I don't really have words for my desperation.

[notyetbroken]

Hi, I've just joined this group... .as I was registering it asked me for my username so I tried 'almostbroken', then 'nearlybroken' as those were exactly how I was feeling. And both were taken - so there are others who feel this way. So I'm now 'notyetbroken', which in itself gave me hope.

I'm sitting at the dining table, my 6 month old baby boy is in his bouncy chair being the angel that he is. My wife that I love so much is in the kitchen preparing dinner, I am too scared to interact because everything I do or say is just wrong.

I was at my wit's end this evening, I don't really have words for my desperation. Then I came across this site and I read these questions and every single one rang true:

Does your loved one have borderline personality disorder? In your relationship:

• Do you feel like you have to tiptoe around your loved one?
• Does your loved one shift almost instantaneously between emotional extremes?
• Does your loved one tend to view you as all good or bad, with no middle ground?
• Do you feel like you can't win, that anything you say or do will be twisted and used against you?
• Is everything always your fault?
• Do you feel manipulated by fear, guilt, or outrageous behavior?

So it was not just me. And then I found this group. So I am feeling like there is a light in what has been a very private darkness. Already. I'm too drained to write more, but thank you for reading so far.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Fracturedheart88]

Hi notyetbroken,
I'm also brand new here and found this place in much the same way.  Hopefully we can both learn more about how to cope and what to do when it feels like we just can't win. Funnily enough, my screen name came about the same way - I couldn't have brokenheart or shatteredheart ... .but fractured seemed more positive. If something isn't broken or shattered, it has the potential to heal, right? 
Fracturedheart88

[waverider]

to you both

glad to have you board. There is indeed a lot here to help you to learn, and a lot to take the feeling of confusion and hopelessness out of your lives. You may not be able to "fix' BPD, but there is a lot you can do to stop making it worse and learn some skills to prevent you from being damage from it.

There is an enormous wealth of resources and experience on tap here. You will be amazed at just how many folks go through almost the exact issues you do, and they "get it" and that makes all the difference.

Feel free to post up and particular issues you are struggling with to kick start it

Waverider

[pearlsw]

Hi Fracturedheart88 and notyetbroken,

Glad you hear, though sorry about the issues you are struggling with at home.

I love when I see our members making connections with each other - by taking the time to build those connections and share our insights we are able to let many others not feel so alone.

Do you want to tell us more about what brought you here? Did you already know it was BPD or you just got lucky and found us? I can relate to that feeling of a big light coming on!

Please come back and give us an update... .Let us know how you are!   

wishing you peace, pearlsw.

[Tattered Heart]

Welcome

You've found a great community for support and help. Was it like a lightbulb  moment when you read through the symptoms of BPD and realized "That's it! That's what this is!"

You'll find hope here. Can you tell us a little bit more about your relationship?

[notyetbroken]

Since I joined this community, it's become my refuge, I really didn't know where to turn - and I am sorry that there are so many people in the same boat as me, but it's reassuring to know I am not alone. So think you already.

And @FracturedHeart88, I get it. If you didn't love them, you could walk away, but it's all so tangled up.

I read this too yesterday: https://themighty.com/2016/01/living-with-borderline-personality-disorder/  I had been very focused on my own pain and I was not in any place to empathize with what my wife might be going through. That helped

[Skip]

Have you read this:
https://bpdfamily.com/content/Dr-Jekyll-and-Mr-Hyde