New member introduction

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hi all,

I've been lurking on this forum for a while as I've tried to process what happened with someone I dated. I don't know if she has been diagnosed with BPD, but I've seen other members post strikingly similar stories. I am sorry for the painful things many of you have gone through, but I thank you for sharing your strories. It's been helpful for me these past few months to feel less alone, and I feel hopeful now that I'm starting to move on.

I'll post more when I'm ready, but for now I just want to introduce myself.

Zen0

[Zen0]

Hi all,

I've been lurking on this forum for a while as I've tried to process what happened with someone I dated. I don't know if she has been diagnosed with BPD, but I've seen other members post strikingly similar stories. I am sorry for the painful things many of you have gone through, but I thank you for sharing your strories. It's been helpful for me these past few months to feel less alone, and I feel hopeful now that I'm starting to move on.

I'll post more when I'm ready, but for now I just want to introduce myself.

Zen0

[Lucky Jim]

Hey ZenO, Welcome!  Often those suffering from BPD have yet to be diagnosed, due to their unwillingness to get help and take responsibility for their actions.  Yet as you note the stories posted here tend to be strikingly similar.  Take your time and fill us in, when you feel up to it.  In the meantime, I would like to confirm that you are not alone.

LuckyJim

[vanx]

Hi, Zen0, and welcome! You are not alone. I am so glad you have found reading some of people's posts helpful. It takes some time to recover from a difficult situation. I'm happy to hear you have hope--there is plenty more to have hope for.

[Mutt]

Hi Zen0,



Happy New Year! I’d like to join the others and welcome you. I’m glad to her that you had the courage to join after having lurked the forum. Welcome to the family!

[Zen0]

Thank you all for the warm welcome! And happy new year to you too!

Lucky Jim, it's interesting that you used the phrase 'taking responsibility' for ones actions. That's actually something this woman said to me when I confronted her about how her actions had made me feel. She argued that I was only saying things to hurt her, even saying that I was verbally abusive for trying to explain why I was upset by how she treated me. The last email she sent me ended with the words, "you need to take responsibility for your words and actions."

It was so upsetting for me that I wondered whether I had been abusive. I even phoned a helpline for abusers here in the UK to talk about what had happened. Though the person I spoke with didn't think what I had said amounted to verbal abuse (he did help me identify strategies for improving communication), the email really stuck with me. I still wonder what I could have done better, or which actions it is I am supposed to take responsibility for, but since I am not going to get closure from this woman, I am trying to put it in the past and move forward.

[Mutt]

Hi Zen0,

which actions it is I am supposed to take responsibility for

You’re not responsible for someone else’s feelings. We’re responsible for our own self management.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey ZenO, Those w/BPD often shift responsibility to the Non, which gets it off their plate and onto yours.  My suggestion: don't catch the blame ball.  Instead, let it roll off your back.  Remember: poison is harmless if you don't ingest it!

LJ