Coping with living with a BPD sister

[Our abuse recovery guide]

I'm 18 and my 19 yo sister has diagnosed BPD. After many turbulent years of attempting to cope with living with my sister, more than ever it has started to interfere with my school life and personal motivational levels.

One minute I feel excited and motivated, next thing you know my sister has had an uncalled for screaming fit at me for just joking around (picking up some spare change from her messy bedroom that I charmed for her earlier, teasing that I should have them), leaves me feeling distraught and hopeless, as yet again she has put me down for doing nothing wrong. After speaking to some friends I feel happier (although I sometimes feel as though people assume it is just standard sibling teasing/bickering) but does anybody have any advice on how to reduce the impact she has on my mood? She treats me horrendously then happily acts as if nothing ever happened hours or even minutes afterwards with the rare vague, blaming me sort of apology.

She has done far worse but this is the most recent example. She seemed to be doing better recently, before getting back with an ex (going from constantly complaining "how dare he leave me like that' (as he broke up with her and went home leaving her screaming and crying- I don't see an issue here tbh, what does she expect?) ever since she has been back with him she's either on her phone with him, with him or being nasty to my mother and I. Is this a common trait for a recycled partner to cause a spike in negative behaviour?

I just want to get good grades and feel comfortable in my own home! For the sake of everyone involved, hopefully she follows through with moving out in september to go to university so my mother and I can have a chance to salvage our home life. (I hope I haven't sounded to harsh, it's been a rough day/week).

[waveman]

I'm 18 and my 19 yo sister has diagnosed BPD. After many turbulent years of attempting to cope with living with my sister, more than ever it has started to interfere with my school life and personal motivational levels.

One minute I feel excited and motivated, next thing you know my sister has had an uncalled for screaming fit at me for just joking around (picking up some spare change from her messy bedroom that I charmed for her earlier, teasing that I should have them), leaves me feeling distraught and hopeless, as yet again she has put me down for doing nothing wrong. After speaking to some friends I feel happier (although I sometimes feel as though people assume it is just standard sibling teasing/bickering) but does anybody have any advice on how to reduce the impact she has on my mood? She treats me horrendously then happily acts as if nothing ever happened hours or even minutes afterwards with the rare vague, blaming me sort of apology.

She has done far worse but this is the most recent example. She seemed to be doing better recently, before getting back with an ex (going from constantly complaining "how dare he leave me like that' (as he broke up with her and went home leaving her screaming and crying- I don't see an issue here tbh, what does she expect?) ever since she has been back with him she's either on her phone with him, with him or being nasty to my mother and I. Is this a common trait for a recycled partner to cause a spike in negative behaviour?

I just want to get good grades and feel comfortable in my own home! For the sake of everyone involved, hopefully she follows through with moving out in september to go to university so my mother and I can have a chance to salvage our home life. (I hope I haven't sounded to harsh, it's been a rough day/week).

[Turkish]

Hi waveman,



No,  I don't think you sound harsh,  and you probably have lots of other stories to share about how your sister is frustrating you and causing you pain. 

If your sis is diagnosed,  is she in treatment,  and are there other diagnoses such as depression or anxiety?

We have communication tools here which can help.  SET is the simplest one to learn:

A 3 Minute Lesson on Ending Conflict

The Read More link at the bottom goes to a discussion.  Let us know if this is helpful. 

When tempted to engage in arguments,  I often think,  "is this the hill I want to die upon?"

It can be hard to step back when emotions run high,  but sometimes the winning move is not to play. 

T