I feel so alone and confused in this roller coaster relationship. I need help

[Visionary7]

Hello community... .I found this group from a book I am reading called: Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking your life back when someone you care about has BPD. I strongly suspect that my girlfriend, on the verge of being ex-girlfriend, is BPD and I have been caught in an intense whirlwind for almost two years. Things have gotten progressively worse, and no matter what I seem to do, she continues to find fault with me and wants to break up and kicks me out of the house. I have gone through so much in this relationship, and I have lost a lot of myself within it. She says she feels like she has lost herself and blames me for all the things going on in her life. She says our relationship is the source of all her stress, despite her job crumbling (because of her own behavior) and she has had deaths in her family, and a brother in jail. She doesn't look at any of that, and instead focuses on her unhappiness with me. I cook for her, take care of her, and bend over backwards to keep things on an even keel. We get into patterns where she kicks me out of the house ever since I moved in with her almost four months ago. It's a cyclical thing. She withdraws from the relationship and at one point had me sleep in the second bedroom for two and half months. She has put me at a distance and I am left confused and uncertain. She has "broken up" with me so many times saying she doesn't want this relationship and doesn't want to be with me. And when I make efforts to leave, she stops me... .Now in the last 24 hours she is asking me to leave again and "this time she means it." She is forcing me to make a plan and says she doesn't want to be in a relationship of convenience. This all started because yesterday I didn't get up early enough to make her lunch, and she says she cannot handle the "inconsistencies" in our relationship. She told me over the weekend that she wasn't in love with me, and then said she said it out of anger. She vacillates A LOT. I don't know what she means or doesn't mean anymore. One minute she is loving and telling me how wonderful I am, the next she is kicking me out the door. She seems to do it when I am already down. I currently have no money as it is all invested in my business, and I have no where to go and all my friends have disappeared. I feel stuck. And this seems to be the time when she does this... .she forces me out. I feel  like she cuts me off for her own benefit. I don't know what to do anymore. There is no one to talk to about this. Her anger and rages have turned physical and then she blames me for "making her this way." I could have every intention to remain calm and positive in our relationship, and it seems to get out of hand. Nothing I do or say is the right thing. I don't know what to do or who to talk to or how to cope. I am supposed to be out her house tonight with no where to go and no money. Two days ago we were cuddling on the couch watching movies. Can someone help me understand any of this? Please... .I've been alone in this for almost two years and only stumbled on this book in November.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Feelinstronger]

I am sorry for your experience.
YOu mention all your friends have disappeared.  This is really common when you partner w a BPD.  Your friends do not want to see you hurt.
I recommend you try to reach out to a friend or two and state the truth-you really need a friend to lean on right now.  You may be welcomed with open arms.  Also please find a therapist who is experienced with BPD.  It will help you process your situation.  Good luck to you.

[Meili]

If you start to read the posts and stories of others around here, you'll start to see a great number of parallels in what you have been experiencing and what others have gone through. You are far from alone, and many of us can relate.

Did you move out? How are things today?

[HopingForBetter84]

I feel for you. I recently did my first post and I’m sure you could relate to my story. The worst part is befor you research BPD and understand what’s going on. It’s so confusing when arguments come out of nowhere, and despite a strong emotional reaction they show no interest in justifying their reaction with facts. And to make things worse, they act like you’re the one who started it even if you were happily watching football when they barged in and started giving you grief. And in the midst of all that confusion you have nobody to talk to and try to figure out what’s going on. So figuring out that BPD exists, finding this site and learning that other people are going through very similar things is a great first step. That’s wher I am right now. The next step, I’m told, is focusing on “fixing you” before you worry about fixing them. I hope we both get to share stories of making that progress in the not too distant future