You are absolutely right. She is NOT and will not be doing her part...

Just saw her. I was surprised by her behaviour. It set me back again and I hate that. Just made a new topic about it.

Btw... too bad not everyone is explaining their choice in the poll. I would really like to hear about that one vote for the 'happy about my closure' option... .

[araneina]

This is why you rarely if ever hear about an BPD loved one talking about how they once treated someone important to them in their past badly.  It's always the people in their past who treated them badly.

And this is why I don't think there ever can be closure granted by our BPD loved ones.  Because they don't seem to be able process that closure themselves.  It's either "I was completely wronged" or "I'd forgotten I'd ever cared about that person." And kind of unresolved resolution of the ending of a relationship makes it impossible for them to learn any lessons from how a relationship ended.  If you can never accept how some of the behavior you exhibited contributed to the ending of a relationship, how can you ever learn to change this behavior that is causing such strife?  And so they seemed doomed to repeat the same cycles over and over again, only with different partners.

I would describe their behavior as a very internally elaborate way of *not* dealing with problems.

I remember when I was first dating my ex bf inwardly thinking "Boy he does talk about his exes a lot, and wow, they all cheated on him or did something terrible to him!"  At the time I felt sad for him, sad that someone so sweet and charming could have ended up with so many awful women.  However, at the same time I was also thinking "He's never admitted fault in any of these relationships... .weird."  And this didn't just apply to his romantic relationships - friends, family... .everyone had wronged him in some way, everything was someone else's fault.

When we finally ended our relationship, he placed the entire blame firmly upon my shoulders (despite cheating on me, hah).  That's unfortunately how a lot of these people operate, I suppose.  It's easier to blame the other party and move on with your life than it is to accept responsibility and deal with it.

I did not get closure. I DID get an earful from him about all of the awful things that had happened to him after we broke up, right down to the "idiot cop" who "wrongfully" pulled him over for a DUI and arrested him even though he "performed the field sobriety test perfectly."  Geez... .

[Jeffree]

I found my own closure when I finally realized that all those verbal promises she kept making and never following through on were NEVER going to happen and were just things she said to convince herself she was the wonderful person who did such things (only she never did them).

It could be as simple as her agreeing to clean up one of the messy rooms she had, yet time and time again she had no time to do it. "I might work from home, you don't seem to realize I'm busy and have no time for this."

Yet I worked out of the home and found the time to keep my stuff neat and straighten up some of her stuff.

Then I cut off all communication with her, because I realized she never reached out to me about anything that would be to my betterment. It was always about her and what I needed to to for her.

I think there's a lot of closure to be had when you see your BPD for what he or she truly is and projecting out the misery of spending a lifetime of being with someone like that. 

[araneina]

I found my own closure when I finally realized that all those verbal promises she kept making and never following through on were NEVER going to happen and were just things she said to convince herself she was the wonderful person who did such things (only she never did them).

It could be as simple as her agreeing to clean up one of the messy rooms she had, yet time and time again she had no time to do it. "I might work from home, you don't seem to realize I'm busy and have no time for this."

Yet I worked out of the home and found the time to keep my stuff neat and straighten up some of her stuff.

Then I cut off all communication with her, because I realized she never reached out to me about anything that would be to my betterment. It was always about her and what I needed to to for her.

I think there's a lot of closure to be had when you see your BPD for what he or she truly is and projecting out the misery of spending a lifetime of being with someone like that.  

I like your replies.  They're grounded and sensible and they help me.  Thank you.  I often tell myself - "Yes, you may miss him, but god, imagine spending a lifetime on that rollercoaster.  He's stuck on that ride... .I'm not."

[Jeffree]

Glad to be of assistance, araneina.

Good luck working through all this.

[araneina]

Glad to be of assistance, araneina.

Good luck working through all this.

Thanks!  It helps that both he and I have moved to completely different states.  I don't have any hope of reconciliation to cling to.

[Jeffree]

Well that should help you continue with the moving on process.

Mine moved just far enough to make a surprise visit to the kids she left behind every now and then... .whenever it is convenient for her.

 

[zachira]

I often found myself devastated when my relationships ended, and did not know why.  A wonderful boyfriend taught me about the right way to end a relationship. He broke up with me, and was endlessly supportive by staying in contact and talking about why it ended while being as kind as possible, as long as I needed to talk about it with him.