Sister with BPD

[Our abuse recovery guide]

I used to better at tolerating it. My sister is constantly bullying my my mom and me but normally we do what we can to not escalate it. However, when my mom got a puppy, it became harder to watch. See, my sister already has a dog who she views as an extension to herself. She would get so jealous and angry that there’s another dog. She would yell at the dog frequently and yell at my mom for not yelling at the dog. It’s becoming hard to watch. Our puppy now growls in anxiety whenever he sees her. Yesterday, our puppy who is now about a year old got so anxious from my sister that he just started peeing everywhere. This made my sister only yell at him more.

I finally snapped. I started yelling at my sister telling her how abusive she is to everyone. My sister then tried to punch me. I stopped her fist and pushed her away from me. My sister, being a fan of the dramatics went flying and stayed on the ground for several minutes only to get up and come chasing  at me again.

Hours later, she is messaging my mom telling how bruised she is from earlier and how what I did is criminal. I should remind people that this is coming from a woman who has tried to push my mom down a flight of stairs several times.

Of course, this only happens when she goes into one of her rages. The oddest or slightest thing can set her off. She will then guilt everyone especially my mom into thinking my sister is a victim of everything. We didn’t have the easiest of childhoods but my sister will use the past to make my mom have to do anything and everything for her.

I started even secretly doing recordings on my phone when she acts out in hopes a therapist could help understand this situation.

It is just becoming so difficult. I know I shouldn’t have snapped. It only intensified the rage but I like to remind myself that I’m only human. It has become triggering to watch my sister who’s 30 verbally abuse an innocent puppy regularly.

But we can’t talk to her about her behavior like normal human beings. It will only cause her to go into one of her rages. Heck, we can’t even be too depressed regardless of what is happening in our own lives because my sister gets upset at us being upset. It may sound strange but it’s almost like she has a hard enough time regulating her own emotions so us venting only makes her frustrated or angry. Besides any kind of venting from us means she won’t be the center of attention which will upset her as well.

It is becoming too much to handle but I don’t see a solution. It’s like this is just gonna always be our life and we have to accept it but my mom isn’t getting any younger and my sister one day may have kids. I’m scared about the future

[Bobby68]

I used to better at tolerating it. My sister is constantly bullying my my mom and me but normally we do what we can to not escalate it. However, when my mom got a puppy, it became harder to watch. See, my sister already has a dog who she views as an extension to herself. She would get so jealous and angry that there’s another dog. She would yell at the dog frequently and yell at my mom for not yelling at the dog. It’s becoming hard to watch. Our puppy now growls in anxiety whenever he sees her. Yesterday, our puppy who is now about a year old got so anxious from my sister that he just started peeing everywhere. This made my sister only yell at him more.

I finally snapped. I started yelling at my sister telling her how abusive she is to everyone. My sister then tried to punch me. I stopped her fist and pushed her away from me. My sister, being a fan of the dramatics went flying and stayed on the ground for several minutes only to get up and come chasing  at me again.

Hours later, she is messaging my mom telling how bruised she is from earlier and how what I did is criminal. I should remind people that this is coming from a woman who has tried to push my mom down a flight of stairs several times.

Of course, this only happens when she goes into one of her rages. The oddest or slightest thing can set her off. She will then guilt everyone especially my mom into thinking my sister is a victim of everything. We didn’t have the easiest of childhoods but my sister will use the past to make my mom have to do anything and everything for her.

I started even secretly doing recordings on my phone when she acts out in hopes a therapist could help understand this situation.

It is just becoming so difficult. I know I shouldn’t have snapped. It only intensified the rage but I like to remind myself that I’m only human. It has become triggering to watch my sister who’s 30 verbally abuse an innocent puppy regularly.

But we can’t talk to her about her behavior like normal human beings. It will only cause her to go into one of her rages. Heck, we can’t even be too depressed regardless of what is happening in our own lives because my sister gets upset at us being upset. It may sound strange but it’s almost like she has a hard enough time regulating her own emotions so us venting only makes her frustrated or angry. Besides any kind of venting from us means she won’t be the center of attention which will upset her as well.

It is becoming too much to handle but I don’t see a solution. It’s like this is just gonna always be our life and we have to accept it but my mom isn’t getting any younger and my sister one day may have kids. I’m scared about the future

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi Bobby68, 

Welcome to our online family! Thank you for telling us about what is going on. Is this situation something that just happened recently? It sounds like things are very tense at the moment between you and your sister as well as your mom and the dog. It sounds as if the dog just happened to be the tipping point, right?

I find it interesting that the dog is able to pick up on the behavior of your sister and react much the same as people do. There is a similarity to how you and your mom are probably feeling too. I often have a hard time identifying what is going on inside of me with my own feelings that have been suppressed for so long due to having an uBPDm.

Is this the first time that your sister has come at you physically? When you sense that things are escalating with your sister, we recommend that you calmly and politely exit before things get out of control for safety purposes. Excuse yourself to go the the bathroom, say you need to go walk the dog or that you need to go to the store to pick up items, take out the trash, whatever will work to allow the danger of physical harm to de-escalate. 

Have you and your mom ever spoken about what to do in order to keep you both safe, just in case, as a precaution? Please stay in touch and let us know how you and your mom are doing.

 
Wools

[Turkish]

Hi Bobby68,

I'd like to join Woolspinner2000 in welcoming you!

Do you all live together? If so,  how do you all support the household financially?

If your sister is a danger to your mother,  then that qualifies as elder abuse under the law (if she lays hands upon your mom,  threatens or otherwise tries to control her). Reporting may be an option,  but this is tricky since your mom might cover for her sister.  Have you talked to your mom about this and what does she think?

T