New Years Eve Musings

[MeandThee29]

I received an email from my pwBPD musing about how terrible a year 2017 was with hopes that 2018 will be better. Yup, hardest year of my life. Separation, his suicide attempt, and then separation and him leaving the area completely. He seemed to be making progress in counselling after the suicide attempt. I actually had hope for awhile there. But he quit counselling, and the blame and control ramped up again like it was. Lots of gaslighting and talk about what a rotten wife I was, even threats of finding a "better" woman. Then he left again and went close to his family this time. Lots of blame on the phone and over email. Threats of divorce and demands to stop telling him anything about our young adults.

But you know, December hit, and I found peace. Because of the separation, I found out things I needed to know about myself. I feel more whole than I have been for many, many years. I switched to a faith-based counsellor, and she's been a master of hitting buttons in areas the clinical psychologist didn't focus on. The clinical psychologist did predict everything that happened this year though including the suicide attempt. Her prediction for my pwBPD in 2018 is that he will eventually settle down and make a new life and leave us alone.

He's supposedly buried the hatchet and decided to be civil in 2018. My counsellor had me write out again on Friday my boundaries, which was good. I feel strong.

I think that 2018 is going to be a good year.

[Turkish]

Good idea to reinforce those boundaries by writing them out. 

Did you respond to the email?

[MeandThee29]

Did you respond to the email?

I did, but "gray rock." I said that it was indeed a tough year and left it at that. Nothing on my transformation. Nothing on recent sessions with the counsellor that have given me a lot of hope.

He's told me and his relatives I'm incapable of a healthy relationship (a bit of gaslighting there). My counsellor said to do nothing to counter that belief because he's using that to show a bit of mercy right now.